


Reflections Of Time

by Bigbluenationmember



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Humor, The Other Side
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-11-18 02:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 49,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18111767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bigbluenationmember/pseuds/Bigbluenationmember
Summary: A chance meeting in his ninth life helps Ten Too adjust to life on Earth after Rose decides she wants to stay with the full time lord





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i know there are a zillion 10/rose 10.5/rose fics out there but i thought how about one w here rose stays and ten too has to go on living. i like rose and they'll be making cameos through out. hope you enjoy

Chapter One 

“You’ll never begin to heal and move on with your life until you process what happened to you” Lilly said mockingly. “Oh yeah and who the hell would believe me huh? Everyone thinks he’s just the greatest thing. He’s the ambassador for the Commonwealth. He’s provided jobs he’s got the governor on speed dial. The bloody Queen of England knows him by first name! Oh yeah people would really believe me.” Lilly was upset after another useless therapy session. “Why do I even still go to these? They are such a waste of time and money. It's the same thing ‘talk about it Liliana talk about what’s bothering you. How can I talk about it when you look at me and think I'm some spoiled rich kid? Nine psychiatrists down how many more to go?” she sighed as she folded her favorite royal blue shirt. “Would you believe me Skeeter Mo Deeter?” Lilly looked at her faithful friend. His yellow green eyes blended in with his orange fur. He was Lilly’s baby. She rescued, bottle fed and most importantly loved him after his mama went to Rainbow Bridge. He looked up at her and offered a small meow. Lilly smiled and scratched his head right behind his ear, his favorite spot. “Besides I have you Mr. Mosers and Ginger Anne. You two are all I need right baby boy?” 

“Meow” she smiled at him and fell on the bed next to him cuddling him and listening to him purr. 

 

When her cuddle session was over there was still laundry that needed to be folded and a bed that she had to fight to get made. “Skeeter come on! Get out from under the sheet!” he pounced around like a kitten even though he was more like 12. She was getting aggravated at him but then started laughing at an old memory as “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles came on. “Oh Mosers, did I ever tell you about the man I met named John Smith?” She smiled at the memory of the British man with the ice blue eyes and goofy smile. Skeeter, having heard this story in his past 7 lives already, left. He didn’t want to spend his 8th and 9th life hearing about mystery man. In his place came Lilly’s other cat Ginger. She was a calico and if Lilly said anything Ginger was going to be there. Ginger loved Lilly more than anything. She was even fond of jumping in the shower with Lilly. She was a strange cat but absolutely one of the best ones ever. “Oh Ginge,” Lilly smiled “I knew as soon as he said his name was John Smith it was an alias. I mean is there really anyone named John Smith? I wonder if Jack could look him up for me? Nah it would be too much trouble and he’s got Cardiff to worry about. I mean I’m sure there’s a zillion John Smiths in the British Isles. But he did say he was a doctor. Nah besides Schmitty wouldn’t remember me anyway. I was just some crazy girl he ran into.” She sighed and started feeling down again. As she always did, Ginger rubbed up against Lilly and started purring. It was Ginger’s turn to make sure her sissy was happy. “Raindrop Ginge. I was his Raindrop” she laughed. “I told him my name was Angel Rayne. At the time Bitter Pills was still around and … well you know the story Ginge no need to get into it again.” She turned over on her side and closed her eyes. “I hope you’re well Schmitty I hope you are well” she said before she dozed off. 

While it had only been a couple of years since Lilly saw her beloved Schmitty, what she didn’t know was to him it was a lifetime ago. In Lilly’s timeline it was now October 21, 1989, two years to the day that he saved her life. She swore she’d never forget him and each time she put on that old leather jacket she could swear she smelled something peculiar. It wasn’t earthy smelling or like leather. It wasn’t a cologne or soap smell. It was unique and definitely reminded her of John. She joked she was going to call it angel dust because that’s what he was in her mind, her blue-eyed angel. Instead she called it star dust since that’s what bonded them, their mutual love of space. 

After going through yet another therapist, number 10, Lilly had decided with the help of Skeeter and Ginger, her favorite therapists, that she was going to tell someone what happened to her. It didn’t matter that they’d never read it nor hear about it but Dr. Punch was right. She needed to process everything if she was going to heal. “One gin and tonic and one whiskey sour please” she sat down at the bar of what is now known as the Starlight Bar & Grill but two years ago it was just Astrid’s. The same drinks they had while they were there before. 

While the bartender served her drinks, she sat one on the napkin at the place next to her and sat one in front of her. She kept telling herself she was pathetic and she knew she was but she hoped beyond hope that lightening would strike twice. She just wanted to see him again. He was the only person that made her feel worth anything. It was just one night and all they did was talk and eat banana nut muffins but she cherished that time more than anything. Yes, she had Jack, Jake, and Lucas as her friends but something about this mysterious Dr. John Smith professor of Astronomy made her see life differently. She never told anyone about him. The only person that even knows about him is her uncle, ironically named John as well. The only reason he knew was because she woke up in his house. Two years later he will not say how she got there. She sat there for a few minutes then pulled out her book on astrophysics. She wasn’t enrolled in classed she read his for fun and that’s how it all started for her and Schmitty.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get in touch with our Tardis Team now

Chapter Two 

James dashed around The Tardis pulling levers and pushing buttons. He’s working in tandem with The Doctor although it’s a tense tandem. They had just dealt with the Cybermen again and neither one can remember if it’s the 145th or 146th time. “No remember that time on the planet Zeniabrieu? We fought the Cybermen there. That makes 146.” 

“No that was the Zygons” James chimed in “so we’re still at 145.” Rose just sat on the captain’s seat and rolled her eyes. They would never come to an agreement on who was right. It didn’t matter if it was 145 or 146, they would still keep it up until they fought the Cybermen again and the argument would be 146 or 147. 

She watched James, who has become accustomed to wearing the blue suit with a tee-shirt and no tie pull a lever and push a green button. The Doctor who James called John partly in spite and partly to keep the two of them from being confused continued to wear his stately uniform the brown pinstripe suit. She remembered breaking up a massive argument over the Janis Joplin coat to which John, the full Time Lord, got some very deep and personal digs in. James the part human part Time Lord didn’t let it slide and made some of his own deep cuts. 

Rose was surprised because even though they were arguing in Gallifreyan, the Tardis was translating it for her. The Tardis never translated Gallifreyan for her before. This is how she knew it was bad. She tried to yell at them to get them to stop fighting but then the fists started. It broke her heart and like a crazy fool she got into the middle of it and that is how they discovered her secret. John accidently hit Rose in the nose. She fell back and hit her head on the console. They both rushed to her and John wiped the gashing wound full of blood off her head. While they both were upset, she got hurt they realized Rose Tyler wasn’t that 19-year-old shop girl any more. When John, the full Time Lord, went to the infirmary to get the dermal regenerator, James watched as Rose wiped her head and the wound healed itself. “WHAT?” he said puzzled. “WHAT?” he kept up a few more times as he always did when he wasn’t certain of something. “That’s... that’s...that’s impossible. You... you... you just healed yourself.” 

“Sorry I never meant for you to find out” Rose said softly. 

“Find out what” The Doctor, John, came back in with the machine. He looked at Rose and had the same reaction. "What?” he squat down in front of her and put his glasses on. He was examining her through and through. The bright spot was that he had his glasses on and Rose just loved those glasses. "sexy specs” she called them. “Rose what didn’t you want me to find out?” He asked firmly. Rose looked at James and then at John who she still called Doctor. “I’m not human anymore.” 

“WHAT?” they both said in unison and looked at each other. 

“We found out when I was in Pete’s World. I would heal very easy and never have scars. Bad Wolf altered my biology.”   
“But I took that out of you” John looked at her. 

“I know but my DNA has changed. It’s not human and it’s not like anything we’ve ever seen before on Pete’s World.” She looked at James. That’s when he knew why she decided to stay. 

“That’s why you chose him isn't it?” Rose looked at him and nodded. 

“You would have outlived me and everyone you love” James said softly. 

“I’m sorry” 

“It’s ok love I understand.” James smiled at her. His single heart was still very much broken but he understood better than anyone. He was happy for his other self. He would get the one thing he wanted in the world. Rose Tyler with him forever. 

James walked away from them and went to his room. “Not now” he said softly to his Donna side. That’s what he called his emotional side. He laid on his bed and imagined what his other self must be feeling now. He didn’t have to imagine hard he knew. They still had a connection. His other self was excited and happy, probably the happiest he’s been since everybody lives. Unfortunately, James knew his time on the Tardis was coming to an end. He could feel the timelines shift. He was going to fight it with everything he had. This was his home more than anyone. He deserved to be here just as much. He was still his tenth self after all “wellll maybe 10.2 I guess or ten too I like that ten too” he said to himself. The Tardis hummed she agreed with that sentiment. 

Right now, though he really missed Donna. She was who he would talk to when things got a bit much. She'd always set him straight with her jabs. When he first came around and knew that Rose was going to stay with his other self, he was ok at first because he knew there was Donna. At the time she was fine but once they got back in the Tardis after saying goodbye to Jackie, she started showing signs of trouble. The three of them knew what was going on. There is no way a human could carry a time lord consciousness in her body. James offered to do it but John just looked at him. It was his fault after all. He wanted to keep Rose from being disappointed because he’d change again so he threw the regeneration energy into the hand that became James. Now he had to pay the piper. That left James, John and Rose on the Tardis. For once in his 9 centuries the Tardis felt like it was closing in on him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we dive into lilly's journals and see what' she's up too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys enjoy your side. eventually you'll get to her version of what's happened during seasons 1-4. i'm going to try to alternate chapters between the two sets.
> 
> this does have a warning for suicidal thoughts just let you know

Chapter Three 

 

As Lilly sat there reading over various theories on blackholes and various nebulas drunk men were hitting on her. She ignored them in favor of reading about her favorite constellation Orion. She smiled as she read about Alnitak, Alnilam, and Mintaka Orion’s three bright stars. How many nights did she drag Lucas out and make up stories about how Venus was the love interest of Mars and Mercury? Orion kept them all in place. Orion was the hunter and that is how the stars got fed. He'd also make sure man had food to eat when we were first starting out. That was what she told ten-year-old Lucas when she first started telling him about the stars. She’d weave tales that would make soap opera fans blush at only 10 years old. 

As expected, her drink went untouched as well as the other drink she ordered. She sat there for the allotted one hour she gave him and like she expected he didn’t show up. Next door to the bar was Vicky’s Diner. It hadn’t changed in two years and she immediately went to ‘their’ booth. She knew it was silly to come out all this way but just as her own little personal thank you to her dear friend wherever in the cosmos he may be she had to honor the man that literally saved her life. 

As she sat in Vicky’s Diner, Lilly pulled out her five-subject notebook. Blue had always been Lilly’s favorite color, but she had gotten this one because it matched his intense blue eyes. She opened it up and like she always does with any notebook she signed and dated the start date. Liliana Patrick, October 21, 1989, Vicky’s Diner Los Angeles, California. 1129 pm. She turned to the first page and drew a blank. Luckily the waitress interrupted her writer’s block. Lilly looked up at Sally. She smiled this was the same waitress she had two years ago. “I’ll have a regular Coke no ice, a banana, and some banana nut muffins please.” Sally took down her order and Lilly picked up her pen. “Dear Dr. John Smith, I know you’ll never read this. I know you are long gone and I’ll never see you again but I just had to come here out of the pure chance that lightening might strike twice” she began and by the time Sally came back with her order she was already through explaining why she was 3000 miles away from home. 

“When you said that’s some heavy reading in a place like this” Lilly wrote now on her third page, “I thought god what a horrible pickup line. What you didn’t know was that I was reading it to get the thoughts out of my head. Just do it Lilly. No one will care. Who would notice? Lucas might but he’s too busy he wouldn’t have time to care. Matthew would be more than happy to be rid of you. Melinda never even acknowledges you. You are just their own little mistake. You know they wanted a boy yet what they got was you. Gigi tolerates you and Bitter Pills? Ha! They’re going nowhere and even if they were, they can find any two-bit singer, put a blue wig on their head, and sex them up to sell 100s of records. Face it Lilly you are nothing. You are just taking space up on this earth that could be given to someone a hell of a lot better than you. Do it Liliana do it! Rid the world of your talentless, filthy self. That’s what was going on in my head. I literally had a bottle of Quaaludes in my pocket. I had begun mixing them into my drink. I had crushed about 15 already when you had come up. I was purposely trying to ignore you but somehow you annoyed me enough to get a response. You wouldn’t stop talking! You tried various languages several which I even understood and then you spoke Russian and I answered you. I figured not many American teenage girls would be able to speak fluent Russian specially to answer you’re not so innocent question. Thank you so much for talking till I responded. I was honestly scared. It felt like I had two devils on my shoulders. One very vehemently pushing for me to do it the other wasn’t so insistent. What I really needed was an angel to tell me I would be ok. I had no idea angels had blue eyes, big ears, a great smile and wore a leather coat. My insides were shaking but the more you talked to me the calmer I got. I don’t know if it was your British accent or the timber of your voice, but it soothed me. I remember the look on your face when I asked if you were from Northern England. Again, not many American teenagers would be able to tell a Northern English accent from a London accent. Then again you found out I’m not your normal teenage girl. Then Drama Dave had to come over and do his thing. He was hitting on me and wanting me for things I didn’t want to do. I knew what he wanted and you didn’t know this at the time but I would have had to, to be able to get home. The look on his face when you stood up to him for me was priceless. For the first time in my life I felt safe with someone.at that point I knew I could trust you.” 

Lilly smiled at the memory. She took a drink of her Coke and a bite of her banana. A big smile crossed her face as she pictured him sitting next to her laughing at this dream, he was telling her about. “Barcelona! I remember laughing till I was crying at your description of these dogs with no noses. I’ve thought about getting a shih tzu. They have smashed in noses and that is as close to no nose as you can get on earth. I’d name her Starr. I remember our discussion” she turned to the 14th page front and back of her college ruled notebook, “man I’m already on page 15! Sorry distracted oh Orion you indulged me as I told you about stories I made up. Your bright smile and every time I said something you chimed in with your catchphrase fantastic. Everything was fantastic. I went home saying that as well. By the way these banana nut muffins are … fantastic! Allonsy! Sorry that’s French for let's go. Apparently, Vicky’s diner closes now bummer, 

Wish you were here, 

Angel Rayne. 

October 23, 1989 

Dear Schmitty, 

Hey blue eyes it’s me. I’m home and just finished you guessed it a fantastic banana milkshake. I know it’s been two years but still when I eat something banana, I think of you. Don’t know who I’m kidding I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently. I hope you are ok. Right now, I don’t feel like writing much about why I’m writing at all. I’m really just doing this to get out of statistics homework. Ugh It’s so bleeding dull! I’m not bragging but sometimes it freaking sucks being smart. Man, that sounded conceited. Well there’s one thing if anyone knows me knows I am the least conceited person you’ll ever meet but alas standard deviation calls. Allonsy! I have no idea why I’m going into my French all of a sudden. I have picked it up somewhere. Honestly French is the least favorite of the foreign languages I know. Alas ciao babe, love always raindrop 

October 27, 1989 

Hey Doc, 

So today has been a really rough day. I’ve been reading the letter you left me with this coat a lot. To be honest the coat, the letter, and well my cats Skeeter Mo Deeter and Ginger Anne, are my most prized possessions. Yes, I give my pets middle names. I know I'm weird. If I lost any of these things, I’d be devasted. I’ve been putting it off but the nightmares are returning so I think it’s time to start. Just bear with me. There may be tear statins on this notebook and scratches but hopefully it will lead to healing. 

The first memory I have is someone coming into my room. I can’t do this. I’m sorry I just…no Lilly you have to do it. If he was really here, he’d have you tell him. Schmitty I’m sorry it’s all my fault Matthew even told me afterwards. I made him do it. Somehow my two-year-old self made him come into my room and…please don’t make me say it. No... if there’s one thing I’ve learned… 

November 6, 1989 

Hey John, 

No witty shenanigans today. I’ve been blabbering about what’s been going on in my day to day life. By the way absolutely aced the stats class. I’ve actually gotten most of my gen ed classes out of the way. After Christmas break, I start the real bulk of my classes. I’m forced to go to med school or else Matthew will make my life an even bigger hell. He’s still holding Lucas over my head. He knows if I don’t do as he says that he’ll hurt Lucas. I can’t do that to him. Lucas and I are 9 months to the day apart in age. We have literally been best friend since I was in Melinda’s body. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect Lucas. So, if you ever see me again, I’ll be Dr. Liliana Patrick. I can’t believe I’m almost through this notebook. It has helped a little. I just hope you are ok. Love always raindrop.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tardis team is back and we're getting into the dynamic of having two doctors on a tardis

Chapter Four

The Doctor, John, has been trying to take Rose to New Earth for the last week. Everytime he lands and thinks its correct they run into another issue. First it was the gang of Ercen that wanted their air to be breathable again. They had a great point but it was easy to settle. Then there were the Durze. They had run out of food and wanted a way to establish agriculture. They were a primitive species. They were very much like the first humans The Doctor encountered when he showed them how to make fire way back in the caveman days. He was proud of them because they came so far since then. It was another Cybermen invasion, 147 he’d swear to it. By now he was just trying to find a day to take Rose to New Earth for some relaxation. He picked New Earth because as he would say that was their ‘first date’ in this body. He'd always remember the smell of apple grass and laying on his coat watching the city of New, New York before dealing with Cassandra, meeting the Face Of Boe who he still can’t believe is Jack, and dealing with Novice Hame. Now as he tried to land again, they landed on a planet called Paradise. He knew what was happening. He knew who was behind the miss landings. He knew who he was going to have to have a talk to. Himself, well his other self. Blimey it’s confusing having a metacrisis around.

“Doctor John Noble” The Doctor reluctantly spat out as he introduced himself to the red and white Barzunian on the planet Paradise. He shot James an evil sideways glance but put on a charming smile. His and Rose’s holiday would have to wait…AGAIN. “I’m Doctor James Noble and this is Rose Tyler. We’re here because we got a distress call.” _No we’re here because you are jealous and don’t want Rose and I to have a peaceful holiday_. He said into his ‘twin’s’ head. “Yes all of our peppermint has been burnt up and the Festival Of Passion is coming up. If we don’t have our peppermint then the festival won’t be able to go on and we won’t be able to have our flock due in the Splash Season.” _Mating season serves you right._ John sent James another message. This time he was laughing in his head. James cursed him in Gallifreyan and John sent him an image of disapproval.

The Tardis trio looked at this alien who was red on one side of his face and white on the other. He was bipedal but had four arms two of each color. “Yes, yes we’ll be more than happy to help won’t we James” John sneered at his twin. John was taking a mild amusement out of this in James head until the Barzunian smelled Rose’s peppermint gum. _His name is Cupid. maybe he‘ll shoot you in the heart and you can find someone of your own_. James gave him an evil cold stare. _That doesn’t work on me_. However, while John and James were having their inner spats, Cupid grabbed Rose and declared she would be his prisoner until such a time as the peppermint could be produced. While the planet was named Paradise, both James and John knew that being a prisoner on this planet was a lot different than being a prisoner on any other planet. Rose would be responsible for part of the season’s flock. That's when the snarky comments stopped and they came together. No one was going to take their Rose and make her their mate. That got both James and John into an uproar. Instinctively John aimed his sonic screwdriver at Cupid. The blue light pointing right at him. “Give her back to me” he said in his most threatening voice. The Oncoming Storm was about to be unleashed. _What are you going to do? Build a cabinet around them?_ James snarked back at his twin’s head. John this time let off a long list of Gallifreyan swear words that would ban him forever if Gallifrey still stood.

Even though normally John was a peaceful man, the events of the past year have changed him a bit. Having Rose back in his life has made him quite territorial especially since James is around. He knew she chose him, the full Time Lord him and the reasoning behind it. However, he was still scared that one day she’d wake up and realize what she chose and would want his other self. He braced himself when he tried to get her to stay with Jackie and James. He had only been back with her for a little while. Now he had been with her the equivalent of six Earth months and he was in no way ready to let her go, even if it was to his other half. He was getting territorial. He would try and hide it with a smile but he didn’t want anyone to do anything with his Rose Marion Tyler. She was his now by her own choice. He would fight to his death to save her.

John was still getting used to this new aspect of their relationship. Yes, he had been married before, multiple times. He had children, grandchildren but nothing like what he felt for Rose. He never was able to tell her he loved her. He tried so many times but he couldn’t get the words to come out of his mouth. Oh, they were easy for James to tell her and he did but John couldn’t say the words. This is why he wanted to go to New Earth. He was going to say it once and for all. Yet James knew it and that’s why he kept sabotaging their trip. He thought James was ok with him and Rose but apparently, he’s still upset that he wound up the loser. James had the option to stay on Pete's world (that was a definite no) or endure seeing them together. Now John, Rose and James are paying for his decision. Isn't that wizard?

As if by brandishing the sonic screwdriver would really work, Cupid, just picked Rose up screaming and kicking to get away. James and John worked together to get the peppermint back but what John didn’t know was that James was starting to feel how peppermint works on this planet. He was so wrapped up in trying to get Rose to safety he wasn’t paying attention to his other self’s vibes. “Rassilon!” he grumbled to himself. While he was still a 906-year-old Time Lord, he now had a male human body with human endocrine system. “Come on we have to get the peppermint to them!” he growled as if John didn’t know that already.

“Yeah I’m well aware of that” John snapped back.

James looked around. To the human population he was very handsome, both of them were. They had spikey brown hair, brown sideburns and chocolate brown eyes. However, James was giving off a pheromone to all of the females in the area. He noticed them looking at him with their pink eyes like he was Sunday dinner and they were going to have a feast. He even heard one call him pretty. He started blushing and that made things worse for him. Normally being attractive to someone wouldn’t be an issue for James. His ego quite enjoyed it when people would be interested in him but he was not interested in being part of the flock. His inner Donna was shrilling at him. “Get to work you skinny boy in a suit!” that was all it took. He was back into his rescue mode.

The Doctors ran back to The Tardis. “You find some peppermint I’m going to try to find a way to get Rose out of there” John commanded him. He looked at him and snarled. He didn’t like being ordered around like he didn’t know what he was doing. He was still a Time Lord after all. With John out looking for a way to play hero to the damsel in distress, James found some peppermint leaves tucked away in the cupboards in the kitchen. He was able to produce enough to hopefully get the Barzunians off their backs. He took all the peppermint he could get and stuck it in his pockets. He casually walked back over to them. “Hello” he said smiling his charming dashing smile. James found out that the Barzunian he was talking to was Cupid’s sister, Caliegha. James didn’t like the way she was looking at him but he trudged on. “I’m The Doctor,” he was going to say that. It was still his name after all. “I have found some peppermint for you.” He reached in and took the peppermint from out of his pockets. Caliegha was extremely happy. She was giving him the Barzunian equivalent of ‘the eye.’

Cupid came back and James explained to him he had the peppermint. It was enough to last for three seasons. At that time John came back with Rose in hand. Rose was looking extremely uncomfortable. James knew why because he was feeling it as well. Cupid and the rest of the Barzunians were so happy they wanted to hold a festival in their honor. “Thank you we appreciate it but Rose here, she needs to get back home” James smiled and started to walk away. He turned his back to Caliegha only to have four arms reach out and grab him. John was trying to not laugh. James could feel it in his head. _There you go Romeo. You have your own girl now._ John snickered at his twin. James gave him an evil look and slowly made his way from the grasps of Caliegha’s huge arms. “We must be off” John bid adieu to Cupid and took Rose’s hand. James followed behind and listened to them laugh at what had happened. _That’s what you get for trying to ruin our holiday._ James growled at him back in his head and cussed him out in a stream of Gallifrey swear words. If there’s one thing The Doctor did know how to do, it was have a fight with himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lilly through the 90s and to the start of the new millenium. unknowingly meets a certain someone.

Chapter Five

  
For the past six years Lilly has been writing daily to her friend Dr. John Smith who she has affectionately named Schmitty. She is his Raindrop. Although they only met one time when Lilly was 19 years old he made an indelible mark on her life. In 6 years she has estimated she has gone through 14,400 sheets of paper. She writes to him about what happened to her as a child depending on where last night’s nightmare took her. As of right now she’s 27 years old. It’s been almost 10 years since that night. That’s 10 years she’s had the leather coat he left her. Ten years since a simple letter that literally just says when no one else does I believe in you. Ten years since she’s heard him say fantastic and saw his cheesy smile. She thought he was handsome but being honest with herself she wouldn’t have looked twice. “I’m a rock girl Schmitty. You know that. My band Bitter Pills was playing the night we met. I have a thing for shaggy sexy hair. Jake for example if he wasn’t my best friend I'd be Succumb’s biggest groupie. I'd never in a million years tell him how hot I think he is but I'm a sucker for long shaggy blond hair. I have no idea why I told you that. I guess after 6 years it was time to come clean. I'm off to sleep now. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY I'll be able to sleep but I just have a horrible feeling something is going to happen.”

  
April 20, 1995

  
I pray with every breath in my being you are ok. I know you are from London. Well Northern England see I remember. I just pray you nor any family or loved ones were in Oklahoma City, OK today. My heart is breaking for everyone. If only there was a way to go back and warn people. I now there are laws about time. Since you’ll never see this I can tell you something special about my friend Jack. You see and I didn’t believe it at first you see he’s from the 51st century. Yeah I know and I'm the Queen Of England. Actually I've met her a few times. I just adore her. Anyway he used to tell me stories about traveling with a man a Time Lord Jack called him “The Doctor.” I told Jack I was born in the morning but not yesterday morning and he told me about fixed points in time. God if I could ever meet him I'd be anything to go back to today and warn all of these people not to go in. The hospitals are over run and I'm heading out tomorrow to help. I'm not able to do surgery yet but I'm still a doctor. I graduated top of my class at Yale. I think you would be so proud of me. However tonight your Raindrop is shedding a few more teardrops than usual. If you’re out there hug someone you love extra close tonight because tomorrow is no guarantee.  
Love always,  
Lils.

  
May 1, 1995

  
Hey John,  
I’ve been so overrun. I’ve been pulling so many shifts helping out at the bombing site these nurses and doctors some of them knew these kids. My heart’s breaking. I swear it couldn’t hurt worse if I had two. Sad thing is I’m one of the ones that know how it feels to lose a child. When I was 17 Matthew and his minions still raped me. That’s when the suicide attempts started. On June 22 Jessica Lauren Patrick Ashton was born. Even though she’s not Lucas’ daughter I gave her his last name to spite my father. Unfortunately she only lasted 6 months. She had an extremely rare brain cancer. That’s why you basically got a whole notebook worth of pain for Christmas. Being around these patients are bringing up some hard times for me. Thank you for listening. – RD

  
June 22, 1995

  
Hey Jesi my sweet, normally I write to your Uncle John but today would have been your 11th birthday. I’m sorry no one knows about you except for me and your Uncle Lucas. Boy did we love you. We loved that sweet smile of yours that angelic laugh. Lucas and I always pictured you having deep dark blue eyes like me, curly palomino blond hair like me. You had my dimple. I know you’re happy and not hurting but I miss you so much. My heart aches to get to hold you again. I know I will someday. You enjoy your day and if you can please find your Uncle John and watch over him. Odds are he doesn’t even remember me but you know what? Because he believed in me I made it all the way through. I honestly completed my first brain surgery. Patient cutie is going to be fine. If you find Uncle John if he still has any hair left just send a gentle breeze through. I know you’re happy now you have Skeeter and Ginger but tell them I miss them both and they were the greatest cats a girl could ever have. Just watch petting Skeeter’s belly and give Ginger a scratch under her chin for me. I miss them both so dearly. I miss you so dearly. Happy birthday in heaven my sweet angel. Love always mommy.

  
October 31, 1997.

  
This place has changed so much in 10 years. The bar scene has died and now it’s a used care place. Some schmaltzy looking clown with curliest of hair but the prettiest blue eyes tried to sell me this canary yellow roadster. Said it was supped up like couldn’t believe. He said he was fond of it and actually named it Bessie. I’ll admit it was a cool car but god bless the salesman. His poor outfit. It had plaid mixed with stripes. That’s not bad enough it literally looked like a rainbow threw up on him. I didn’t have the heart to ask if he was color blind. Whoever let him out of the house that day boy. I’m sorry I’m not one to make fun of people but I’ll never forget that outfit. It was so loud. He was really kind of arrogant but ya know what he grew on me. In the stupidest of ways he reminded me of you. I have no idea why well I do actually. He was British. That was truthfully the only reason why I even listened to his schmeel. I could only imagine if you saw him and his outfit. Oh well I just hope that wherever you are today you are happy, healthy and loved. Thanks for being my therapy through 24,000 pages. Honestly that is 120 notebooks and sadly I haven’t even touched the surface of what happened to me when I was a kid. Oh well stories to come like how it came to be that I actually fell in love with the stars.  
Shining bright through the clouds, god that was cheesy, yours truly Raindrop.

December 31, 1999  
We’re gonna party like its 1999! Wow I never would have though I’d live to see the dawn of a new century and a new millennium. Jack won’t give me spoilers except for the fact I’ve seen him die (he was my first patient) and come back to life I would have never believed his whole time travel schmeel. Lucas and Jake don’t know. They just know that both of us work for a government agency for the queen. Honestly I have no idea what I’d ever say or do if I ever met “The Doctor” but I know I’d be extremely fascinated. I’m a scientist it’s in my guts to want to learn. Oh and starting in April of 2000 I’m going to be teaching at the Copper Institute in London. I know it sounds stalkerish but I swear I’m not. I do wish I knew your real name. Who knows maybe I will run into. Dr. Smith there. I’m teaching astrophysics hope you have a great and swell new year.  
Party on John, Party on,  
Raindrop


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james comes to a decision

Chapter Six

After a few more misguided attempts to land on New Earth that landed them in all kinds of hot water, one time literally in a vat of hot water. John promised Rose that when James went to sleep, “his humanly duties” John sneered which got him an evil glare from Rose. “Sorry … anyway I’ll pilot us to New Earth. I know what he’s doing, he’s purposely sabotaging our trip because he doesn’t want to be alone.”  
“How do you know?” John gave her the dribbled down the shirt look.  
“Because he’s me and I would do the same thing.” Rose immediately felt bad and guilty. It’s her fault all of this is going on however the tension is getting to her. She feels like she can’t enjoy time with John (who she still calls Doctor) without upsetting James (who she just calls James.) “Well can’t we get Martha, or Mickey or Jack to come along?”  
“Rose they all have lives of their own. They don’t want to come and babysit any more than you nor I do.” James knew John knew he was there and said that to get him. They try to be civil but they still have to get their digs into each other. This one hurt him deeply. He wasn’t good enough for Rose the love of his life then who was he good enough for? Donna's insecurities were starting to get to him. “STOP IT!” He kept telling himself. “You are still a Time Lord.” He kept berating himself. He knew John was right. He had sabotaged many of their attempts to get to New Earth. John was also right, it was because he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to play the third wheel either.

James was having a rough time adjusting to the new dynamic on the Tardis. Many times he wondered what it would be like to have a fellow Time Lord on board. Now he knew what it was like. “I’m the one that even stuck my heart out there for her. He’s done nothing! He’s a big coward and she still wants him.” James knew the reason but it still hurt. “Oh Donna I wish you were still here.” He sighed as he laid in his bed resenting the implication that he needed to be babysat. “I’m a bloody Time Lord. I don’t need babysitting. I’m older than every one of our friends by almost a millennia. I’ve saved their world countless times and most of the time without even being thanked. Maybe I should have stayed with Caliegha at least she wanted me.” Donna tears started prickling the back of his eyes. “Rassilon!” he growled. He was still a Time Lord and no self-respecting Time Lord would ever be seen brooding and here he was doing just that. He didn’t realize it at first but the tears weren’t just prickling behind his eyes now they were streaming down his face. “What has happened to me?” he thought to himself. “I used to just be a hand in a jar. Then other me didn’t want to change and have Rose not want him any longer. So yeah he got the girl but lost his best friend and made his own worst nightmare, a clone of himself.” He tried as much as he could to hang on but deep down he knew. The Tardis wasn’t even really his home anymore. “OI watch it spaceman!” Donna shrilled in his mind again. When he’d get upset she was always there to remind him. The Tardis sent him comforting feelings but that didn’t even work anymore. He knew. Truth is he knew for a long time. Rose didn’t even look at him anymore. He might as well have been Micky bloody Smith. now who’s the real idiot?

As The Tardis landed, James knew what he had to do. He gathered himself together got his Tardis blue bigger on the inside suitcase and started packing some things. The Tardis knew he preferred the blue suit and that’s how Sarah Jane, Jack, Martha and Mickey could tell them apart. Jack called him Doctor Blueberry and John was Doctor Chocolate. She gave him several blue suits with various colors of shirts. He had his custom red chucks and even a tuxedo of doom. The Tardis made him his own sonic screwdriver and even though he really, really wanted the coat he couldn’t do that. He was going to be his own man. He’d find his own way in life. He was no longer going to be ‘the other doctor’ or ‘the clone’ he was going to be Dr. James Ian Noble.

James took some gemstones and other items that he could get and sell so he could have money to buy a house. “Me in a house with walls and doors and carpets.” The Tardis gave him his own psychic paper and full-fledged credentials. He got a piece of coral and he was going to do this. However, he just had to get one last dig in. He knew John’s biggest fear was he’d take off and take the coat with him. Instead he took the coat and hid it. Once Rose had her back turned, he slipped the note he left them in her Jacket.

_Dear Rose and me, Time has come for me to no longer be a burden to you. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but you’ll no longer have to worry about ‘babysitting’ me. While you are on New Earth I am going to go back to old earth. I’m going to start my own Tardis growing and then I’ll be living in the 21st century while she matures. We all know police boxes had to get inspired by something. Not that you guys will ever need me or even want to see me again but if you do Jack will know where I am. In all honesty I wish you guys the best of luck and many regenerations of happiness. Until then Theta Sigma/Dr. James Ian Noble Oh and Theta, good luck finding the coat. ∑_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we learn about lilly's childhood and she actually meets someone but doesnt know exactly who it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning there is talk of what happened to lilly as a kid. it doesnt go into graphic detail but it does mention a couple words so if that bothers you just be warned.

Chapter Seven

April 1, 2000

Wow it’s already April Schmitty! It’s so weird having to write 20 instead of 19. I remember the big Y2K that was going on. People were thinking the world was coming to an end because computers weren’t designed to take on the new year. Some people will freak out over anything I suppose.

So let me tell you what happened to me today. As a cruel April fools joke the nurses got me good. I’ve told them ever since I became in charge if a British man with a great smile, beautiful blue eyes comes in saying his name is Dr. John Smith to strap him to a gurney and call me regardless of day or night. They called CODE QUEEN. That’s my special code they made up. I about had heart failure. Thankfully I was in my office and wasn’t busy. I threw the paperwork I was working on in the air and literally ran at full tilt to the nurses station. I always wear tennis shoes oh excuse me you guys call them trainers with every outfit. I ran down there so excited. I had no idea what I was going to say to you or anything. I just knew it had to be you.

Unfortunately when I got there the guy that was the CODE QUEEN had gorgeous blue eyes, a pretty smile very toothy but genuine and very curly hair. I thought mine was curly oh man his looks like what Webster would put in the dictionary to define curly hair. While he was a nice, friendly guy he wasn’t you. Although in a weird way he reminded me of you. Are all British men from now on going to remind me of you? I will say he had the most absolutely AMAZING scarf. I couldn’t help but twirl it around in my hands. He was laughing because it was so long like never ending long and I was obsessed with it. He was a great guy. He was funny even told me what’s the point in being grown up if you can’t act a little childish at times. That stuck with me all day. I asked him where he got this scarf because I wanted one. I’m not normally a scarf person but that was just an awesome scarf and it would look great with my jacket uh your jacket. He actually told me Madame Nostradamus gave it to him. I smiled at him. Yeah sounds like he needed to be on the third floor. In America the third floor is generally the psych ward over here so it’s kinda a joke. I told him if he ever sees madame again to have her make me one only in various shades of blue. He smiled big at me an said he would. Then he offered me a jelly baby. I was so excited. I hadn’t had those since I was a teenager in boarding school. We talked for a few minutes and then he said he must be off. He smiled big at me and then left. Who would have thought in their lifetime I’d meet two people who claim to be doctors and go by the name John Smith. He was too young to be your dad. What am I saying like you guys are all related? Wait maybe you’re his dad? Nah I know it’s an alias. I hope someday if I ever meet you again I’ll get your real name. Until then Doc have a good day. Oh and the verdict is out on if green jelly babies do the same thing that green m&m’s do the one and only raindrop of love.

December 31, 2004

Happy New Year Schmitty! We’ve been having this one way conversation for 15 years now. A part of me is thinking I should stop but a part of me feels like I should keep it up. I can’t believe I still go through one 5 subject notebook a month. I counted to make sure and this is #180. That’s 36,000 pages!

As you know I just turned 37. Incase you’re wondering or even care I’m still single. I’m just…I’m too awkward to date. I’m the girl that loves going to sporting events but then stares up at the sky at night. Anyone that goes out with me either hates sports or thinks I’m crazy for finding the romance in the stars. I’m also very shy and backward believe it or not because well my self esteem isn’t the greatest. Yeah I know I’ve accomplished A LOT in my life even nominated for major, major world renowned awards but I just feel like why would anyone want me? I always feel like that horror movie _Carrie_ . I’m the Carrie and if someone asked me out I’d be looking all over for a bucket of pigs blood. I guess though as long as all of my friends are happy I live vicariously through them. Besides I’m too old and set in my ways to have someone come disrupt my life. I don’t even have animals anymore because of not being around. I’m either in Cardiff or London or somewhere in America. I can’t do that to any baby. I never did get that shih tzu I talked about a million years ago. It’s fine though. I’m happy playing the big sister or little sister to everyone. I’m used to it I’ve done it all my life. Hope you had a great Christmas. You know how mine was the same as always.

I don’t know why but here recently, well I do know why. I think about him all the time during basketball season. I’ve been thinking about my Uncle John. He’s the one that when I woke up after being with you I was in his house. He passed away a few years after I met you and you know what he never did tell me how I wound up there. It was like I don’t know some kinda _Star Trek_ thing I just got beamed 3000 miles away. Oh my God is your real name Scotty? That would be hilarious if it was. I’m not a Trekkie by any means but that would be classic.

Anyway I don’t think I ever told you about how I fell in love with the stars. When I was a little girl as you know no one wanted me. Matthew molested and raped me repeatedly. Melinda took me to Uncle John’s. She said she’d be back Monday night to get me. Monday night rolled around no Melinda. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday no Melinda. I was coming in the house and I heard my Uncle John arguing with his wife Sheryl. Sheryl was funny. She would pretend like she liked me but I knew the truth. She didn’t care for me. She still doesn’t care for me and I have zero idea why. I haven’t seen her since his funeral and when I showed up she wasn’t too happy that I was there. Anyway I heard them arguing. “We’re not keeping her! She’s Matthew’s problem let him deal with the little brat. She shouldn’t be here anyways. No one ever asked me if I minded watching her. They just dump her on me. If they don’t want her that bad why not put her up for adoption? I’m sure some couple would want a 6 year old kid. Let her be someone else’s bad luck for a change. She doesn’t have to be ours.”

I have always been a sensitive child. It wasn’t in the tender hearted kind of way it was the in touch with my feelings way. I knew right away if someone liked me or not. Schmitty there is no one on this planet that has tried as hard as I have to get people to like me. To be honest, that’s how I understood what you were saying most of the time. In my head I thought if I learned or liked the things other people liked then they would like me. I knew Matthew liked opera. I literally at 8 years old took voice lessons. I learned to sing opera in languages I couldn’t even pronounce just on the off chance that he would like me. I thought if he liked me he wouldn’t hurt me. Of course it didn’t work but I still knew how to sing in Russian, Italian, and French. I learned the violin, piano, guitar and drums as well. I was forced into learning how to ballroom dance. I did all of this on just the HOPE the freaking HOPE that he’d like me and not hurt me again. If I was to learn everything that he liked I’d be the perfect kid and he’d be happy to have me. Of course that never happened. In fact because I learned all of that it made my life worse.

But anyway I digress back to John. I was standing in the doorway and heard everything. Most kids would run crying. Not me. I had already cried my eyes out enough at six that any hurtful word just slid off my back. John didn’t know I was there but I saw him slap Sheryl. I was going to say something but they were both too shocked to start. Honestly that bothered me more than what she said. I always looked up to my Uncle John. I didn’t like seeing him hit anyone. Then he actually let into her. “She is a child! She can’t help what happened. Do you think she wishes that her mother abandoned her? How can you say that bout a child?” At that point I came in. I told him it was ok and it was something I was used to. Being abandoned or left with nannies or thrown across the ocean to go to school so they wouldn’t have to deal with me I was used to it. I left and went into my room and packed my bags. I was six I had no idea where I was going to go but I knew I couldn’t stay there. I heard them yelling at each other and I got my suitcase and said goodbye to my cousin Joey. I walked off the porch and started walking away from the house. Looking back it was amazing I didn’t get kidnapped or something. I made it about a mile down the street before I got tired.

Where Uncle John lived was in a rural place. I was 180 miles from home. It had been three hours and was getting dark. There was a forest and I saw a rabbit. Being the animal lover that I am I was excited to see a rabbit. I followed it until it got away from me. I was in the woods. I was a little scared so I sat by a tree. It was getting dark and cold out. I wasn’t surprised no one was looking for me. In my head they were better off without me but I was getting hungry. I heard the siren that rang so I knew it was 9 pm. Uncle John lived near a fire station and every night at 9 p.m. they sounded the alarm. Finally I heard them screaming for me. I decided I wasn’t going to answer. I didn’t want to be a burden on them but I was getting really scared now. I heard Joey scream for me and I told him where I was. Uncle John came running up to me. I stiffened up because I was expecting to be hit or spanked. Instead he got down on his knees in front of me. I had never seen my Uncle John cry until that night. He had big tears in his eyes. He told me he was so scared something happened to me. I told him no one wanted me so I thought he wouldn’t care if I left or not. He was so sad when I said that. “Palomino” that was his nickname for me because of my blond hair. “I’ll always want you.” He hugged me and squeezed me real tight. I told him I didn’t want to go back because I didn’t want to hurt Sheryl. I didn’t want to be a problem. Imagine a six year old feeling like that John? Can you imagine? He told me I’d never be a problem to him. For some reason I believed that. Then he told me to look up. I saw what I now know is Orion’s belt. “Lilly I want you know no matter where I am I am always here for you. If you get lost and can’t find your way, just look for Orion. I’ll guide you home.” I didn’t understand fully what he meant all I knew was my six year old tears started pouring. He held me while I cried my eyes out. I think I fell asleep in his arms because when I woke up I was back in his house in the bed I was sleeping in when I left you. He was the only one to ever make me feel safe and loved.

Maybe it’s the name, maybe it’s the masculine bravado manly man vibe the both of you gave off maybe it’s because you stuck up for me I don’t know but you reminded me of him so much. I felt safe with you just like I felt safe with him. Now that he’s gone and has been gone, when I look up at Orion I think of you. You’re my guiding star. Wow this got deeper than I originally thought it would. I just hope wherever you are at John you are happy, loved and healthy. Happy new year and may 2005 be “THE YEAR” I get to see you again. Love always, Raindrop


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james is on earth and is doing a little nostalgia tour

Chapter Eight

“Ah here we are” James smiled as he stepped out onto the streets of London. It was the early part of 1900. “It’s going to take a very long time for her to grow so by the time 1929 gets here she’ll look like a police box that will inspire Gilbert Trench in 1929 to design the ones you know and love Rose.” He turned around and realized it was just him. He didn’t have anyone to show off for or to teach. That’s when it hit him like a dying star, he was alone. Cold hard lonesomeness hit him right in the face. He looked down and realized the magnitude of his decision. He could go find Jack. He knew now Torchwood had been set up for about 21 years now thanks to him and Rose, but he wasn’t ready to deal with Jack and his uneasiness. Of course, also he had to preserve the timeline otherwise he would vanish away. It was Jack after all that found his hand. He waggled his fingers. He still loved that hand.

James left 1900 England, Earth and jumped ahead to check The Tardis. As he expected she was growing nicely. “See Dumbo that’s what you get for listening to me” Donna’s voice rang in his ears. Once again, he jumped ahead only this time to plant the idea of police boxes in the mind of Gilbert Trench. “Weeelll with a little help from me” he grinned as he thought about all of the ways he helped ‘influence’ history. “Being a shop attendant wasn’t so bad Rose” he told her one night after they finally managed to see Elvis. “I was one once. There was this 11-year-old boy and his mother in the store. They didn’t have much money, but she wanted to get him a birthday present. He wanted a rifle she wanted to get him a bike. Neither one wanted the other’s gift. So, I went up to them and smiled and suggested this acoustic guitar. This blond little boy decided he liked that, and his mother agreed. Ten years later was 1956. Do you know what happened in 1956 Rose?”  
“What Doctor?”  
“January 1956 ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ was released and the world was forever changed.”  
“Oh you think you’re so impressive” she smiled that big smile that he loved and continued the joke she started in his previous body. “I am so impressive” he smiled back at her.  
“You wish” she laughed “but Elvis had dark hair”  
“Aw see that’s because he wanted to be a truck driver and two things truck drivers had, black hair and” he smiled and rubbed his cheek “sideburns. Imagine Elvis being a truck driver? Thank god for that guitar” he laughed “which” he ran back through The Tardis “look what I have” he laughed and started plucking, very badly, and doing his own impression of “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” he watched as Rose laughed at him. He’d do anything to get her to laugh. He smiled at the memory but also felt very sad. He was no longer going to be the one to make her smile.

As he left The Tardis, he remembered being in London the first time. He walked by 76 Totters Lane. He couldn’t help but smile at the old junkyard. About six months from now his crusty old first self would be landing here with Susan. Oh he missed her. She was his granddaughter and he loved her more than anything. Regardless of what his companions thought, he always had the best intentions in his hearts. Even though she may have been upset with him, he knew that as long as she was with him Susan would never have the normal life she craved. That’s why he left her behind to marry David.

  
For about two months now James has been working at the school. He loves it. He gets to show off for students and actually makes a difference. He’s also made great friends with a certain history and science teacher. He got to see Ian and Barbara before they were his companions. He made great friends with them. It was so nice to see them without them knowing who he truly was. To them he was just Dr. James Noble. In a few months they would meet him when he was his first self.

Susan has been at the school but so far he’s kept his distance from her. She’s in Miss Smith’s English class. James went through the classics with his students and they loved it. Then it got time for Shakespeare. To a bunch of 15 year olds Shakespeare is long dead and gone. He was confusing to understand and read but James brought him to life in a way only he can. They were excited to learn about The Bard and he had a big smile on his face as they went through _Loves Labors Lost._ When he went back to The Tardis that night he called Jack up to see how Martha was doing. She was doing great. She was still working for UNIT. He was happy her life wasn’t totally ruined by their time together. 

James eventually ran into Susan after all. She looked at him and apologized but noticed something strange about Mr. Noble. “Hello Susan” he smiled just like he did to Sarah Jane when he was pinstripes. Susan looked at him strange again. She was a Time Lady so she knew about regenerations. “G…g…grandfather?” she said unsurely.  
“Yes it’s me”  
“Oh my what… you’re different somehow.”  
“You know I can’t tell you” he smiled at his granddaughter. To the outside world she looked 15/16 but she was much, much older than that.They talked for a while and it was so nice to see his granddaughter again. He hasn’t seen her since his fifth body when he and some others were zapped out of their timeline to go back to Gallifrey. It was nice seeing her like she was now.

  
James couldn’t tell Susan about Rose, The Time War, the metacrisis anything. Susan knew the laws of time of course like any well-schooled time tot but there’s always a chance she’d let something slip. Her intelligence is what led Ian and Barbara to start snooping after all. Still he just once more had to go by the old junkyard. One he wanted to see his old albeit much younger than pinstripes self. Time is such a funny thing. He walked cheerfully through the doors as he walked Susan home. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh, choke, or slap himself when old man Doctor accused him of being Susan’s’ boyfriend. “What? What? What?”  
“You heard me young man”  
“Yeah I heard you but I can’t believe YOU asked that!”  
“Grandfather this is” Susan looked up at James not sure if she should go on.  
“I’m you!” His first self chuckled. James always did like the laughter in that body.  
“No my boy you most certainly are not me.”  
“Boy do I change thankfully” James chuckled. Normally he’d have an argument with himself but he had been doing that a lot recently. This time he just bid himself goodbye. “It’s so nice to see you again Susan.”  
“It’s nice to see this version of you too grandfather.”  
“Just remember Susan no matter what happens I love you.”  
“I love you too grandfather.” He gave her a hug and held on extra tight. His Donna side was trying to come through but he would not let his grumpy old man self see that. He bid her adieu and walked out of the junkyard.

With all the talk of Susan and her calling him Grandfather again it reminded him of Wilf. He decided he was going to make it a point to see Wilf as much as he could. It had been a long time since he had a father and even though he was about a millennia older than Wilf, he loved the man. He would have been honored to have had him as a father. Maybe he could be his Earthly father. Seems like sometimes even 900 year old Time Lords can use a fatherly advice.

The school was a buzz with Barbara, Ian, and Susan all of a sudden gone missing. There were rampant rumors of course but after a while things died down. James told them Barbara and Ian were just traveling. He was using Roses' old excuse to the police. He said Susan from what he understood lived with her grandfather and he decided to move to America. It sounded good enough to him and he was able to convince the police of it as well. James is seeing the other side of what it’s like to be “The Doctor” otherwise known as the aftermath. He stayed for about six months at the school then he got the itch. He needed to leave. His Tardis was growing nicely and he figured he might only have to stay on the Earth’s present future time for about a couple of years before she could fly. A couple of years wouldn’t be too bad would it? He was exiled in the 1970s for a while. Ok so it really drove him batty and the Brigadier “The Brigadier! That’s who I can go see next!” He did owe poor Alistair some good liquor for nearly driving him insane. He laughed at the memories he had of the Brig finding him in his third body and then watching him regenerate into his fourth. He laughed as he remembered the RIDICULOUS outfits he tried on. He wasn’t going to wear them of course he just wanted to make The Brig and Harry laugh. He was a court jester, a Viking, a ballerina he thinks he can’t remember what all of the crazy outfits he tried on. That body had a tendency to be a little childish. He rather enjoyed that body it was one of his favorites.

James walked into Alistair’s office, “Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart how are you? It’s so good to see you” James shook Alistair’s hand.  
“Do I know you?” the Brigadier looked puzzled. James forgot that the brig had retired and wasn’t at Sarah’s ‘wedding.’ “Oh just an old friend passing through.” He smiled at the brig. Alistair gave a puzzled look. “I best be off don’t want my old self to see this self” James smiled. “Doctor?” Alistair asked surprised. “But…but…you’re in there with Miss Shaw.”  
“Liz! Oh wow” he laughed. “I liked her. How are you?”  
“It is just one thing after another with you isn’t it Doctor” the brig shook his head.  
“That’s time travel for you” he smiled. “It’s good to see you again Alistair” James hugged his old friend and walked away. He could sense his third self nearby. He did however get a glance at his outfit. “Cape that makes me look like Count Dracula. Weeeelllll it was the 70s sure beats what I wore in my 6th body. Those curls must have been permed way to tight.”  
“What are you doing here?” James didn’t get away fast enough. “Did they send you?”  
“Did who send me?”  
“The Time Lords did they send you? Who are you? You’re…an anomaly.”  
“Spoilers”  
“Spoilers? What does that mean?”  
“It means I can’t tell you what your future holds oh and James Bond you might want to ditch the cape. You look like Dracula in it.”  
“Who are YOU to tell ME what to wear? Look at yourself” he stood at full attention. His chest was puffed out and he was giving the very masculine, macho vibe off. “Yeah I’ve come a long way” he winked at his third self and laughed as he walked by. “By Theta” he waved. His third self almost had a stroke. No one has called him Theta since the academy. “Oh and be nicer to Liz. Maybe she’ll stick around.” As James was leaving he had the sudden urge to buy some jelly babies.

  
Normally he doesn’t like seeing his past selves. It can create a paradox and cause trouble. However there are times if he’s very, very careful just a peak wouldn’t hurt. He helped Jo get his third self some tea, he watched as Sarah Jane came into the Brigadier’s office. He even saw Harry again. He missed some of his old companions. He wasn’t normally one to be nostalgic because they move on and leave and forget about him. They go on with their lives and he’s left alone. However seeing them when they are young and just starting out on their adventures together did make him happy. “Oh Donna I wish you could have had more adventures with me” he said softly as he passed by his fifth self. “Celery, I was right not many men could pull off wearing a decorative vegetable.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lilly unknowingly meets rose and jackie. we also see what it's like to be on the outside looking in of the events that happened in season 1

Chapter Nine

March 27, 2005

Schmitty! Oh my holy canaries batman! You wouldn’t believe what happened yesterday! Yes I know aliens do exist. Yes I’ve seen quite a few working with Jack at Torchwood. I don’t work there much and I’m not in the field. I work when I’m in England mostly on the weekends. I give their doctor a break on the weekends. Jack gave me the breakdown on aliens. I never really talked about Torchwood before because if someone, anyone got a hold of this then they’d think I lost my mind aliens? But now maybe the world WILL believe.

I was at a shopping mall store yesterday. Actually met a real sweet girl at the store. Her name was Rose. We kinda bonded because of our flowery names. She had blond hair and a big mouth but she was sweet. She was about the same age I was when I met you….WAIT…NO IT CAN’T BE…WAIT… Holy crap…holy crap…I just realized the store. I… wow… ok this is going to take a few seconds for me to calm down. You see Jack told me all of these wild stories about when he was traveling with “The Doctor.” I’ve actually in some kind of stupid sense have become like a fan girl. That’s the word they use these days. In my day it was nerd. Anyway he told me about The Doctor and this blond girl. Her name was Rose Tyler. Jack never gave me like specific dates and details. I don’t know if he knows or not but anyway Rose is actually The Doctor’s girlfriend. Jack calls her his girlfriend but he says The Doctor is kinda oblivious and an idiot and won’t tell her how he feels. Ha he doesn’t sound alien he just sounds like a man. Sorry anyway I left the store because it was closing and then all of a sudden boomyah it blew up! Holy canaries Orion! Jack told me that The Doctor blew up Rose’s shop. Which means if I met Rose then The Doctor wasn’t far behind. Damn it Jack why didn’t you tell me? You know I’d love to meet him! Anyway it was all over the news and everything. Sadly there is one person dead but I know it’s not Rose. I have no idea who it was.

Anyway back to what I was talking about before I got seven forms of excited. All of a sudden I saw this thing move out of the corner of my eye. It was one of those creepy as hell looking dummies. I thought it was a robot at first but then it kept moving. I knew from my time at Torchwood, with Jack and just having my gut instinct something wasn’t right. For starters dummies don’t move but there was just an eerie feeling in the air. I watched them move around kinda like the robot dance back in the 80s and then they started shooting people. I tried to help as many as I could get to safety but someone was literally shot right in front of my face. He was a middle aged man and had a son and a wife with him. I tried to help him but he was already dead. Once his wife and child were to safety I called Jack and told him what was going on. He told me it was ok things would settle down. He said this has to happen for everything else to fall into place. Apparently this is one of those fixed points in time. Anyway it was breaking my heart seeing all of these people getting hurt. I walked out and saw this blond woman in a track suit kneeling down by a car. The dummy was going up to her and it was going to shoot her. I was looking for something to hit it with to knock it out of the way but then all of a sudden it stopped. As quick as it started it ended. The dummy fell to the ground as well as the other dummies and they were back to being plastic. I ran over to the lady. She was scared to death. I asked her if she was ok. I told her I was a doctor and checked her out as best I could. She was fine. She told me her name was Jackie. She seemed nice if not a bit shaken up.

When things like this happen or crisis at the hospital happen I automatically switch into Dr. Lilly mode. My personal feelings and fears are set to the side and I do what I can to help people. Once the problem is over then it’s my turn to have a meltdown. I went home and called Lucas, Jake and Jack. All three of them were fine. I curled up in bed and had my own meltdown. I closed my eyes and could see those stupid things shooting people. As much as I like The Doctor if this is what he brings I’m not sure I want to meet him after all.

On the flip side though, I am a little jealous of Rose. She gets to travel in time and space. She gets to see things no one else gets to see. I just hope she appreciates it. I know if I ever got a trip in the Tardis, that’s what Jack said The Doctor’s ship is called, I know I’d want to go see Elvis. He’s my personal hero. He’s helped me get through so many things when I was a kid. Jack said this is when the world starts changing. However believe it or not the news just reports that it was some kind of crazy glitch. Whatever the excuse the media reported it was too far fetched to be believed so I didn’t even listen. The actual real excuse would have been much more believable. I think they said it was something in the electrical unit of the mall. Yeah but that doesn’t explain why mannequins would have guns in their hands hidden away. Ugh sometimes I hate the media. It makes people more stupid and that’s not hard to do. Well anyway March 26, 2005 that’s the day the world officially changes just depending on who’s got enough brains to believe it. Until tomorrow love always Dr. Raindrop.

August 16, 2005

Today marks 28 years since Elvis has passed. So sad. I’ve gone to Graceland several times before cool place. If you’re ever in Memphis check it out. Succumb has EXPLODED all over with their song “Evil Gratitude.” If you hear it that’s my best friend Jake’s band.

School has been fine. I don’t think I told you I met the most OBNOXIOUS set of sisters. Cassandra O’Brien and Renee Pison. I call her fish face because Pison is close to Pisces which is fish. Childish I know but she never bothers to get my name right. It’s lil-LEE-ON-uh how hard is that? She calls me Anna. I’m like that’s not my name. I wouldn’t answer to Ona either but anyway I digress.

These two are so obnoxious just breathing the same air as them feels dirty. So to say they are full of themselves would be kind. Renee actually, get this, thinks she’s a descendant of Madame De Pompadour. She honestly thinks that Madame Du Pompadour had a kid with King Louis and somewhere along the line she comes about. Apparently homegirl has never taken a history lesson as Madame’s children both died long before they were old enough to give birth/father kids. I even looked it up just to make sure I wasn’t wrong. I should call her on it but nah that’s petty. Let her make her own self out to look like a fool.

They come from ‘daddy’s money’ so they act like they are special. Cassandra gets her ass kissed because of the donations she’s ‘made.’ Honestly John the only person that even knows about this is Elizabeth, Jake’s mom. She doesn’t know why it’s called Raindrop but I set up a foundation. It’s called The Raindrop Foundation. I figured all of the hell Matthew put me through when I was young should go to something worthwhile now that he’s pushing up weeds. At first I didn’t want the money but after 38,400 pages of therapy I thought you might agree. That’s 192 five subject notebooks. Sixteen years I’ve been telling you what has been going on in my life. I’m not sure how much more is left to tell. Lord knows I’m running out of closet space.

Anyway The Raindrop Foundation goes to fund the sciences and art. The Copper Institute where I work part time gets a chunk of the funding. They’ve built up a state of the art observatory. People from all around come and view it. I’m so proud of it. I was one of the designers of it. I usually go out there when I can’t sleep and it is a clear night out. We’ve hosted functions and parties there. Prince William has made an appearance there himself. That was pretty cool actually I will say. Anyway I sound like I’m jealous of those two I’m not. Its just the way they flaunt things around makes me sick. Oh well maybe I am a little jealous. Everyone falls at Renee’s feet and Cassandra just snaps her fingers and the world is her oyster. I think that’s why they don’t like me. I’m not one of their minions and if I ever become one of their minions may I fall over dead and all of my skin be donated to burn victims and my body donated to science. Well when I start sounding catty I know its time to go. Hope you have a great day.

Raindrop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to those that have given me kudos i appreciate it. i have it wrote up way far (like chapter 30 i think) so i'll update it when i get a chance (not that you guys are dying for an update or anything lol)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is ready to live in the 21st century

Chapter Ten 

James decided the Tardis was growing quite well. Now it was time to work on his future. As he landed on the rift he remembered the restaurant him and Margaret were having dinner at. He always moved forward but he couldn’t help but wonder whatever did happen to Blon. “Hey if it isn’t Dr. Blueberry” Mickey chided him with a chuckle and fist bumped him. “Are Rose and the other you with you?” Even after everything they’ve been through Rose and Mickey were still good friends. “You mean Dr. Chocolate?” James smiled knowing how much John hated that name. “No I’m on my own. Is Jack around?”  
“Well look who’s decided to grace us with his presence” the American pretty boy said with a bright smile. “How are you doing today Boo Berry?” a joke on an American cereal popular at Halloween. “Alright Jack Daniels” James grinned. They went back to Jacks’ office. “So what’s up?”

“I just…I … I just needed to see a friend that knew me.” James sighed. Through all of the trouble Jack had given him they grew real close during the year that never was. “Trouble in paradise?”

“How did you know what happened on Paradise?” Jack looked at him blankly.

“It’s an expression. Things working out with the three of you? If you ever want to make it a foursome” James just looked at The Captain. “Rose and I … Rose and I aren’t together.”

“WHAT?” came an echo of Jack, Mickey, and Gwen.

“Yeah she chose Count Chocula oh I like that one.” James giggled.

“I’m so sorry anything we can do to help?”

“How long has it been since we towed the Earth?”

“Two years”

“Wow” James shook his head. He was a two year old. “I’m going to come stay on Earth at least until my Tardis is ready. She’s growing nicely.”

“You’re going to stay on Earth?” Jack looked at him

“Yeah what’s wrong with that?” Jack started laughing hysterically.

“You never stay anywhere. You come you solve the problem you leave before lunch.”

“Yeah well it’s getting cramped on the Tardis.”

“Well what do you need?”

“A place to stay and a job. I want to teach.”

“You want to be a teacher” Jack said stunned.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing’s wrong with it I just don’t see you being a teacher. I thought you might want to be a scientist or an actual doctor. You could work here if you want as our special advisor.”

“I don’t know about Torchwood. I still have mixed feelings about it. No offense.” He sighed. “I taught at my granddaughter’s school.”

“Wait! Grand…you have a granddaughter?” Mickey chimed in.

“I thought about teaching astronomy for university kids.” He just like always blew past Mickey’s question. “Have you talked to Sarah Jane? How’s she doing?’

“She’s doing great I can call her and ask if you’d like. Granddaughter?”

“Yes please call Sarah.”

“So you have a granddaughter?” Mickey tried again. And again James just looked out into the hall his mind in a daze. Avoiding personal questions was his specialty. He took a deep breath and was ok with his decision. It was finally time. Mickey and Jack helped get his things out of the Tardis and sent his only home he’s had back to New Earth, five minutes after he left.

James wasn’t really ready to be on his own. Jack knew it, Sarah Jane knew it, Mickey knew it. He wasn’t good at being alone on the Tardis his natural home so being stuck on Earth alone that was, even though he’d never admit it, frightening. Sarah Jane offered to let him stay with her for a while. He was grateful for the offer and took her up on it.

He sat the last box down in his room in Ealing. Sarah Jane lived on 13 Bannerman Road. His Sarah Jane. “Did you ever imagine all those years ago that I’d be living with you instead of you living with me?” he laughed.

“I never would have imagined you as being human honestly”

“I’m only part human Sarah. I’m still Time Lord.”

“Yes I know” she smiled at him. He said that to anyone that mistook him for being solely human.

At dinner that night they told stories to Luke and his friends about Sarah Jane traveling with him in his third and fourth incarnations. “Remember Bessie?” he laughed with her. “She was my yellow roadster I got when I was banished to Earth in the 1970s. It was part of my deal with UNIT. I had her supped up and looking nice too. I wonder whatever happened to her? She’s not in the Tardis I know that. I was going to show” he caught himself. He was determined not to talk about Rose. He found the more he talked about her the more it hurt. He wanted to move on and see what he could do in the limited span he had.

After being there for a couple weeks the neighbors started getting curious. Sarah Jane had to come up with a story and being an investigative journalist she could spin one. James was her cousin from out of town. James laughed “way out of town” he whispered to Luke who chuckled along with him. At night when everyone went to bed he was having problems sleeping. He was still having images of Donna in his head saying binary, binary, binary multiple times. Then she’d gasp and look at him and yell at him saying he did this to her. He’d wake up in a cold sweat and not be able to sleep. He hasn’t had that nightmare in a while but now that he’s in her present time stream it has returned with a vengeance.

There were minor alien occurrences but nothing that would get the mass hysteria going again. He helped Sarah and the kids with them. He made friends with Luke and his friends Clyde and Rani. He would continue to play chess, and lose, to K9. He taught during the day and spend the evenings with Sarah and her gang. To give them a break, he went to his growing Tardis on Saturdays. He spent some time with Jack as well. Sundays he started calling and talking to Wilf. Wilf was moved to tears to find out James took the Earth name Noble as his last name. “It’s my way of honoring Donna and the sacrifice she made.” Many nights he’d go over and when Donna wasn’t home he’d sit out there and stargaze with Wilf. He loved the stargazing but what he really enjoyed was the company. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing ok. She just acts like there’s something missing and she doesn’t understand why. Can’t you fix her Doctor? She was so much better when she was with you.”

“Wilf I told you if she remembered me it could kill her. I’d rather die than to see that happen.” He said softly.

Wanting to not dwell on the guilt he was feeling, he started talking about the planet Manetuwak. “You know George Lucas isn’t too far off with the Ewoks. There is a planet called Manetuwak. They are these furry little creatures. They are cute as can be but once you make them mad they are evil. They look quite like an Ewok meets Gizmo from Gremlins” he rattled off while looking at the stars. “It’s over that way” he pointed with his left hand towards the right “about 50 million light years away. They actually named me their king because I saved them from the Corudeen. Now those were some evil creatures” he rattled on. Wilf knew just to listen. James was on a rant because he didn’t want to think about Donna and other things.

Wilf sat there and watched his friend who he considered a grandson. He might as well be because Donna was part of the reason he was sitting here with him. He tried to hide his fear but Wilf was a soldier. He saw The Doctor when the Sontarans were gassing up the sky. He knew fear when he saw it no matter how much it was masked. “Have you heard from your other self?”

“No” he said softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. He’ll probably only come back to Earth when he knows I’m gone.”

“That’s sad you two should be able to get along.”

“Wellll” he laughed “it’s kinda an awkward situation isn’t it” he smiled.

“Well what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to start teaching this fall at the university. I taught at my granddaughter’s school when I first came back here and I realized I loved it.”

“You have a granddaughter?” That was always the question asked whenever he said it. While he didn’t talk about it with most people Wilf wasn’t just most people. “Yeah” he said softly. “her name is Susan. She used to travel with me back in my first body.”

‘How many have you had?”

“I call myself ten too. The other me the full Time Lord me is the 10th regeneration.”

“How many are you allowed to have?”

“12” Wilf didn’t know what to say after that.

“What’s it like up there Doctor?” He was actually one of the only ones left that still called him Doctor.

“Oh Wilf it is amazing. There’s so many planets and things to see and do. My Tardis gets grown and I will take you anywhere and any when you want to go you just name it.”

“When will it be grown?”

“I think it’s got only a couple more years for it to finally mature thanks to Donna. She told me how to speed up the process. I actually started growing her in 1900.”

“Wow does she look like that police box?”

“No she’s actually got a fully functional chameleon circuit. Of all the things in the world she decides she wants to be a pear tree.” James shuddered.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I hate pears” he cringed. Wilf laughed till his belly hurt. That got James to laugh the first real good laugh he’s had in a long time. “Sounds like you have a feisty one on your hands”

“Oh you have no idea” James laughed.

A cold breeze blew through their hair. Wilf didn’t want to go in but it was getting a little bit cold for him. James knew it was time to leave. He promised Wilf he’d come by and see him again. Sundays were James day to spend with Wilf who he affectionately called granddad just like Donna.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're working through the outsiders version of events that happened in season one. now we're onto the slitheen

Chapter Eleven

April 17, 2006  
Wow Jack wasn’t kidding about the 21st century. You will never guess what happened. A huge spaceship literally took out Big Ben. I guess it was looking for a good time 😊 anyway the word from Downing Street came that there were these aliens that crashed into Big Ben and are wanting to take over the government and the world. They wanted the United Nations to release the nuclear codes and have a nuclear war. Anyway the stupid United Nations were going to release these nuclear codes! Jack told me what really happened. These big green aliens called Slitheen were masquerading as various parts of government. The spaceship that hit Big Ben was a diversion to get everyone riled up. The Doctor and Rose were there as well as some lady named Harriet Jones. To stop them from launching the codes The Doctor had Rose’s boyfriend Mickey break into the government and launch a missile. That’s what hit 10 Downing Street. Honestly I don’t know what’s scarier the missile or the fact someone can really hack into the government and launch one at whim. Harriet came on the TV telling everyone the world was safe now the aliens were gone. I like Harriet if I was a British citizen I’d vote for her. Of course the media is going to cover it up. They said it was some kind of hoax. How the hell can you have a hoax when literally the place where your government does it’s business and one of your most famous landmarks are destroyed? I honestly don’t know who’s stupider. The media or the idiots that believe the media. Oh the best part Jack told me the aliens are from a planet called Raxacora oh never mind. It’s one of those fun names to say but no way in the world would I ever be able to spell it. You’re not an alien are you John? Just kidding. Honestly you’re probably not even around anymore. If you are though I hope you are happy, safe and loved.  
Till next time,   
Raindrop from Raxacoricofallapatorius HA! I did it!

December 25, 2006  
Hey it’s me. It’s my 39th birthday. As I have spent every birthday I am alone. Most years I volunteer to work for whoever hasn’t had Christmas off in a long time but I just couldn’t do it this year. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older I don’t know but I just am not up to it. HOLY HELLS BELLS! OH MY GOD! John if you are still alive I pray to God you are ok. London is under attack! There is a spaceship literally right over The Thames! I looked just to make sure this wasn’t a movie. It’s on every channel. The people….oh my God the people…the people are actually going to a high place. It … it looks like they are being mind controlled. Oh John I so hope you’re ok. I have to go I’ll fill you in on what happens tomorrow.

December 26, 2006  
Ok now that the world has calmed down just a tad bit I can finish what happened yesterday. I got Jack on the phone and we made sure Lucas and Kelly (his new flavor of the month) Jake and Elizabeth were all ok. I so hope you are ok. Jack told me that the Sycorax are who the aliens were. They were wanting to take over the world using a+ blood type. Long story short Britain sent up a probe and it had a vial of blood on there. Everyone was going to the highest places they could find. As soon as the weather breaks I’m going over to Cardiff. Sadly though Harriet Jones got voted out of office. I’m not sure what the actual details are on that but apparently they didn’t have any confidence in her ability to run the country after this crisis. I’m sorry but who the hell actually would? Sometimes Britain really pisses me off. Jack said she want on tv and pleaded with The Doctor to come help. He doesn’t know if he actually showed up or not because this didn’t happen before he started travelling with him. Jack is in the dark just like the rest of us. I liked Harriet Jones though. She had spunk. I wish I knew her I’d buy her a cup of tea. I haven’t watched BBC News so I’m not sure how they’re spinning this one. The news stations here are calling it some kind of hallucinogen that people ate something and caused them to fall victim. John for new year’s I need a shovel and some boots because this world is so full of it anymore.

January 31, 2007

They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky they’re all together kooky the Addams family “snaps fingers.” Schmitty in my almost 40 years on Earth I’ve seen some weird things. I’ve known Jack for literally half of my life. I’ve known about Torchwood, worked for Torchwood, and have seen things that you can only IMAGINE but yet once again Jack Harkness has surprised me once again. I went to Wales because after Christmas I knew I was burnt out. My brain was on meltdown alert. Somehow being involved in something I can’t control grounds me. It makes my brain think of ways to try and get it controlled. I know I’m odd. Anyway I walked in and dropped my tea. On Jack’s desk is a receptacle it looks like something I’d use in a lab to test. What does Jack have in there? A HAND!!! A REAL LIFE HONEST TO GOD MAN’S HAND! At first I squealed like a little girl but I swear as I’m sitting here it waved at me. That was all it took. My crazy brain kicked in. I am drawn to Thing, (my nickname for it) like a moth to a flame. I am so fascinated by it Gwen, Iantho, Owen, Tosh and Jack are looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. Truth is maybe I have but Thing is my new pet. Jack tried to give me the back story but I wasn’t paying attention. Like a kid I stuck my hand up to the glass and gave it a high five. I swear its fingers moved. I spent hours with that thing. 

The novelty for thing has worn off on the others but I’m still sitting there talking to it. I’m literally talking to the hand. After a while my curiosity got the best of me. I had to know the story. Of all the hands in all of the universes guess who’s hand it is. Yep it’s The Doctor’s. Of course I freak out and want to know if he’s OK and if Jack’s seen him and if he’s around. I’m asking a million questions and Jack finally shuts me up. He told me about Harriet. What happened was on Christmas Day she was teleported up to the Sycorax’s spaceship. Long story short The Doctor’s Tardis was there and was teleported as well. The Doctor comes out and fights the leader of the Sycorax. He’s the reason everyone was able to come from up high. Apparently he was sick or something Jack didn’t give details but the Sycorax leader cut off his hand in a sword fight. Being that he’s a Time Lord he has an unique ability to grow his own hand back so he has both of his hands still. He beat the leader and saved the planet again. Then Harriet had Torchwood fire missiles and blow up the spaceship. The Doctor was upset over that and planted some information in Harriet’s assistants ear and that’s what lead to her being removed from office. He called it murder she called it defense honestly I can see both points but on this one I’m Team Harriet. If you are at the mercy of someone else defending you then you’ll never grow and always be indebted to the person saving you. You have to have a backbone and stand up for yourself. Sorry that’s just how I feel. 

So when I go into Torchwood the next time I’m going to take that hand and put it at my desk. Jack calls it his Doctor Detector. He didn’t get to see him but he has a few things he wants to work out with him. He has some questions he needs answered. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t know how he became immortal. He wants to change back. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to live forever and see the ones I love die around me. I hope Jack gets his wish. 

Well Schmitty I’ve had fun but for right now I think the hand is going to be my new therapist. Nah you know better than that ya know in all the time I’ve known Jack I’ve never asked if he had a picture of The Doctor. I take that back I did and he said he didn’t. He said he wouldn’t let him take pictures. He described him. Ironically he sounded like you. I know it’s just a coincidence though. I wonder what he looks like now? Oh well maybe someday I’ll find out. I think I’m revising my fantasy trip in the Tardis. I think if I only got one trip I’d like to go back to our day. I’d like to see you again and just say two words. Thank you. 

Well I’m going to go now. I hope you have a great day! Ya know what? It’s been almost 20 years and no one knows about my nickname Raindrop. I’ve been tempted to tell people but I kinda like just having a special secret to myself. Anyway I hope you have a great and fantastic day!  
Love always  
Raindrop


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james/ten too is adjusting to life on earth when he meets someone he never in million years thought he'd see

**Chapter Twelve**

James has been staying with Sarah Jane throughout the summer. It was now the beginning of fall and it was time he started his new job. He set up his office a week earlier with all of the planets and stars in the Milky Way galaxy. “Ancient Romans called this galaxy Via Lactea which means the road of milk” he said to himself. He couldn’t wait to start teaching because then he could actually share his knowledge with someone instead of talking to himself and giving himself an earache.

On James’ second day setting up his office he met his boss George Wright. He was an elderly gentleman with a kind smile. He reminded James of Wilf who actually took him to a football match last weekend. George was a typical British man. He loved his tea. Earl Grey was George’s choice while James preferred English Breakfast. Every day for the past week James would come in and have morning tea with George. Mrs. Wright would always make something special for George for his morning tea. Once she found out that he had someone drinking it with him again she made extra. James was really excited because Wednesdays are banana nut muffin day. “You remind me of Lilly” George laughed. As he watched James  tear into another banana nut muffin. “Who’s Lilly?”

“She’s a professor here. She teaches during the summer months. She lives in America and comes over here for a few months. She loves bananas.”

“Sounds like my kinda girl” James smiled not thinking anything particular. “Bananas are good. Good source of potassium” _always take a banana to a party Rose_ he remembered telling her that with the clockwork droids. What James didn’t know was George thought so too. The wheels in his head started spinning. “You’d like her. I hope you get to meet her someday. She teaches astrophysics. Very, very beautiful girl.” James picked up what George was saying. He just smiled at him and changed the subject to current events.

James was eating a biscuit when she walked in. He nearly choked. The face it was the same as he remembered. Everything was the same but it’s impossible extremely, extremely impossible. “Hello daaahhliiiiinggg” she gushed as she sashed through the room. “George aren’t you going to introduce me to your new student.”

“He’s not a student he’s a professor. James this is Cassandra O’Brien.” At that James did have to excuse himself. The biscuit he was eating did get lodged in his throat from the shock. He was able to wash it down with the rest of his tea but the shock was there. _Did I fall asleep and wake up five billion years later?_

 

Cassandra was just like he remembered her. She was an elitist who looked down on everyone. She was even looking down at James. “How dreadful. You wear those horrible trainers with a suit and not a nice suit at that. Really George you couldn’t do better?”

“Cassandra that is enough!” George was getting mad. “I’m sorry James .”

“No it’s ok I’ve dealt with her before” then he caught himself  “I mean her type before. Due for another surgery Cassandra? Looks like you have a bit of a chin you might want to get taken care.” James did the quick math. It would have had to have been way more than 15 generations for her to be even close to a relative of the Cassandra he knew. “That’s Lady Cassandra to you.”

“That’s Sir Doctor of Tardis to you” James smiled a bright mischievous smile. George chuckled at James’ antics. “Lady Cassandra is one of our largest donors.”

“Really? She doesn’t look to big to me. Must have been the start of the surgeries then” James realized he said that out loud when he got a slap in the face. “I’ll have you know I can have you fired before you even teach your first lesson!”

“Yeah well have fun with that. Thanks for the tea George gotta dash” he turned around and left George’s office. “Oh Rose” he said out loud. Even though it had been a few months since he saw her he still wanted to tell her about his adventures in real life.

James started teaching and he loved it. The students loved it. Their scores went up higher than any professor ever had. Cassandra of course tried to use her power to get him fired but once they found out James was a ‘descendent’ of the real Mr. Copper he couldn’t be fired. It was in the bylines and in his contract. Not just that but the school was happy with the way the students were taking to learn about astronomy. What no one knew as the real Mr. Copper was an alien James had rescued from the space version of the Titanic. He had a credit card on him that he put in Earth currency. Mr. Copper not knowing how to calculate the difference in currency put the equivalent of 1 million pounds on the card. He told The Doctor, James, he’d make sure to make him proud. Sure enough he did. He started this school and it has grown into a world class university. When James was doing his nostalgia tour he looked up Mr. Copper. The old man was so excited to see him. James told him he’d like to teach at his school. Mr. Copper set it up in the bylines that James and any of his descendants always have a job there and anything they need regardless. So no matter what Cassandra tries to pull, James will always have a job teaching at The Copper Institute if he so chooses.

As the year went on James was getting restless. He forgot what it was like to be ‘stranded’ in one time and one place. By now it had been 40 years since he was stuck. At least at that time he still had The Tardis and eventually was able to get into her. Now he’s just waiting for her to let him in. She’s growing nicely and is even in his head now. He was starting to feel the pressure of staying too long. He loved Sarah Jane dearly and she loved him but it was time to move on they both knew it. So now he’s sleeping at an office in Torchwood. Jack told him that his friend uses it when she comes over and helps out but it would be a while before she’d be back.

 

            It’s been a stressful few weeks. Jack has literally taken on roll of real estate agent. He’s taken James all over London and surrounding areas trying to find a house. They were either too small, or the yard wasn’t big enough for the Tardis or too many walls. “No this has too much carpet.”

“You can actually tear carpet out Doctor.”

“I know that!” he snapped. Lately he’s been getting snappy with everyone. When he’d go into a house he would just know if it was the right one. The Tardis would give him messages saying no to every house. “James that is literally the last house in Britain for sale or for rent. I’m sorry the Tardis is mad and won’t let you in but there are no other places left. You could build your own house.”

“I’ll know it when I see it. She’ll let me know where”

“James you know nothing is going to replace the Tardis.”

“I’m NOT TRYING TO REPLACE THE TARDIS!” James snapped at him. He was even surprised at the venom he had. Jack had enough. “You know what you need? You need to get laid! Go find a man, woman, tree I don’t care. Here’s 100 lbs it should do the trick.” James picked up the money and threw it at him. “I’m a Time Lord Harkness! We don’t need to get laid as you so bluntly put it! That’s for primitive apes like humans.”

“Have you forgotten who you are now?” Jack yelled back.

“How can I forget Jack! I feel it with every bloody beat in my chest! Do you know what it’s like to go from having two hearts in your chest to having one? No you don’t! Do you know what it’s like to be changed from something you have been all of your life to something new with no way of getting back? No you don’t! Do you know what it’s like to fall in love with the girl of your dreams just to have your other self take her away? Do you know what it’s like to HAVE a copy of yourself? Do you know what it’s like to have that copy of yourself always remind you that you are less than you were before? No you don’t!” James didn’t mean to let all of that out. He had been holding it in and the last person he wanted to take it out on was Jack. He was his best friend now after all. For his part Jack got what he wanted. He knew James was holding things in. That might work for a Time Lord but for a human after a while it gets to be too much. “I’m sorry Doctor I know this can’t be easy on you.”

“Nine centuries Jack I was a Time Lord. Now my own ship doesn’t recognize me.” He said softly. He finally let it out. The Tardis was growing nicely. She was by all accounts ready to take off but she refused to let him in. She kept telling him it wasn’t the time. However he just wanted to sit in her and feel like he was home again, like he was whole again. He was fighting as hard as he could. Jack nor anyone was going to see him cry. Jack just placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You know you remind me of one of my dearest friends. Her name is Liliana. She’s one of these that tries so hard and holds everything in. She’s always brave no matter what.”

“She sounds like Rose” James said softly.

“She’s better than Rose” Jack admitted confidently.

“No one is better than Rose” James argued.

“That’s because you haven’t met Princess Peach. That’s one of her nicknames we’ve given her. The point is when she thinks no one is around she falls apart. She thinks no one hears her crying at night when things get tough but I do. I’ve seen her take on enormous obstacles. She’s got a great heart and would do anything for anyone. Yet she won’t let anyone see her cry. She feels she has to be strong for everyone. If she thinks you’re in trouble she will fight to the death to make you better. I’m going to tell you what I tell her. You can’t lose me. You literally can’t lose me” he laughed. James smiled. “Part of being human James is knowing when to let go. The both of you have that problem. You may have saved the world multiple, multiple times but sometimes you have to save yourself. Let her go James. Take a fresh breath. You don’t have to be in his shadow or your shadow any longer. Be your own man.”

“Truth is Jack” he said softly not wanting to admit it to anyone especially himself. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be over Rose.”

“How long since you’ve seen her?” James blew out his cheeks. He wasn’t really sure anymore.

“I’d say bout the equivalent of six Earth months.”

“It takes time to heal James. You have been through a lot. You have been through things no one could ever even imagine.”

“I just… I … I know why now she did it but have you ever been jealous of yourself? It’s a very weird feeling. But what hurts the most is I don’t think she even sees me as The Doctor anymore. I don’t think anyone truly does.” He dropped his head. His Donna insecurities were getting to him.

“I see you as The Doctor. Mickey, Martha, Sarah Jane we all do.”

“Yeah but if the world was in a major crisis you’d still want him” he sulked.

“Believe me when things get bad we’re glad you’re here to help. We all love you and yeah you may be part of us now but you’re still The Doctor.”

“Yeah maybe” he huffed.

“Listen Donna!” Jack growled. He only called James that when he could tell his inner Donna was coming out. “You leave James alone. He’s just as great as the full Time Lord if not no you know what he’s better than him. Because now he knows what it’s like to be a stupid ape.” Jack smiled at him. It worked. He got James to grin. “Yeah they’re fantastic” he smiled and made Jack laugh.

 

Jack and James went back to Torchwood. There was a minor invasion of the Lumanai that they settled rather quickly. However something Jack said did ring with James. He could build him a house. As he sat in the office that doubled as his sleeping area he was talking to himself. “Why would I build myself a house when I have the Tardis?”

“Well how are you going to explain the Tardis to any lady friends or guy friends if they want to come over?” Jack asked.

“That’s true” he sighed. “Honestly it might be the best thing I can do. I can build me a house. There’s actually a piece of land not too far from the school. When I walk by it I can feel the Tardis telling me something but I’m not sure what exactly. Maybe she wants to be put there and have a house built there.”

“Very well possible” Jack said as he chewed on a slice of pepperoni pizza. He started telling James about some of his past dates he’s had. It was ringing on James head to tell him. “Truth is Jack I have been silently seeing someone. Hey if I build a house do you know of any contractors that can build it?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa and when were you going to tell me this Casanova?”

“Ya know speaking of Casanova you know who taught him everything?” James put on a big smile. “No the diversion istn going to work Romeo.”

“Martha tell you Shakespeare hit on her?”

“Yeah he can get away with it in Freedonia now. Spill it!”

“Oh alright” James sighed. “Her name is Renee. Did I ever tell you I met Reinette Poisson?”

“That’s a different story”

“Had to sing a song from _My Fair Lady_ to save Rose and Mickey.” He laughed

“DOCTOR!” Jack snapped. If he didn’t he’d be another millennia trying to et the answer out.

“Well Renee claims she’s a distant relative to Reinette. Having met the Reinette I’d say she’s right. She’s got the blond hair and blue eyes.” He sighed and looked down at his hands. “To be honest I don’t kwon why I put up with her. She’s the most vapid, self-centered person I’ve ever met.”

“So are you ‘with’ her?” James  looked down again. He’d asked himself this a few dozen times over the two months since they started dating. “What else am I going to do?” James looked at him.

“You could find someone actually worth your time”

“Where?”

“The internet for starters”

“Oh no I’m not meeting someone who claims to be one thing then they’re not”

“Bar scene”

“My ninth self actually met someone in a bar once. She was sweet as could be. Had a smile that would light up the world” he smiled.

“See! Look her up”

“This was years ago. It was only one night.”

“Well look at you and here I thought old big ears didn’t do that kind of thing.”

“He didn’t. The Tards landed there and I saw she was in trouble. We actually hung out till dawn. It was right after the Time War. I had just regenerated. I didn’t even know what I looked like yet. I walked in and she was reading an astrophysics book. I started talking to her about Orion and whatever trouble she was in just melted away. We went to this diner and ate banana nut muffins and milk till the sun came up.” He smiled at the memory.

“What happened?”

“I walked her back to her hotel. I noticed the scars on her wrists. I noticed the bottle of pills in her pocket. I stayed till she fell asleep then found an emergency number. I called her uncle and took her to him.”

“Did you ever find out what happened to her?”

“Yeah I went to two of her college graduations. She’s a successful doctor. I’m very proud of her.”

“Look her up James ”

“Nah she wouldn’t remember me. Besides that was him. How am I going to explain this?” he pointed to his face.

“Do you think you’ll ever tell anyone?’

“I don’t know” he sighed “I don’t know.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we see how lilly has met jack, her version of doomsday,

**Chapter Thirteen**

May 1, 2007

I have been in Wales for a while. It has helped quite a bit. While Lucas has his job as Succumb’s manager, I’ve been helping Jack at Torchwood. I don’t think I ever told you about how I met Jack. He was friends with Lucas when Lucas went to school. On July 4th Lucas came home and brought a friend. If you’ve ever met Jack he’s definitely one of a kind. He’s one of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. He flirts with anyone! I have literally seen him flirt with a nun before. Talk about seeing someone blush it was precious. The lady was older but still when Jack was talking to her she looked like a young teenage school girl. That’s just Jack. His name alone is a pickup line. “Captain Jack Harkness” he says and that’s all she wrote. Lucas, Jake and I have to tell him to stop it because if he doesn’t he’ll just go up to anyone and do it. It’s hilarious at times. Anyway I hit it off with Jack and we’ve been best friends ever since.

 

June 12, 2007

I’m scared Schmitty like properly scared. I’ve not mentioned it but here recently there’s been these beings people are calling them ghosts. Anyway at certain times of the day they come out of nowhere and last for a few minutes. They walk around through the crowds and things. It’s been going on for a few weeks. At first people were scared but then they started accepting them. It seems like people believe that these are their dearly beloved coming back to see them. While I agree they do look humanish as far as their outline something in them just gives me the weebie jeebies. Jack’s had a weird feeling about them as well. Even Thing has been acting weird as well. It’s like it knows something is going to happen. It shook the jar around and I had to catch it before it fell off my desk. When I’m around I confiscate it much to Jack’s chagrin. Jack did some kind of test on me and told me I’m highly empathic. I told him that’s not possible I can’t read people’s minds. He laughed and told me it’s where I’m in tune with my feelings and the things that are going around. I have a sixth sense if you will that’s why I get these vibes when something bad is going to happen. Oh my God Schmitty! One just walked through me. If I believed they were the dearly departed I’d say it was Matthew. It was so evil. I’m shaking right now it was so evil….ok I’m back I just barely made it to the bathroom without throwing up. That was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me and you know I’ve bene in some scary situations! I told Jack and he immediately had me x-rayed and looked over. So far we’ve been trying to avoid it. He’s madder than a wet hornet though. He found out that Torchwood One, the main one in London, had been behind these ‘ghosts’. Yvonne Hartman oh man if you have ever met a more narcissistic woman I’d like to see her. She’s in charge of it. Her and Jack don’t get along at all and that’s saying something. Jack gets along with anyone. Yvonne said she doesn’t know what they are but she’s harnessing it so they can use it for the good of the British Empire. Yeah that’s how dumb she is. The British don’t have an empire any longer. Jack’s been trying to get ahold of The Doctor but so far no such luck. I just hope these ghosts disappear as quickly as they appeared and no one gets hurt. As always I hope you’re safe, happy, and loved.

Raindrop

 

June 30, 2007

Ya know what irony is? Celebrating the birth of your independence from the country you got it from while in that country! Ha! Ok so technically its Wales but that doesn’t matter. We’ve bought a grill and Wednesday Jack and I are going to celebrate our friendship and America’s 231st birthday. Finally something almost as old as Jack! Happy birthday America! Happy frienderversary Jack! Absolutely can’t imagine my life without you.

 

July 4, 2007

Oh Schmitty I’m so heartbroken. Not at all because of our BBQ but because there’s so much carnage. I just I’m so overwhelmed at the sadness. Jack had to doctor up some papers so that it was ok for me to work in a hospital over here. I had no desire to go back home and work. I wanted to be near a friend that understood what was going on.

Things have just been horrible. Those ghosts I told you about? They turned out to be these things Jack called the Cybermen. Jack told me he heard vaguely about them in the 51st century and thought that doomsday, which is what he calls what happened, was just a myth or a legend. He had no idea it was actually real. He’s taking this extremely hard as well.

These ghosts, the Cybermen, killed so many people. Some of these were people I even knew for example as bad as she was Yvonne Hartman was one of them. The Cybermen aren’t the only ones involved. There were these things that look like robots R2D2 looking things. Jack said they were Daleks. He said that was what he was facing when he was killed the first time before he became immortal. He said The Doctor, Rose, and himself were fighting these things in the year 200,100 when he woke up and they were all turned to dust. He has no idea what actually happened just that now he can’t die. That’s one of the reasons he wants to see The Doctor. He wants to be changed back and find out what happened and why he was left there.

I went to some of the funerals for the people that were killed. It was so heartbreaking. Torchwood One was destroyed. I don’t know what they are going to do with the building now. Jack is having a really hard time because he got a list of the dead. There were three people on there that he knew quite well. Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler, and Rose Tyler. The Doctor’s girlfriend is dead. I’ve known Jack for 20 years. I’ve never seen him this heartbroken. I didn’t even know them but I’m heartbroken for Jack and The Doctor.

I haven’t watched the news so I’m not sure what kind of chaotic nonsense they’re pulling to explain this but I’m sure it’s something else. I just hope they’re all gone. I don’t know what happened to have them disappear so quickly but I’m so glad they did but I’m so sad that it was at such a cost. I just hope John that wherever you are you are safe happy and loved. I also hope you didn’t lose anyone.

Love always

Liliana

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get to see what james' life is like with renee

**Chapter Fourteen**

            James has been dragged from one nerve racking hair pulling tuxedo of doom event to another. He tried getting out of them but each time Renee always made him feel guilty about not going. When he looked at her he saw Reinette and felt guilty because he was too late to take her on the one trip she waited all of her life for. In a sense he felt like he was making it up to her.

            He has been dating Renee for about 6 months. He doesn’t know if he’d really call it dating but more like he was her arm candy. Renee was a French history professor. James wasn’t surprised by that but was surprised that Cassandra was Renee’s younger sister. There was a third sister, Sophia. All three girls had blond hair and blue eyes. They were pretty and all three knew it and used it to manipulate people. Truth was James was miserable yet he didn’t know how to get out of the situation he was in. There weren’t any redeeming qualities in any of the three.

            The three women were socialites and had to be seen at the best parties. That meant that James got dragged around to all of these things. Renee didn’t like that he wore his trainers with his tuxedo and that quickly got squelched. She was trying to change him into her own little barbie doll. At first he didn’t mind because he liked being noticed and liked the attention but now he was feeling like he was someone he wasn’t. It was almost like he had gone through a regeneration.

            James has met so many self-absorbed people he longed for the Asorbaloff to come about. He reminded himself that even though they were vapid, vile human beings they were still that humans. So he swallowed his pride and fixed his hair just right as to not get her started again. Truthfully he knew he was using Renee to fight the loneliness just like she was using him to have as arm candy. Her father even suggested the concept of marriage. James thought he lost his heart on that one. There was no way in the world he was going to marry Renee. He honestly didn’t know how much longer he could take even being seen with her. “Oh dawhling you’re wearing your hair wrong again! We’ve talked about this! This is an important function to be seen and you can’t go looking like you just stuck your hand in a light socket! What will people say? What will the Williams’ think? Come on lets fix your hair. Oh and the sideburns really Jimmy. Are you ever going to shave those nasty things off?” of all the things that Renee said and did calling him Jimmy made him the most mad. They’ve had arguments over it but she still insists on calling him Jimmy .

God he couldn’t wait till the Tardis was ready. He was going to take off from this place and not look back. He asked the Tardis why she wasn’t ready. She told him it would be just a little while longer. She knew what his future held. If he just trusted her and held on he’d be fine. James  sighed and laid his head against his pear tree when they had this discussion. He wondered what she was getting at. “Jimmy” the annoying fake shrill voice brought him out of his memory. “James my name is James ”

“Well anyway come over and lets meet the Luztes. They are a great couple. Their son is going to Stanford in the United States.” James smiled. He caught about half of that because he really didn’t care. He met with them and just like the rest they were as obnoxious as the rest. _What I wouldn’t give for a Dalek invasion right about now._

James was at the party for a release of a new album by someone he cared less about. The music was soulless and mindless. It was the same three chords over and over with just a different tone and tempo. If he heard one song he heard them all. He saw an opening to a balcony. “Relief” he said to himself. He managed to walk away and look up at the stars. Orion was out tonight. “Oh that big hunter you” James smiled. He remembered when he took a trip to ancient Greece. He met Homer and they discussed Orion. He’d give anything to take a trip now. He’d be more than happy to even endure a Jackie Tyler slap right now because it meant he was dealing with real people. “Jimmy ” an overly sweet phony voice called to him. He cringed. “Sophia I’ve told you a million times not to call me Jimmy. My names is James. Actually I even prefer Doctor but not Jimmy .”

“Oh Jimmy as long as you’re riding my sister’s coat tails I’ll call you whatever I want.” This brought out The Oncoming Storm. “I am a” he started to spill his secret “a doctor of science. I am not nor have I ever been riding your sister’s coat tail. Sopheeeeya” she didn’t like it when people called her that. “ My name is Sopheyea long I like in miles as in you would have to walk 500 to get home.”

“Yeah well as long as you insult me sunshine I’ll be sure to not remember that” he walked off and away from her. He was really about ready to start banging his head against the wall. _Would loneliness be better than this? It would almost have to be because this is torture._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and now we're seeing what lilly's life was like during season three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys are enjoying this. i got quite a bit of it wrote up and typed up. i'm doing a big update tonight because i needed something to take my mind off troubles and getting to live vicariously through lilly and james helps
> 
> i've had a rough few days so if you're the praying type send a few prayers up for me and my brother please. thanks and god bless :)

**Chapter Fifteen**

October 21, 2007

So many things have changed in 20 years. The bar went to a car sales to a baker, to a drug store now it’s a clothing shop. I actually saw a man in there looking for something. He was an odd looking man wearing a vest and hat but the vest had question marks all over it. He was a sweet man from what I could tell. Jovial and funny and kind to me. He was looking for his friend he called Ace. When he found her she reminded me of me. She was very tomboyish and badass. She was funny. I would have liked to have spent more time with her but she was looking for the professor who I found out was the man in the question marks. He tipped his hat to me and bid me adieu and left. It was so weird but I had the strangest feeling I met him before. I don’t know why. I get that around some people.

            Sadly Vicky’s Diner is completely gone now. There’s a church there now. I actually went in there and prayed that you are ok. Just a FYI this is notebook 246. That’s 43,200 pages. I’m afraid to see how many trees that is. Thank you Schmitty for being there for me in only the weirdest sense. I hope you are happy safe and loved. As always Raindrop

 

December 25, 2007

Saw something funny to day. This man in a pinstripe brown suit was arguing with I assume his fiancé. She was running around in a wedding dress screaming something about pockets. She does have a point. I guess brides have all of that covered but what if you were like she was stuck. She had no phone and her car or something broke down before she could get to the church. She asked me for a tenner said she’d pay me back. I just smiled and told her not to worry about it. She yelled at the pinstripes man. He was actually very handsome from what I could see. If that is her fiancé then boy good luck with that. Her screaming and harping would be enough to turn most men off. Well hope you have a merry Christmas Schmitty. There’s a giant star in the sky but based on past experiences something tells me this isn’t a normal star.  Hope you have a great day! and oh my God I turned 40 today. I can’t believe that me 40? Time does fly

May Santa bring you everything

Liliana

 

March 18, 2007

I’ve been here a little over a year. I think though I’m ready for a change. I’m going to back to London permanently. There’s an opening At Royal Hope for an emergency doctor. While it’s way below my qualifications I’m not ready to do surgery again. Losing Mrs. Chesterton was just too hard for me. There was nothing I could do but seeing her body, seeing how were the same age it rattled me. I will go back because I’m no quitter but there’s something about facing your own mortality that stirs things up a bit. As always hope you’re fine. Love always Raindrop

 

March 31, 2007

Oh London you never disappoint. I went to Royal Hope today and it disappeared. The building and everything was just gone! Literally it vanished like it was never there. A dark spot where it normally stood was just there. The crowd of people were shocked. No one knew what happened. The news of course said it was some kind of hallucination brought on by a chemical in the water. I seriously think they have some kind of stupid magic 8 ball that they shake to come up with these crazy theories. However a friend of mine a medical student named Martha she told me at her brother’s party tonight that they went to the moon. Her dad’s girlfriend, who’s about as bright as a burnt out light, of course said she was stupid and it was a hoax. That started a large fight and well I got out of dodge before I could hear the rest. I can’t take fighting. It upsets me. I know Martha. She’s a down to Earth girl. She wouldn’t lie about something like this. She said there were these space rhinos that were looking for this lady that was sucking the blood out of people to live. Once she described her I knew who the lady was. I admitted her into the hospital yesterday. She had a salt deficiency. So yeah I believe Martha. I’d believe her just about anyone. She’s a great student. We bonded in the cafeteria. I helped her with her school work. We’d have study sessions at her apartment. It kept me up to date on the latest things and helped her learn the parts of the body. She was so excited she got to go to the moon. Imagine being able to go to the moon!!! A girl can only dream.  As always John  I hope you are safe, happy and loved

Rd

 

May 6, 2007

Sometimes I hate being a doctor. Last night I had tickets to go see this professor claim he can reverse the aging process. I wanted to go just to see how many so called smart people fell for his trick. Martha’s sister Tish got me the tickets. She’s got a job working there and is doing really well for herself. Instead I get called in because of  a massive pileup. Oh well I’m sure it was a joke anyway. Thankfully no one died on my end. To be honest I don’t know if I’d want to be younger. I see Jack and look at what he’s had to live through. I also know he’ll have to live longer and lose people he loves like me, Lucas, Jacob, Iantho, Gwen, Tosh all of us. No you can keep immortality Lazarus. I’ll just keep dying my hair.

June 17, 2008

My friend is gone. I’m crushed. I know it’s stupid like really stupid but I miss that hand. Jack promised me he’d take me with him when if The Doctor ever showed up. Apparently while I was out getting lunch the jar started acting even wilder than before. Gwen said Jack took it and ran like a bat out of hell with it. Jack’s the only one that knows or has met The Doctor. I was so hoping to get the chance. Thing and I kinda bonded. I told him all my corny jokes and hand puns. I’d always give it a high five. It’s not just Thing though it’s Jack’s gone as well. Finally maybe he can get the closure and answers he finally needs. I know as great as I think The Doctor is, Jack still harbored some resentment about being left behind and immortal. I hope he comes back soon. Things around here aren’t the same. Schmitty have you ever just had a bad feeling about someone? Everyone thinks I’m paranoid but this Harold Saxon person is just evil. I’ve looked into the eyes of evil Matthew Patrick was the most evil being to grace the planet. Raping his own daughter, prostituting her out everything I told you before but Harold Saxon for all his ‘charm’ and ‘magnetism’ he is evil. Saying his name makes my skin crawl yet to hear everyone tell it, he’s going to be the savior of the world. Schmitty I think the antichrist is upon us.

 

Jun 30, 2008/9?

How come no one remembers? The calendar says its 2008 but it’s really 2009. I know because I’ve seen my entries in here. Jun 7, 2008 – the world is getting worse. Those Toclofane are wiping out the universe. Where are Jack and his precious Doctor? July 20, 2008 come home Jack I’m worried about you. August 23—Jake and Lucas are ok thank God but the rest of the world. It goes on for 12 months!  Yet I looked and there’s no sign anywhere of anything happening. I know it happened John I know it! I remember like it was yesterday! I KNOW IT HAPPENED!!!! Maybe when or if Jack comes back he can answer some questions.

 

October 21, 2008

Well its 21 years now. Sadly I assume you have passed. I just hope things in your life are great. It’s taken this long for me to actually get Jack to open up. He said I was right. There is literally a year we lived that very few can remember. He called it the year that never was. He told me he’s made peace with his immortality and has made peace with the Time Lord. He wouldn’t go into details about the torment and torture he went through however I have heard him scream in the middle of the night from the terrors. My best friend has changed. He’s still giving the outward Jack but those of us that truly know him, know the difference. He told me that Martha was on The Valiant. The aircraft carrier at the heart of the problem as was her family. They were all tortured for the master’s-, Harold Saxon’s real name, glee. He said the reason no one remembers is because The Doctor reversed what happened. The people that died were alive again except for the president. However there’s some good news to come out. While Thing is back with his rightful owner, The Doctor, does have both hands. Jack explained it as regeneration. This doctor didn’t look like the one he knew. On even better news Jackie, Mickey and Rose are not dead! They are living safe and sound in a parallel universe. To say my mind is blown right now is putting it mildly. Parallel universe? Imagine a world with another Jack! That would be something I’d love to see. Well Schmitty, until tomorrow I hope you are safe, loved and happy.

As always  - L-

 

December 22, 2008

I met the most adorable man on my way to the grocery story. He asked me if was one of those folks going away because everyone’s scared of the aliens. “Nah’ I figured it’s my time to go it’s my time to go” I told him and smiled at him. He chuckled at me “that’s right sweetheart. I’m staying to for Queen and country!” and he saluted the Queen’s picture he had up on his newsstand. I smiled at him and said the same. It’s amazing how a five minute interaction can change your day. I was having a bad day until I met him. He put a smile on my face and made me feel like I had a grandpa for about five minutes. I never had a grandfather before. If that’s what it’s like I’m so sorry I missed out on that. I hope he’s right though and no aliens come. Not that I’ll be doing anything for Christmas but I really hope he doesn’t get hurt if they do show up. He was so pleasant and jovial. I don’t normally buy newspapers but I might make it a point to go down there each day and get a newspaper off of him. Hope you have a very merry Christmas

Love always

Rd


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what i did on my summer vacation...by dr. james noble

**Chapter Sixteen**

James was looking forward to the end of the semester. While he was still technically ‘dating’ Renee, he wasn’t being dragged every weekend to some party. He told her he was going to travel over the summer. She scoffed “on your salary? Dahling you’ll be lucky to make it to your driveway. Come with me we’re taking the family yacht out. It will be fun.” _Being shot by a Dalek would be more fun. I should know I’ve been shot twice!_ James sighed he had the funds to go but he knew if he told Renee she’d insist on going and then it would be the Renee show like it always is anytime they do something he wants to do which so far has amounted to two times. He wasn’t in the mood for that.

            Ever since he met George and they started having their morning tea together James has made it a point to have tea with George. Like Wilf he always gave the best advice. In fact he reminded him of Wilf a lot. One day while he was in George’s office he was mindlessly spinning the globe while drinking his tea. “You know if you randomly stop it and put your finger on a spot that’s where you should go.”

“Yeah I know” he sighed. He was getting the itch to move. Actually for the past two months his hand, THE HAND, has been twitching like crazy. It was driving him insane. It felt like he wanted to hold something like he needed to find the hand that fits in it. _That hand is gone. She’s with the other me_ he kept thinking to himself. It never did ease the twitching up though. Holding Renee’s hand was like holding a cold fish. In fact that made the twitching worse because he really wanted to let go of it. He checked it out at Torchwood everything was fine. It was just a freak of nature he’d have to get used to. He never thought to ask Jack what he did with the hand while he had it at Torchwood. He just figured it was kept in the jar and put on his desk.

            When it got close to the semester ending James did as George suggested. He plopped his finger down it landed in Scotland. “Of course it would” he sighed “the only place that would have been worse would have been Norway.” Deciding he needed to get a break he packed up his bags and after school was over he took train to Scotland. He never realized just how long normal travel was. He passed by the Torchwood estate. While he was glad to save the world from the evil werewolf, he couldn’t help but be angry because this is what started everything. Because of his showboating he forgot to keep up his Scottish accent so while Victoria was grateful, she didn’t trust him. Because of his actions Torchwood was founded which led to Canary Wharf which lead to a blank white wall of heartache which led to him. Even though it had been a couple years almost since he saw her he still missed his Rose and being in Scotland just made it that much worse.

            James walked around the town for a while to get some fresh air. He made his way to a local bookstore. “Today a reading by famed novelist Raven Reynolds reading from her latest book ‘The Demon Hunters’.” _Hmm why not?_ He walked in and saw a huge crowd gathered around. Most of the audience were female between 15 and 35. There were several men there as well. Raven as it turned out was a woman who moved from the Midwestern United States to Scotland with her husband captain Nathan Reynolds and their 10 year old daughter Serenity. She dreamed of being a writer since she was little. The Q&A continued with James finding out she likes pigs and crocheting. She writes sci-fi books as a way of dealing with life. “Writing is an escape. When I write I get to be Jenna or Dani for those hours. I get to imagine I’m traveling across the world fighting things no one knows about with my sister listening to some kick ass music. That’s what I love about writing.” James was interested. Apparently Raven had a cult following after writing a book called “Captain, My Captain.” A sci-fi version of her husband Nathan Reynold’s life. Her big claim to fame came with her series about two sisters who hunt demons. The series, _The Hunters_ , was on it’s 10th book with no end in sight. “Good for her” James smiled to himself as he sat down and listened to Raven read about the adventures of Jenna and Dani Ruger as they said goodbye to their father in order to save the world. 

            James was so caught up in the story he didn’t realize he was shedding Donna tears. “Damn you Donna!’ he muttered to himself. He didn’t realize that he wasn’t the only one shedding manly tears. _This is definitely something Rose and Donna would have loved to have read._ “Spaceman you should do this” Donna’s shrill voice was encouraging him. James never thought he could be a writer. _I’d be a great writer_ he smiled to himself. He laughed as he remembered meeting Charles Dickens, teaching Michael Jackson to moon walk and can’t forget he was the catalyst behind Elvis getting that guitar. _Sadly his death is a fixed point in time_ he looked down sadden by what happened to the 11 year old boy he first met in Tupelo, Mississippi.

            James walked around the bookstore just looking around. Before he knew it though he had every one of the books in the series in his hand. He smiled as he went to the mystery section and found his own copy of _Death In The Clouds_ by Agatha Christie.

            James met with Raven and her husband. He looked so familiar. James couldn’t picture him. He looked like someone on some show he had to endure while he was at Jackie’s it wasn’t _EastEnders_ it was an American soap opera. He also looked like that guy that paled on a show Rose liked about a crime novelist. Maybe it was because he was an American and a lot of Americans look alike.

            As he returned from the restroom, Jack’s words rang in his ears about another American. “Look her up.” It had been nagging at him but he’s been ignoring it. He didn’t want to bother her. He figured she’d have kids and a husband now and he didn’t want to explain everything to her. “Oi Spaceman what’s the problem in checking her out?” Donna’s shrill voice reminded him. Truth was he liked Angel Rayne. She was good for him in his last body even though they only met the one time. That’s why he decided to go back for Rose. He met Angel and then when he met Rose she reminded him of her. She was feisty, spirited and fun. He thought about going to see Angel again and he did. He went to her college graduation both of them. He found out her real name was Liliana Patrick. She graduated top of her class. He was really proud of her. He didn’t want to disrupt her life. He knew she was going to be important to him in the future and he didn’t want to diminish the timelines. That’s when a nagging thought came back to him to go back to give Rose a second chance. He did and the rest was history. Now here he is so many years later. Was it actually time he met up with her again?  He put that thought to the back of his mind. He wasn’t ready to deal with anyone else right now.

            James learned that the Reynolds were really cool people. He had a nice dinner with them. They talked about all of the strange things that have happened recently with the Earth and spaceships and things. He casually left out the fact he was at the center of most of them and helped saved the world millions of times. However when he left, he knew he had made some great friends and he’d keep in touch with them. It was nice to have someone know him as James and not as ‘The Doctor’ even though he still felt like that was his true name.

            With the next spin of the globe James landed in Tokyo Japan. Then he visited Cairo. He had fond memories of both places and remember meeting Cleopatra. She fancied him. He enjoyed the time with the locals and just like every place he went he made friends. When it came time for his trip to America, he really wanted to go to see if maybe he might stumble into Angel Rayne. He did invite Raven, Nathan, Sarah Jane, Jack, and Luke with him. He spoke to Renee on occasion but she was mad because he forgot her birthday. Truthfully he didn’t ‘forget’ he just didn’t care. The six of them landed in New York. “I’m sorry that Serenity couldn’t come.”

“It’s ok she wanted to spend time with her grandma. She doesn’t get to see her much.” Nathan told him. The first place they went to was the September 11th memorial site. Even though he wasn’t an American, heck he wasn’t even really from Earth, this site was a very humbling experience. It brought back memories of telling Rose he couldn’t do anything about it. September 11th was affixed point in history as well as the subsequent attacks that followed.

            When they arrived it was July 4th weekend. “Oh yes! Hamburgers, hot dogs a party!” James was excited. Sarah Jane and Luke were the only ones to never experience a July 4th celebration. James was at the very first one. He’s the one that handed the pen to John Hancock. James made sure to stop in Chicago because he knew this was where Angel Rayne was last located per her Wikipedia page. _Raindrop I hope you are ok._ He smiled to himself. He was thinking about her more and more.

            After Raven and Nathan went to bed, Sarah Jane followed James outside to stare at the stars. “I know we’ve had our differences. I know we’ve had our ups and downs but I’m really proud of how well you’ve adjusted.” She smiled at him. He squeezed her hand. “Thank you Sarah. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. Out of all of my friends you have been the biggest help.” He gave her a friendly embrace. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn’t ready. He squeezed her tighter as he could see her timeline wasn’t much longer. “My Sarah Jane” he said softly.

            James summer trip was winding down. Only had two more weeks before he would be going back to school. He exchanged numbers with the Reynolds and promised to come back to Scotland in November. “We may live in Scotland now but we are still American. We celebrate Thanksgiving.” James smiled as he remembered being at the first thanksgiving. After he left the Reynolds he went to the Culloden Battlefield. He had no idea what happened to his friend Jamie, the one he decided to name himself after, but he wanted to pay his respects more or less. “Jamie I hope you’d be proud of me. You were a great companion. I’m so sorry your memories of your time with me got wiped away but we had some great times. I hope you had a long and prosperous life.”

            James  returned to his office and was greeted with a firm slap across the face. “How dare you leave me all summer! You said you were going to travel. You didn’t say you were going with someone! Who is this tart? I mean she’s older than you and a bit of a middle aged hag compared to me but really Jimmy really?” she showed him a picture of him and Sarah Jane together. “I thought you’d have more style than that if nothing else more class. Didn’t I teach you anything? I had your tuxedo dry cleaned by the way. Put it on we’re going to Chez Vous Lounge. We’re already running late.” Renee grabbed his hand and tried to drag him out of his office. That set The Oncoming Storm out. “One you don’t slap me! Two how dare you talk about my friends like that! Were you spying on me? Four no wait three she’s one of my oldest and dearest friends”

‘That’s for sure on the old part” she smirked.

“Five my name is not Jimmy ! It’s James ! Six how dare you go rummaging through my house!  And number seven you go see Chef Herpes yourself because your days of bossing me are over!” he pushed her out the door and slammed it shut. “That was a long time coming Spaceman”

“Oi you shut up” James growled as he grabbed his things and headed home. He had to make sure the Tardis was just fine. A soft humming came through to him. He knew she was fine but also she sounded what was it excited? _What’s going on ole girl? Well new ole girl? You sound happy. Are you happy I’m home?_ The Tardis just hummed but it was something different. It took a few minutes but James figured out that what she’s been waiting on has finally almost caught up to him. He could feel the timelines. He was almost to a fixed point in his timeline. _Is something going to happen to me?_ She wouldn’t answer him. _Am I going to die?_ She gave a strong hum to which James interpreted as no. Then she flashed him an image of a heart. _What?_ He was confused. The Tardis just hummed a happy sound almost like a giddy school girl. _What does this mean_? He kept asking her but he was only getting the image of the heart. It was frustrating but he had to wait to see what played out.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lilly's version of what happened during the stolen earth

**Chapter Seventeen**

 

April 6, 2009

I have seen Cybermen, Daleks, Weevils, you name it but I saw the cutest little aliens. I swear I wanted to take them home with me. I wanted to keep one as a pet and just have it smile with that one single tooth and wave at me. They were just these little squishy white blobs but they were so adorable Schmitty. I haven’t been this fascinated by something since Thing was around. I miss Thing. I hope The Doctor’s taking good care of Thing.

 

June 1, 2009

Seems time is just whizzing by. I changed things up. I’ve done my school term this spring so it’s back to my real job. I never retired from surgery but I prefer teaching instead. Something about getting to help people and not be responsible for their life and death is very cathartic. However, a colleague, friend actually tells you they only trust you to operate on them what do you do? She has the same kind of cancer Elizabeth, Jake’s mom had. I just hope that she comes out of it as well as Elizabeth has. She’s doing great by the way. She’s so happy for Jacob. She brags to all of her neighbors, my son was voted the sexiest man in the world by _People_ magazine. I laugh my head off at it because Jacob cringes at it. He is sexy I’ll give him that but man do I love to tease him about it. If you get _People_ where you’re at he’s on the cover. He’s got s haggy blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, like yours.

 

July 11, 2009

Schmitty I retired. I’m literally sitting in my closet, my safe place as I’ve told you before in tears. This…this…this has been the most scary thing I’ve ever endured. Please don’t be disappointed in me. I just. I’m so tired of being the strong one. I’m so tired of being the one everyone looks to in a crisis. I’m so tired. I just wish for once someone was there for me. I wish someone would say its ok Lils let me help you carry the load. I still am having problems processing what happened.

 

November 8, 2011

I told you I had to do a colleagues surgery. She was on the table ready when what felt like a massive Earthquake hit. We took cover and held on as the Earth shook all around us. We held on to her and by the time the shaking stopped the power was out. The generators were out and we were literally in the dark. The dark wasn’t the problem. The problem was there was no oxygen getting to her. There was no oxygen getting anywhere. One by one my team started suffocating. I was trying not to panic. My adrenaline was keeping me going. We tried everything but the lights and the electricity were out. There was no oxygen anywhere. I couldn’t get ahold of Jack, Lucas or Jacob. I was about to panic. One last dash I went to see if we could find anything to help when I caught a glimpse of outside. John it was 2:30 pm yet it was so dark it might as well have been 2:30 am. I looked up into the sky and the sun was replaced by all these planets. I don’t mean Mars and Mercury I mean other planets. Normally I’d be excited but I had a patient on my table. I ran all over the hospital nothing. There was literally nothing I could do. I not only failed Liz I failed everyone in that hospital. Slowly I looked around and saw people passing out I went back to the operating room and saw my team on the floor gasping for breath. I thought all these years Torchwood would have prepared me for this but Jack’s right I’m not a soldier I’m a doctor and that day I stopped being that. When I woke up I was at Torchwood. Jack said I was out for a couple days. Apparently when I passed out I hit my head. I asked about Liz but I didn’t have to have an answer. She was gone. All these years Jack has known me he’s never seen me cry well not at anything important. Silly movies sweet stories yeah like a big baby things like this never. Jack started to tell me about what had happened. I was in my own painful world. I didn’t care. I looked at him and told him if this is what his world was like I was done. I literally walked out of Torchwood and away from Jack, away from my friends. I had reached my limit. That was July 2009. I had sent everyone a letter telling them I was fine. I needed some time to deal. I even stopped writing to you. I just needed a break from life. After Liz’s death I officially retired. I didn’t go back to teaching but I did go back to school. I learned how to be an architect. Through The Raindrop Foundation I’ve made several contacts. Together we have been fixing up houses for disabled vets and their families. That is what I have been doing since my last entry. But now I feel it calling me. I made amends with Jacob and Lucas. While I was away I went into some intense therapy. I am stronger than I was before and I just hope Jack accepts me back as his friend. Wish me luck John, I’m gonna need it. Love Always Lil

            She looked at the calendar on her phone. The date was November 26. She took a deep breath and went down the corridor to Torchwood  Three. She knocked on the door hoping Gwen would answer. Instead it was a new man. “Hi is Jack around?”

“Look lady Jack is in a” he started when Jack came up behind him.

“It’s ok Mickey let her in.”

“Mickey? Mickey Smith?”

“Yeah what about it?” he looked at her puzzled.

“Nothing…I’ve just heard so much about it. It’s nice to meet you” Lilly smiled. She came in and her and Jack went to his office.

“How have you been?” Lilly asked shakily.

“We have been doing ok” Lilly knew about Tosh and Owen.

“Mickey works here now?”

“Yeah he and Martha have hit it off and work here sometimes.”

“I’m sorry Jack” Lilly said softly. “I never meant to hurt anyone especially you.”

“Lucas warned me you might come around.”

“Yeah I had to apologize to them as well.”

“Lilly we were worried about you! Here we just had a life changing even and you up and left us!”

“I’ll…I’ll...I’ll just go. I don’t want to hurt anyone else…and you don’t need me. You have Martha.” She was getting the timid shy girl feeling again. She never wanted to hurt anyone. She’d rather be hurt than to hurt someone. She got up and went to the door. “Don’t do that”

“What?”

“Go back to being her”

“What do you mean?”

“When I first met you, you were a timid, shy, scared of her own shadow broken little girl” he opened his draw up and pulled out a bottle. “You remember this?” he pulled out a bottle of Maker’s Mark bourbon. “You still have that?” she asked surprised. He looked at the bottle. “January 8,1990 that’s the date this feisty, spirited, spunky, sassy young woman came charging up to me slammed the bottle on my desk and made me promise if I ever saw her cower and return to how I knew her just 18 months earlier to bring out this bottle and remind her of how far she’s come. She never told me what brought this sudden change on but for the first time I could see the woman she would become. Don’t go back to being her Liliana. The world is a much better place with my tiger mama in it.” He smiled at her and it was as if the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. She hugged him tight and he held on to her. Even though she hurt everyone she loved by having nervous breakdown they never stopped loving her. For once Lilly truly felt like she was whole. “Besides, I need my Princess Peach back in my life. I’ve missed you. I never realized how much I missed my big little sister” he laughed in her ear.

“I missed you too my crazy older little brother” she continued the joke they started many years ago.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they meet!

Chapter Eighteen

School was back in session as James taught another batch of fresh faced first year students the joy of astronomy. He also couldn’t help but notice his hand was doing that annoying twitching again. It was ok during the summer and when he’s not at school but when he’s at school it drives him insane!

Wednesday was always banana nut muffin day. George’s wife Gracie would make him a pan. James remembered the first time he met Gracie. He almost choked on his muffin. Who   
George calls Gracie was to James Dr. Grace Holloway. His one time companion back in his 8th body. She was only around to help save the world on new year’s eve but she was great and she was the first companion he ever kissed. That body was a romantic body. He sat down while George was on the phone. “Oh that is so great! The students just love you!...We can’t wait to have you here on more than just the summer term.” George hung up the phone.   
“What was that about?” James didn’t realize he was being nosy. George was his friend.  
“One of the best professors we’ve ever had is coming to do a course in the winter! Normally she’s only in the summer. Before you came she was full time but she has other jobs and goes back between semesters. I’ve been waiting patiently for you two to meet. She’s a great girl and I think she’d be good for you.” James could see the wheels spinning.   
“Oh no George I don’t need you playing cupid. I have enough on my plate.”  
“I know I’m just saying Jamie you need a good girl in your life. You need someone to make you smile the way Gracie has me.” James smiled at him.   
“I’m sure I will someday when the time is right.”   
“Well let me say I’m so glad you dumped Renee. She was ugh” George sighed.  
“I thought you liked her?”  
“Like her? I can’t stand her. I only tolerate her because the donation they make helps keep our department going. Trust me you’re better off with Peaches.”  
“Peaches? Her name is Peaches?” James tried to remember where he heard the name Peaches before.   
“Oh” George giggled “that’s just a nickname. You’ll meet her closer to Christmas. Oh I have to run. Gracie needs me to pick up something and run it by to her. I’ll see you later. Sorry for the short tea this morning.” James left and never got ‘Peaches’ real name, not that he really cared. 

As he promised he would, James kept in touch with Raven and Nathan. He was particularly close to Nathan and shared a few drinks with him. Serenity just adored Uncle Jamie and loved that he read to her the Harry Potter books and did all the voices. Sarah Jane, Luke and Jack joined him in Scotland for the Reynold’s annual thanksgiving feast. Serenity got the pleasure of explaining why American’s celebrate thanksgiving to begin with. She was adorable in her little pilgrim hat that Raven crochet for her.   
James could feel the love in the room yet at the same time he felt lonely. He wanted to have someone he could share holidays with. When you’re in the Tardis you get a sense of time lock. If you don’t want to be in 2011 how about 1911 or 2019 or the first thanksgiving? Now he was in a single time. The Tardis was fine. She was ready to go but she refused to leave. No matter how many threats he did with his mallet she wouldn’t budge. She actually did though perk up and make a small trip from London to Ealing to drop Sarah Jane off but immediately she went right back to her spot as a pear tree. “At least change into a banana tree or something.” She told him again when he wanted to leave he needed to be here. Something was going to happen and he needed to be here in this time stream because his time here wasn’t finished. When it was time to leave she’d take him anywhere he wanted to go. Then she sent him an image of women with her foot in a high heel. She was sending him the message she put her foot down and there was no getting around it. Even though he was The Doctor, she was the Tardis and she was the boss. James smiled at the memory then decided to make a toast. “I just want to say I’m really grateful to have friends like you Raven, Nathan, Serenity, Sarah Jane, Luke and even Jack. You have all shown me what it’s like to have a family and I appreciate it. To the first of hopefully many holidays to come” he toasted.  
“Amen to that’ Nathan clanked his glass to James and they spent the rest of thanksgiving laughing, joking, eating and of course sleeping. Tryptophan poising hits a Time Lord just as bad as it hits a human. 

December had rolled around and James had been working on a project with his students. They were learning about blackholes and what caused them. It was a hard subject for James. Not because of the subject matter but because of remembering the time when him and Rose were dealing with the devil on that impossible planet. He trudged along with it though. The project was in the works but it need funding. George suggest James throw a benefit, a black tie affair, for alumni and donors. James didn’t know the first thing about organizing such an event that was when there was a knock on his door. It opened immediately and James’ nightmare came true. “Hello dawwhling” her vapid, phony voice came out.   
“What are you doing here?” he sighed.  
“Is that any way to talk to someone that could single handedly fund all of your stupid pointless projects?”  
“Look Cassandra I’m not”  
“Oh Jimmy don’t be such a dud”  
“My name is” he growled but she had moved on.   
“I have been put in charge of organizing your event. I have the best chefs on standby. We’ll have jazz music and finally I’ll get to have you look like a real man and not some human porcupine. My stylist will do wonder with your hair and those sideburns will just have to go. I do need a list of students so I can pick out the beautiful ones to mingle and let the other ones work with the staff. I was thinking new year’s eve but who wants to do science on such a great holiday so I’ve scheduled it for The Passion Club for January 17-21. It’s a Thursday through Sunday. They are in their busy season then but they were delighted to have us. Anyway come by Renee’s office today at 2 pm. We’re going to get you fitted properly for a suit. That tuxedo you wear needs to be put out of it’s misery. Ta ra!” she left and closed the door behind her. James threw his tea mug at the door and shattered it into a million pieces. The Oncoming Storm was brought out but then reality hit. She was right she could personally fund any project he needed. He also didn’t have a clue about setting up fundraisers. He was a Time Lord. He crashed parties he never set them up. 

At lunch he was still fuming. His mind was a million miles away when he accidently ran into someone. “Oh I’m so sorry” she looked up at him. His breath caught in his throat and if he didn’t know better he thought he heard the Tardis squeak like a little girl. Her hair was blond not the blue, it was curly, not straight and her eyes were full of life now not devoid of happiness but he knew. All these years later she had grown up. Not only had she grown up but she was beautiful, absolutely beautiful no she was more than beautiful she was gorgeous! His mind blanked but at the same time raced as fast as his heart. He knew he should say something, anything but he was rendered speechless. This was what she was holding him back for! His Tardis was a feisty thing and sent him an image of someone clapping their hands. She was giving him a round of applause for figuring it out. “Oh it’s” he started then as the universe always does to him it implodes around him. “Jimmy! There you are” he cringed as Renee and Cassandra flanked him. “Oh Anna you’re back” Renee snickered but made sure she held on to James as tight as she could. “Oh Treeknee you’re still here. Did daddy finally put you to work for your allowance?” normally James would be upset at someone fighting but he just saw someone who has been on his mind for a long time. “Jimmy here this is Anna. She’s an underwater basket weaving professor or something. One of those useless classes no one needs to know about.”  
“Like French history where you claim to be a descendent of Madame De Pompadour yet have no clue that her two kids died long before they could ever become parents to anyone. Yeah you’re a great French history teacher Treeknee.” James smirked and smiled at her. That’s my girl!  
“Jimmy here is one of our science professors. He teaches astrology.” Astrology? Really are you that stupid?   
“Yeah I bet he does” she grinned. “Well Jimmy it’s nice to meet you but this Capricorn is starving and Saturn’s in my dominate house so I better leave before my metatarsal goes into Treeknee’s Uranus.” She smiled at Renee. She looked at him and winked. James smiled his natural charming smile that literally sent Cleopatra to her knees once and watched her walk off. That’s my Raindrop. He smiled to himself. Even the twitching in his hand, which by now he had gotten used to and ignored, was getting worse. It was almost like it was begging, no pulling James away to go join up with Lilly. All James wanted to do was shake those two leeches off him and run after her. “Ugh the nerve of that woman. I thought we were done with her.” Renee brought him backdown to Earth. “They say she went crazy. Said there were all strange planets in the sky and the Earth was moved. As if that could really happen.” James looked at Renee. He learned a long time ago to never ask her hard questions like where she was when the battle of Canary Wharf hit. She was one of those that bought the drugged story. James right now as he’s being ushered off would rather be exterminated by a Dalek than to deal with these two.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get to see these two together and james view on what happened that night

Chapter Nineteen

 

            “George” Lilly plopped down in her seat. “Why do all the gorgeous men have to fall for the most vapid, soul sucking brain dead bimbos out there?”

“Are you calling Gracie a bimbo?” he chuckled at her. He knew that would get her to smile.

“Well there is an exception to every rule. You are of course the exception” he laughed at her. “How is Gracie by the way?”

“Oh she’s great. She’s happy to hear you’re back. She’s sending me a list of things to get because she’s got to make more banana nut muffins for tomorrow.”

“Oh I’ve missed her banana nut muffins but she doesn’t have to do that for me.”

“Are you kidding? If I didn’t have banana nut muffin Wednesday then my two best professors wouldn’t be fed in the morning.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh that reminds me! You haven’t met him.” George’s smile was big. Lilly didn’t pay attention to the gears going around George’s head.

“Met who?”

“Jamie, he’s taken over your place as the banana hog at tea”

“Oh”  Lilly looked down. She was feeling sad. This has been a tradition with just her and George for as long as she’s been teaching here. No one else was ever allowed at their tea parties. “Oh so you don’t…that’s fine. Tell Gracie I said  hi” Lilly got up to leave.

“Where are you going?” George asked confused.

“I’ve got some errands to run. I’ll see you around” she left before George could say anything. She never dreamed she’d hurt George enough to where he’d replace her as his tea friend. Lilly hated his tea but she’d endure it for George. Now she sat in her office looking at her mug of Orion. She felt the tears prickle. She was going to miss his advice his friendship and even his God awful Earl Grey tea.

            As James munched on one of Gracie’s famous banana nut muffins a flashback came to him. He was sitting at one of those all night greasy classic American dinners. Across from him was this timid girl with blue hair wig. He had just told her about a ‘dream’ he had about a place called Barcelona. “It was a fantastic place. They have dogs with no noses.” He laughed. He watched her start cackling and coming out of her shell. Then her eyes lit up. “How do they smell?” she asked.

“Terrible!” they said in unison which caused much more hysterical laughter and a few looks from some people. He could see her timeline was changing in front of him. He knew why the Tardis brought him here. When he first saw her, her timeline was fading. Her bright ultramarine blue timeline was changing colors and fading. Hers went from her normal ultramarine blue to a bright mauve when he sat down. That was his warning. Mauve was the color of danger. She was going to make a decision that needed to be changed. He didn’t know what was so important about this girl but he needed to reach to her before her timeline went black and faded away. He didn’t normally look at peoples timelines but hers screamed at him to look. He even looked at his own timeline and saw her ultramarine was intersecting with his Tardis blue way in the future. He was astonished because she never had a banana milkshake. He put a stop to that. “Bananas are good! I like bananas good source of potassium” that brought a smile to her face. “Fantastic” he beamed and she laughed. He noticed every time he said fantastic she smiled. He kept it up all night until he got her saying it. Then as the dawn came up he took her hand. It was soft and tender against his calloused palms. She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. He led her to the hotel she was staying at. He had no intention he just wanted to make sure she was safe. She told him he was more than welcome to stay with her. He took her wig off her head and exposed her blond hair. “No sweetheart I’m fine. You get some sleep Raindrop.” She giggled when he called her that but closed her eyes and went to sleep. He was a battle warn soldier. Hs planet was gone. His hearts were broken. He was determined to run through his remaining regenerations because he didn’t want to live. He was tired of the nightmares the screaming in his head but once again he found himself on Earth helping the stupid apes once again. He kissed her forehead. For some reason even now he has no idea why but he took off his coat and laid it over her shoulders. It was then he noticed the marks on her arm. She had scars from attempts before. He wondered what could cause this sweet girl to go that far. He knew she needed help. He found a phone number in her purse. In case of emergency call John Patrick and left a number. Her saw her real name, Liliana Patrick and she lived in Lexington, KY. He called John and found out he was her uncle. He said he had no way of getting her but he would see what he could do. James told him he’d bring Lilly to him. Five minutes later the Tardis landed in John’s backyard. John explained a little about her background, her mother abandoned her, her father was abusive towards her and would only have anything to do with her when it was to make him look good. John knew James was different but vowed to never say anything. He shook his hand and James walked away. When he was back on the Tardis, he set trek for Barcelona. He needed to have some fun yet when he landed he wasn’t greeted by dogs with no noses he was greeted by the pomp and circumstance that comes with a college graduation. “She’s graduated the top of her class.” James turned around and saw John. “She has worked so hard. She’ll be excited to know you’re here.”

“You can’t tell her”

“Why”

“It’s not time yet” James looked at the timelines,

“I...I never told anyone.”

“Thank you”

“But can I ask are you an angel?” James smiled.

“No far from it. I’m just The Doctor.”

“The Doctor?”

“Hello” he said cheerfully.

“Is that why she’s becoming a doctor? She told me she had a special reason.”

“She’s going to be a great doctor.”

“We’re very proud of her thank you again Doctor for bring her home to us. You literally saved her life.” James smiled at him and after making him promise to not say a word he left. When he left he was determined to go see dogs with no noses only to wind up a her second college graduation. She was just as beautiful then as she is now. A big smile came across his face at the memory. “Hello Earth to Jamie come in Jamie” George waved his hand in James face.

“I’m sorry I just was having a memory of someone.”

“Must be a nice memory. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.” Even though he would vehemently deny it, James was actually blushing. “Who was she?” George smiled.

“She’s…” James started and heard the door open. He turned around and saw her. “Her” he said softly. His smile couldn’t get any bigger if he tried. She had a big smile on her face. “Astro Boy is my replacement George?”

“Basket Girl is who you were talking about?”

“You two have met?” George asked smiling. He could see the chemistry between them.

“Not officially” James smiled. _Well not that she’d know._

“Lilly this is my friend Dr. James Noble. Jamie this is my other friend. Dr. Liliana Patrick” Lilly grinned and took James’ outstretched hand. THAT hand. “It’s nice to meet you officially”

“Yeah you too. How’s the basket weaving” he chuckled.

“Well ya know Venus has entered into my house. Ya know how that goes” she laughed. George just looked at them and smiled. “So you must be the banana muffin thief.” James couldn’t stop the idiotic grin on his face.

“Oh yes” he smiled “I like bananas. They’re a good source of potassium.” The color drained out of her face she looked at James. _She remembers me…weelll him._ “Yeah they sure are” she smiled at him. Sparks flew up his body and his hand stopped twitching for a moment like it was finally home. He could tell she felt the sparks by the blush on her face. “While you two get to know each other I’ll go put another kettle on” George made his excuse to leave.

            Lilly watched George leave. Once the door was shut she turned to James. “I don’t mean to be rude but do you actually drink his tea?” James laughed and smiled at her. “No I make my own. George is like a father to me but I can’t handle the tea.”

“What do you do?”

“He comes back and I’ll make your tea. See if you like it.”

“Thanks Astro Boy” Lilly laughed. James smiled. _Donna would like you. I miss her calling me Spaceman._

“You’re welcome Basket Girl” she chuckled and started rubbing her hand. “What’s wrong with your hand?”

“Oh it’s driving me INSANE! There has to be something in this building. When I’m here it twitches and won’t stop. I’ve had it x-rayed, MRI, everything and nothing shows up. For some reason though when I’m here it feels like its wanting to pull me in some direction like I’m a puppet or something.”

“Mine too! And its only when I’m here. Have you heard anyone else complain?”

“No and I’ve asked around. It’s driving me crazy! Sometimes it’s embarrassing. I feel like I’m Frankenstein and I’m going to get up and walk like a zombie or something” they laughed together as she stuck both arms out and waddled back and forth.

“I know what you mean here” he reached out and grabbed her hand. Normally Lilly would be put off by such a forward measure but something about his hands felt right. “I’m sorry that was rude of me. Sometimes I can be that rude and not ginger that’s me” he smiled charmingly at her. She giggled like a school girl. “That’s ok your rubbing it feels nice. The twitching is gone. Thanks Ginger” with that James laughed “it’s ok Blondie” Lilly smiled and looked at him studying him intently.

“Have we met before? You seem so familiar.” _Oh have we ever_ he thought to himself.

“Weellll we met yesterday.”

“Oh yeah with Tweedle Dee and Tweedled Dum” her eyes got big. “I’m sorry I didn’t meant to talk about your girlfriends like that.”

“Hooo ooo ooo they are far from my girlfriends.”

“Sure about that? Treeknee, sorry Renee, sure seemed to hang on to you like a cheap suit. Which by the way love the red chucks with the blue suit.” She noticed his outfit. _She’s noticed my outfit. She’s been looking._ Which reminded him of when Cassandra was in his mind. He knew how Rose felt about him in his previous body but Cassandra really sealed the deal for him. _I’ve been inside your head. You’ve been looking. You like it._ “Really?” James smiled at her. “Treeknee thinks it looks stupid.”  
“Treeknee also thinks she’s a descendent from royalty because her 10x great grandma was a bimbo and slept with the King of France. However her so called grandma didn’t have kids last long enough to have kids so she’s a fruit cake to be nice. She also thinks there’s a class about underwater basket weaving. Sorry she’s not my biggest fan. I shouldn’t bad mouth a fellow professor to another professor.”

“So what do you teach?”

“Guess” she grinned

“Oh you are challenging me Dr. Patrick” he smiled. He pulled out his phone. “Ok Google pull up information on a Lilly Patrick”

“Hey that’s cheating” she confiscated his phone. He laughed at her as she held it over his head. He reached in and tickled her and she dropped it in his hands. “You play dirty” she laughed. Then the timer on her phone went off. She was bummed James could see the sadness come back to her face. She was enjoying this as much as he was. “Do you have tea with George every morning?”

“Yeah I do actually”

“Good can you make my tea tomorrow? I have to teach Holding Your Breath Underwater 101”

“I’ll be glad to” he smiled at her. She smiled and reached over for the last muffin. She split it in two and shoved his half in his mouth. “There’s your good source of potassium banana boy” she turned to leave. “And thank you for rubbing my hand. It feels a lot better.”

“You’re welcome Basket Girl anytime.” When Lilly left she had a spring in her step. She was so glad George called her and told her she was welcome at tea anytime and to please come back tomorrow.

            James sat there smiling like a Cheshire cat. Even though it was many years ago and in a different body it was like they never stopped being friends. He couldn’t wait to see her again. “I told you she was great” James jumped as George stood in the doorway.

“Yeah…yeah she is”

“Her office is actually across from yours.”

“Really?” James let out a manly squeak.

“That’s her mug. You uh might want to take her some tea.” James got the hint. He grabbed the mug with Orion on it and made Lilly his English Breakfast/Earl Grey tea. He knocked on her door. “Open sesame” she yelled as she was rummaging through papers. She found the poster she wanted. “I’ll be with you in a second” her back was to him. She stood up and put one foot on the chair and the other on her desk. “I have multiple PhDs, doctorates and countless awards but not enough brains to bring a ladder” she muttered. James watched, and if he was being honest with himself, enjoyed the view as she did her best Spiderman act and crawled on the filing cabinet. He noticed how her shirt rode up and he got to see her nice jeans with the flowers on the side and the back. He was enjoying her shirt being rolled up. “Spaceman!” Donna growled in his head but he couldn’t help the human side coming out. “Oh be careful love” it just came out. He couldn’t believe he said such a term of endearment. She turned and saw it was him. “I’m ok dumpling but thank you.” She hung up her poster and sat on the cabinet. “I can climb up no problem but getting down my knees laugh at me. Could you help me?” _There’s nothing in the world I’d rather do than help you._ He smiled at her and walked over. She put her hands on his shoulders and jumped down. She looked up at him for a few seconds. “Thank you Jamie. Oh I’m sorry James .”

“Oh no Jamie is ok you can call me Jamie” _you can call me anything you want_. When she smiled at him he forgot what he was even doing there. “Can I help you?” she finally asked.

“Oh right sorry” he bumbled nervously. “George told me this is your mug and that since my office is right there I could bring you some tea.”

“Your tea or Georges’ tea”

“My tea” he smiled and handed her the cup. She took a sip. Then another and another. “I will bring you a banana every day if you make my tea for me” he chuckled nervously. He had been around women all the time but Lilly made him nervous. He was feeling protective over her almost… Then he shook that thought out of his head. _Gallifrey is gone. There are no such things as bondmates any longer._ “Where’s your cup?”

“Oh” he smiled “I uh yesterday after dealing with Cassandra I sort of used it as a baseball and threw it at the door.”

“Isn’t that the best stress relief” she smiled

“Yeah it is actually” he chuckled. He was still bumbling around. He was shaking his hand out. The twitching had started back in full force. “Here” she took his hand. “Sorry it was driving me nuts” she started rubbing the hand. “Thank you Jamie for my tea” she said kindly.

“You’re so welcome sweetheart.” God he wanted to kiss her. _What in the world is wrong with you Theta? Get it together!_ He squeezed her fingers gently as she rubbed his hand. She smiled and squeezed them back. They were in their own little world together smiling like a couple of idiots.

            Their little moment came crashing down. The shrill, obnoxious, high pitch voice of Renee was standing in her office. “Oh there you are. I have been looking everywhere for you. Chef Herme is wanting to discuss what to have for dinner.”  Renee came over and took his hand specifically that Lilly was rubbing. She gave Lilly a look of death and led him out the door. James turned and looked sadly at Lilly. _I’m so sorry Raindrop._ She gave a gentle wave and waved back like he was being led to the guillotine. His heart felt like it. He wanted to spend more time with her. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time. He hasn’t felt this way since he would get impatient because Rose had to sleep and he wanted her up so they could go on adventures and he could hold her hand. That’s when he looked at his timeline. His Tardis blue was now intersected with ultramarine blue. Now was the time they were supposed to together. _Now if only Dalek Renee would leave us alone._


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

 

            Lilly always took her notebook with her. She didn’t have a set time of day she wrote to John just whenever the mood hit her or when things got sad or happy for her. After James left she was overwhelmed with feelings. She sat at her desk and took a deep breath. She took out her favorite blue pen and began writing.

December 12, 2011

Hey you,

Its 10 am here but already my day has been made and destroyed. I met the most gorgeous man yesterday by sheer accident and today we had tea again by accident. I’m not sure but I think he was even flirting with me. The crazy part? I was flirting back. Me! I never flirt. I have no idea how to flirt but it was happening. Unfortunately though Cassandra and Renee have to ruin it. They are hanging all over him like two cats in heat. He said they’re not his girlfriends but the way she came in and just yanked him around I’m not so sure. I don’t know what he sees in her to keep that up. Maybe...maybe…maybe he’s not so great as my head thinks he is. Now I’m sad. Maybe if I talk to Jack it will help. Maybe Martha can help no she’s got her hands full with Mickey. I just maybe I was a little excited that someone was paying attention me. Now I’m sad. Well of course but two weeks from now it’s Christmas so it’s time for the depression to kick in I guess. Joy joy joy – Raindrop

            Across the hall James was in another world the whole time Renee was wittering on. He couldn’t stop thinking about the sad look on Lilly’s face when he left. They were laughing and having a good time just before but then it was gone. He wanted to tell Renee to shut up. His 9th self, the one Lilly knew, would have told her by now. He wanted to see her again. He was going to at lunch. He would shake off these leeches one way or the other.

            Lunch came and he was excited. He was going to see her. He went to her office. The light was out and the door was locked. He went the café looked everywhere she wasn’t there. He went to George’s office she wasn’t there but he got some information. “Lilly, Cassandra, and Renee do not like each other at all. I don’t know if there was a man involved or what but if Cassandra or Renee are around, you won’t find Lilly.” James’ heart broke. George could see the evidence on his face.

“But George she’s planning this party. She has to be around. Without her donors there’s no way I’d ever raise enough money on my own.”

“Lilly thinks you’re dating one of them. She’s a good girl. She will not go after someone else’ man no matter how hot she thinks you are.” James blushed and got a silly grin on his face. “Did she tell you that?”

“I’ve known Lilly for many years. She doesn’t have to tell me when she thinks someone is hot. I know by the way she acts. You sir are right up there with Elvis and the guy that plays Thor. Those are her two main crushes. You need to talk to her and tell her what’s going on.” James  smiled and walked back to his office eating a banana. _She thinks I’m hot. I guess I still got it._ He reached his office and looked over. Her office was still closed. He kept the door open on his end because every five minutes he would look out and see if she was there. After two hours of this he gave up and went home.

            James was so disappointed as he sat in George’s office. George told him Lilly wasn’t coming in. He sighed and went back to his office. His heart wasn’t in it today. His students got a free day. He walked home from the bus stop deep in thought. He went to the Tardis and she allowed him one trip to Cardiff to see Jack. “Hey long time no see boss” Mickey greeted him. James tried to keep up the jovial face but Mickey saw right through it. Since Rose is no longer in the picture for either of them, Mickey the idiot became one of James’ dearest friends. “Talk to her mate.”

“I will if I can ever see her again.”

“Go to her house”

“Yeah that doesn’t scream stalking.”

“Is this project really that important?”

“Yeah it is actually. When did money get to be so important?” he asked seriously. Mickey just chuckled at him.

“Welcome to the real world mate.”

“Mickey I’m going to tell you something but please don’t tell anyone” once Mickey agreed James told him about that one night in America. “So now our timelines are converging. I just don’t want to blow it.”

“Go back and tell George you need him to get her to talk to you. Then explain to her what’s going on. She may be able to help you.”

“Maybe”

“See I’m not such an idiot after all” he lightened the mood.

“Ricky you’ll always be an idiot” James chuckled at him.

“Touché Jimmy” they playfully roughhoused. When James went to bed that night he felt a little better.

            When Lilly woke up the next morning, she got a text from George. _You better be here today. I can’t have my two best professors out again today. He needs to talk to you please talk to him. It would mean the world to us both._

_What do you mean? What happened?  
When you didn’t come in yesterday James left and went home. Seems someone likes your company._

_What? Are you serious? He…he left because I wasn’t there?_

_Yes he did. I offered to give him your address so he could come and talk to you but he didn’t want to seem like a stalker._

_He likes me?_

_Oh Lilly you have no idea_ _😉_ _just come on in today ok? I think the world might implode if you don’t come in today._

Lilly’s heart was a lot lighter. “He likes me…he really likes me…ok that sounded like Sally Field’s Oscar speech.” She giggled as she got out of bed. She shot Jack a text and asked him to do her a favor. He obliged and while she was in the shower he sent her the information that she needed. Lilly smiled a giddy smile as she combed her hair and brushed her teeth. She put on her leather jacket and laced up her Nikes. “Ok Princess lets do this!” she walked out of her house with her Capricorn streak in full stride.

            At the school James sat down in front of George. He was nervous and anxious. He didn’t even eat a banana today which George knew wasn’t right. He might be an old man but he knew love when he saw it and what James had on his face was love and fear. He was afraid that his opportunity had passed him by. He had to give him some hope. “She’ll be here today and if I know our girl she’ll be here with bells on.”

“Is she mad at me?”

“No I think she’s confused.”

“Why?”

“She likes you a lot I can tell. Just as much as you like her.” James couldn’t help but grin. “I think the issue is she doesn’t know how to handle you and Renee. On one hand she wants to be the good girl and let you make your decision and on the other hand she wants to rip her throat out and tear her paws off of you. One thing about Lilly she’s feisty especially around those that she loves. There’s a reason her friends call her their tiger mama. She’d do anything in the world for them. She calls them her cubs and I think I’m pretty sure she has a favorite new cub. Just tell her the truth about what’s going on. She might be able to help you.”

“Thanks I will. But you know for sure she’s coming in?”

“If I know my girl she’ll be here any second” George smiled.

James was getting excited. He heard the door open and turned hoping to see a certain blond standing there. His heart sank when it was a completely different blond. “Good morning dawwhlings” James slumped in his chair. _I’m doomed._ This was not going to be good.

“Cassandra we are having a staff meeting. You are not allowed in here.” George growled.

“Not allowed? Not allowed? Do I need to remind you who pays your salary?” James head was down and was about to just leave.

“That would be the students tuition,” his head perked up and he smiled big as he saw who responded. She was standing there in the door way with his jacket on and her arms crossed. She put him in the mind of him in his previous body when he wasn’t going to take prisoners. George was right she’s on a feisty streak. _Rassilon she looks good._ He also noticed the tiny blue bag she was carrying. He smiled as he watched her give Cassandra the business. “The athletic department, the fans, and The Copper Foundation as well as many other foundations. Now you heard the man Cassie you are not invited to this staff meeting. If you would like Tommy in security would be more than willing to escort you out.” Lilly got in front of her and pushed her out then closed the door and locked it. She turned around to a very stunned, but extremely proud George and a bright smiling James. “Now then shall we begin this faculty meeting?” she smiled at them. James for the first time in his life knew what it felt like when he as The Doctor came in and saved the day. It was on a small scale of course but this was so worth it. “THAT’S MY PRINCESS!” George laughed and came around and gave her a great big hug. She laughed into his shoulder. James stood there not sure what exactly to do. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to do more than that with her, but he didn’t want to scare her. Finally George let go and she handed James the blue bag. “Here you go Astro Boy” she smiled at him. He opened it up and pulled out a blue box. He opened the box and inside was a mug. It had the zodiac symbols all over it. James started laughing hysterically. Then he read the note _to replace the one that should have went to Renee’s head. Love always your favorite Capricorn._ He laughed and gave her a huge hug. He didn’t let go for a few minutes not that she was complaining either. “Thank you I appreciate it so much.”

“You’re welcome” she smiled at him. “So I’ve been thinking a lot on my personal day and donor or not Cassandra has way to much clout over everyone. She throws it around like it should be named the Cassandra institute for middle age hags which brings me to my point. While I was off my Capricorn side kicked in. Astro Boy can explain it” she smiled at James. “Anyway I just so happen to have a friend who’s good with computers. He actually looked it up and guess what chicken butt. Miss I pay your salary doesn’t even donate enough to pay for George’s tea. So the next time she throws that around there you go. Ok staff meeting adjourned. I want some cookies.” She turned and left.

James sat there stunned but as bad as he didn’t want to admit it he was turned on. _Rassilon Theta get it together!_ “What the hell are you doing boy go after her!” George all but threw him out of his chair. Lilly was maybe halfway down the hall. “Lilly wait” she turned and looked at him. She smiled as she saw him coming up to her. “My first class is cancelled can we go someplace and talk?” James looked at her hopingly. “What did you do to my sister?” Renee came charging up to her. Lilly looked at her with disdain. “Back off Renee! The adults are talking. Yes James I’d love to go with you.” She took his hand and they barreled through Renee’s empty threats. “I’ll have you both fired you know!”

“Go for it dahling if you think you can” Lilly shouted back behind her. Renee kept it up. She kept following them. Finally Lilly looked at James and squeezed his hand. “let’s ditch this popsicle stand” and she tugged his hand and they ran to the nearest elevator and as the elevator closed on Renee’s face Lilly waved goodbye.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lilly spills a secret, james finds something he lost and the two friends grow closer...over banana nut bread

Chapter Twenty-One

           

            When they got outside they looked at each other and laughed. “Basket Girl you need to let your Capricorn side come out more often.” Lilly blushed. He noticed however she never let go of his hand and he wasn’t about to let go himself. Lilly left her keys in her office and James didn’t have a car so they walked a couple blocks to a coffee shop. “Ok how do you take your tea?”

“I take English Breakfast and Earl Grey together. I put five sugars and two creams in it.”

“Ok that’s what I want” James ordered the teas and some banana nut muffins. He couldn’t help but notice the smile when he sat down. Lilly took a sip. “I don’t know what you did but this still isn’t as good as yesterday’s. You must just make yours with extra special love.”

“That’s what it is” he laughed. There was an awkward silence. “Lilly”

“James ” they said together. They chuckled nervously. “You first” Lilly pointed at him.

“I’m scared” James admitted to her. That was one of the hardest things he had to do was admit he was scared.

“Of what?” she reached out and took his hand.

“I have this project we’ve been working on. It needs funding. That’s why Renee and Cassandra are all over me. I have no idea how to fundraise. That’s why Renee’s all over me. I admit I used to date her but that’s been over for ages I just…”

“So you’re using them.”

“What? No…well I … I never thought of it like that.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because…because I enjoy your company. George told me the three of you don’t get along. I just I don’t want you thinking I’d rather spend time with them. I’m just doing this so their donors will come and we can get what we need.”

“I appreciate you telling me. Now I’m going to be honest with you because you’re my friend.”

“Ok” he was kind of scared where this was going.

“What are you going to do when the next project needs funding? You’re going to be forever in their debt. Sweetheart they’ll get ahold of you and clip and cut and tug everything away until you’re their little puppet. Then where would you be? They’re already trying to style you up.”

“What do you  mean?”

“I noticed the sideburns are gone.” Lilly blushed because she had noticed. James smiled but she was right. Renee got ahold of him the other day and shaved them off.  “Jamie I mean this with all due respect get a backbone.” That was a first. Here he was a Time Lord and this human was telling him to get a backbone. It sort of made him mad. How dare she, a merely human, tell him a mighty Time Lord to get a backbone. If she only knew what he did before he got stuck here. He had a retort to come back but then he scratched his cheek and realized she was right. “Those girls are after you not just because you’re gorgeous but they are sharks. They can smell blood and any sort of weakness they will pounce.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” he smiled at her. He saw her face turn five shades of red.

“That’s what you choose to focus on?” she looked at him. He just smiled and winked at her. She turned even redder and looked down. Her shyness was so endearing to him. “What do I do?”

“For starters you tell them no. Then you’ll feel better. You’re young at this.” _I’m really not that young Lils._ “You don’t need Chef Herpaderp to cater. You have a whole college that can help! You also have a friend that will help you and show you what to do. Even more than that you have a friend that even when you don’t believe in yourself she believes in you.” James looked down. He was not about to let his Donna side come out in front of her. “It’s ok James . You are human. Let it out. You’ve been holding it in for so long it’s ok to let it out. Believe me I know.” He blinked a few times trying to get the tears to go away. “It’s funny”

“What is?”..

“A long time ago I sat in a dinner with someone I barely knew and he gave me this exact same speech. Actually” she opened up her pocket and took out an old piece of paper. “He gave me this. It’s Russian but translates to”

“No matter where you are when you think no one believes in you just remember I do.” _She still has this?_

“You speak Russian?” Lilly asked him surprised. _Oh sweetheart if you only knew. I speak 5 billion languages._ “Yeah I do” he smiled at her. He saw her face light up and for the next ten minutes they had a conversation in Russian. He found out that she knows several different languages but Russian is her favorite. He found out that his old coat and that letter were her most prized possessions. She keeps that letter on her at all times. He found out how much of a difference that one little night made in her life. At that moment he realized the Tardis takes him where he needs to be the most. He was a mighty Time Lord but this sweet human humbled him to his core. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“No I don’t” she looked down. “I’ve wondered so many times all these years. I wonder if he’s ok. If he’s happy hell at this point if he’s still alive. It’s funny how one little encounter can make such a difference in someone’s life.” She looked at him. “I never even told my oldest and dearest friends that story.”

“What do you think happened to him?”

“I don’t know. I’m hoping he’s got a family and is healthy and happy but” she sighed “I just don’t know. It’s so stupid” she looked up. He could see the tears in her eyes. “For the longest time when I’d hear a British man talk I’d run to see if it was him. Of course it never was but…” she cleared her throat “sorry I don’t mean to.”

“No it’s ok Lilly it’s ok.” he smiled at his little raindrop. She had no idea her biggest wish came true. “I can guarantee if he could see you now he’d be so proud of the lady you have become.” She smiled at him but her eyes were on the table. He saw a little tear down her cheek.

“I always said if I could go back in time there’s two things I’d do.”

“What’s that?” he wanted this information for future reference. She just giggled and shook her head.

“I’d go see Elvis in concert” James smiled at her “and I’d go back and tell him thank you. I’d tell him how much of a difference he made in my life. He … he looked like he lost his best friend. He looked so sad Jamie it broke my heart all I wanted to do was just hold him and tell him everything would be ok but I was just a screwed up 19 year old kid. I just…I’d just want to give him hope. The same hope he gave me. Just tell him somehow someway things in his life would get better no matter what was going on just keep the faith and things will work out.” She realized she was getting too deep. “Sorry” she apologized and wiped her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about that for so long. I … I still can’t believe I even told you about him. Anyway how about some more banana nut bread huh” she smiled and got up and went to the counter. James watched her walk away. _Oh Angel Rayne you have no idea how much you helped me. It was because of you I gave Rose a second chance. She reminded me of you so much. Her spirit her feistiness. It was like having you with me only it was Rose. Together both of you healed me in ways you have no idea about._ He smiled as he watched her come back with more banana nut bread. _Somethings my Raindrop never change._

            The two friends sat in that little coffee shop much like they did all those years ago. James wanted to tell her so badly but he was utterly terrified that she would leave if she knew. So with every laugh he grew closer to her. With every smile his heart raced. He had faced Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, Zygons and not to be outdone Jackie Tyler. However none of them scared him as bad as losing Lilly.

            He held her hand as they walked out of the coffee shop. She never mentioned it but he noticed how his hand never twitched when he was holding hers. It was like his hand found the one it wanted and didn’t need to twitch anymore. It was absolutely freezing and James had no coat. “Come on Astro Boy we are getting you a coat.”

“Lilly I’m fine! I have on back at work.”

“Yeah well I don’t want you getting the flu. Come on Ginger we’re going shopping.” He smiled at her. He loved the nicknames she came up with for him. Even though his hair was a chestnut brown she called him Ginger because of his ‘rude and not ginger’ crack. She dragged him to this shop. Honestly he was freezing but if getting a coat meant he got to spend that much more time with her he’d not like any of them so he could stay longer. They looked around. “I remember this one time I went to this car dealership. Oh my God James I fell so sorry for the man. He literally looked like a clown. He had stripes and checks mixed but the colors oh my God I think a rainbow threw up on him. He had the curliest blond hair. He was a bit full of himself but I guess would have to be to pull that look off.” James about lost his heart. He didn’t know who she was at the time but he remembered meeting her in his 6th body. Then another time in his 4th. He remembered offering her a jelly baby. She’s been in his life all three times and he never knew it. “Oh I have found it! Yes this is definitely you!” she pulled out a trench coat. His heart sunk. He would know that coat anywhere. “I have no idea why but this screams at me that it’s you! And the tan goes great with your blue suit. Come on try it on try it on” she was getting excited. He put it on and it was like wearing an old shirt. He put his hands in the pockets and realized this coat was left here for a reason. The pockets weren’t like standard Earth pockets. They were bigger on the inside. He felt a piece of paper in the pocket. He took it out and saw the note written in Gallifreyan. _I found the coat Theta. Right after Janis gave me another one._ “Yes I was right! That look is you!” she got excited like a little girl. “Yes the geek chic professor look is complete. It was almost like it was put here just for you. Sorry cheesy I know but I believe everything happens for a reason. Come on Astro Boy my treat.” She smiled a big smile at him. She fixed the collar on him and looked up at him. She looked into his eyes. He wanted her to see so badly but it wasn’t the right time and dear God did he want to kiss the life out of her. “Jamie” she said softly.

“Yeah” he said just as softly.

“Don’t ever let anyone change you.”

“Ok” he said softly. She reached up and kissed his cheek. He smiled at her and they headed back to work. He touched the spot where she kissed him. He couldn’t help but have a cheesy smile on his face. He almost giggled but that would be unbecomingly of a Time Lord. _I got my coat, my Tardis, and the girl. Everything’s coming up Doctor_.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

December 24, 2011

            Schmitty I’m scared. For the past couple weeks James and I have hung out for tea, lunch, after work. I’m scared because I think I’m falling in love with him. What scares me is I feel like there’s something he has to tell me but doesn’t know how too. He reminds me of you so much. I’m so proud of him. He’s turned away Renee and Cassandra. He’s having the event moved to our observatory. He’s got the kids in culinary school catering it. the art kids decorating and the fashion designer kids are making us outfits. He’s talked me into letting them make me a dress. I told him I don’t wear dresses but somehow he talked me into wearing one. Honestly if he told me to walk across hot coals I would and that’s what scares me. I’ve sat in a couple of lectures and he’s made me fall in love with the stars again. He’s in Scotland for Christmas tomorrow. But in all honesty I miss him now. How do you tell someone you love them and you work with aliens? I mean that’s a big part of my life. I just…I wish I had you to tell me what to tell him. Anyway if you’re around I hope you have a happy Christmas.

*-*RD*-*

            Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Tardis. A Time Lord was stirring he needed to speak to Harkness. His heart was going crazy. He didn’t want to disturb anyone but he needed advice. The Tardis was sending him comfort but the uncertainty was still there. He pulled the lever just wanting to go somewhere for a few days. Where he landed was no surprise. This Tardis was teaching he Time Lord something about patience. “Hey boss”

“Mickey its Christmas eve what are you doing here?”

“Martha got called in”

“Is Jack around?”

“Hey there handsome” he heard the familiar American accent. James looked at him and Jack started laughing. “What?” Jack couldn’t stop.

“What? What is it?”

“Break out the best booze boys our Time Lord is in love!”

“What?” James tried to act innocent.

“I know that look you are head over heels in love with someone. What’s wrong?” Jack looked at him.

“Nothing’s wrong Jack it’s just…how do I tell her?”

“Well usually you get alone and set a romantic dinner and say I love you.”

“Not that! How do I tell her about ME?”

“Do you want to tell her?’

“Yes.. .no…I don’t know. What if she runs away? What if she thinks I’m crazy?”

“What if she admits she’s in love with you too? Doctor you ‘re the smartest person I know. Give her a little credit. If she gets spooked give her some time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

“Actually what happened in Rome was…” James went on one of his diatribes he’s famous for.

            James Christmas trip to Scotland both helped and made things worse. Even sweet Serenity knew something was up with Uncle J. “She seems like a great lady just tell her how you feel” was Raven’s advice. “There’s…there’s just so much history and baggage. I don’t want to dump on her.”

“I wish you would have brought her I’d like to meet her.

“I didn’t want to impose.”

“Impose? James we live in a Scottish mansion. There are rooms I never have even been in. It wouldn’t have been an imposition.” James  smiled he wished he would have too. He’s been up here a couple days already. (minus the tiny trip in the Tardis).  And he misses his Basket Girl. Astro Boy and Basket Girl have been so funny between them. He’s never even asked her what her class actually is. “You know, it’s only 10 am here. She might be able to come up here if you call. Raven and I would love to have her and we wouldn’t mind going to get her.” Nathan handed him his phone. “Call her James .” James dialed and hung up at least 10 times. Before he knew it Serenity was taking matters into her own hands. “Uh yes is this Basket Girl?”

“Serenity!” James freaked. “Give me that!” he reached for her. She laughed and ran around talking to Lilly. “Uh yeah my Uncle James is here and we’d like you to come here as well. My mom and dad said it was ok and they would even come and get you…yeah. I know it’s Christmas Eve…11…I like math…oh I love Harry Potter!...Wonder Woman she is awesome!... Black Widow is ok.” James listened to Serenity talk to Lilly. “Hulk is so much better than Thor! … Yes he is!...Yes he is!” James laughed as he watched Serenity. “Yeah we live in Scotland…it’s not that far…no they wouldn’t mind…yeah he’s here…I like you Basket Girl. You need to marry Uncle Jamie so you can be my aunt Basket Girl. I’ll let you talk to him now.” She handed the phone to James. “DON’T SCREW THIS UP ASTRO BOY!”  he got a talking to by this 11 year old feisty curly headed little girl. “Ya know Jamie you didn’t have to put her up to calling me” she laughed.

“I’m so sorry Lilly. She grabbed my phone and did it on her own.”

“I was tired of seeing him dial and then hang up!” Serenity yelled so that they could hear her.

“Serenity!” James growled. Lilly laughed.

“Oh Jamie for your sake I hope you don’t have daughters” she laughed.

“Well they’d be part you so it would be your fault. Oh my God. Did I say that out loud? I’m sorry I uh I have to go. Merry Christmas Lilly.” James hung up the phone. Serenity laughed and went up to her dad shaking her head. “Dad he screwed it up big!” James was angry at himself. He got caught up in the emotion of everything going on and embarrassed himself. “What happened?” Nathan asked him. James  relayed the whole embarrassing ordeal. “Well call her back.”

“I can’t! I can’t even go back to England and face her again.” Nathan laughed at his teenage boy moment. “Jamie it will be ok. Just call her.” For all of his arrogance and bravery he couldn’t. He honestly knew what it felt like now to want to crawl in a hole and die. _How could I be so stupid? How could I say something like that to her? She barely knows me of course she wouldn’t want to have kids with me. God Theta you really screwed this one up big time._

            Meanwhile in England, a bubbly, sweet blond is sitting there in silence contemplating what she should do. She called Jack and relayed what happened. He couldn’t contain his laughter. “Lilly he must really like you if he’s think about kids with you.”

“Jack it’s just teasing banter. We do it all the time.”

“You also ease me, Jake and Lucas but nothing like that.”

“Should I go?”

“Do you want to?”

“I wanna see him Jack. He’s been gone a couple days and I feel like I’ve lost my right arm. It feels weird. Am I crazy?”

“No sweetheart you’re in love. You need to go.”

“I’m not in love with him Jack. We’re just friends. I just I don’t want to impose.”

“Lilly, you are in love. I can hear it in your voice. I can see it when you come here. Go see him and Lilly you could never be an imposition to anyone.”

“Thanks Jack.”

            Even though she was a sci-fi writer not a romance writer, Raven was still a woman. After seeing her friend James brooding over a silly faux paux and not doing anything about it, she showed where Serenity got her feisty streak. He was feeling down and not in the Christmas spirit like he was when he first got here. She knew exactly how to change that. She has on occasion watched a few Hallmark Christmas movies after all. She took James’ phone. “Is this her?” she showed him the lock screen. “Yeah” he smiled softly. It was a picture they took together the day they got back to work the day he got his coat. It was just after George scolded them because he “had to” for taking off work but smiled while doing it. “She’s beautiful James. No wonder you’re in love with her.”

“I’m not in love with her.” He said haughty.

“Who are you trying to convince me or yourself? Unlock your phone”

“What?”

“You heard me unlock your phone. I’m going to get this straightened out.”

“There’s nothing to straighten out. I’m a world class outer space dunce” his words echoing what Donna said to him once.

“Jamie you’re not a dunce.”

“Why hasn’t she called me back huh? I scared her off.”

“Maybe she’s giving you a chance.”

“What to make a bigger fool out of myself?” he looked at her. Raven just smiled.

“Trust me” she opened up her hand and he gave her the phone. He didn’t think anything would fix this. “1021 is the password”

“Is that your birthday?”

“No it’s the day I first met her a long time ago.” He walked away.

“No you’re not in love with her. You just remember the exact date you met her.” She found Lilly’s phone number in his phone.

“Hi Jamie are you ok?”

“Hi Lilly this is Raven, Jamie’s friend.”

“Oh my God is he ok? What’s wrong? Tell me he’s ok. I’m a doctor I can help.” Lilly started panicking. _Oh she’s got it just as bad_ Raven smiled into the phone. “Please dear God tell me he’s ok” she had a scared little girl sound in her voice.

“He’s ok Lilly” she said softly. She heard Lilly let out a deep breath she was holding. “He’s just being a man.” Lilly started laughing and Raven knew she liked her. “He’s freaked out because of something he said to you and he’s scared he freaked you out.”

“About the daughters?”

“Yeah”

“Tell him it’s ok and I know it was a joke.”

“Yeah we’ve all tried and it’s not helping. Look the reason I’m calling is what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing just staying at home” Raven noticed the sad sound in her voice.

“That’s no place for someone to be on Christmas”

“It’s ok I’m used to it.” That broke Raven’s heart.

“Well not this Christmas.”

“What?”

“You see Jamie’s been up here for a few days. He was excited when he first got up here but the longer he’s been without Basket Girl the more down he’s become. He really likes you Lilly and I think you like him.”

“I…I…”

“It’s ok to admit it Lilly”

“I do Raven I really do.”

“That settles it you’re coming to Scotland for Christmas with us. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“But…but…”

“You won’t be an imposition either. I know that’s what Jamie was worried about. I live in a Scottish mansion. I have rooms I’ve never been in you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah but it’s your Christmas. I don’t want to ruin your family time.”

“Trust me the only way our Christmas would be ruined is if Jamie’s mood didn’t perk up. The only way his mood will perk up is if he sees you. Now here’s my number. You can call or text me when you get here and I’ll come down to the hotel and get you. I want to keep this between us. I want to surprise Jamie. He’s afraid you’ll never want to see him again.”

“Why would he think that?”

“Because he’s a man” they both laughed.

“You really don’t mind me coming?”

“Not at all. It will be nice to have another woman in the house” she laughed. Lilly smiled.

“Thank you Raven. You’ve made my Christmas.”

“Anytime.” Raven hung up with Lilly and saw James sitting outside on the porch looking off into the distance. “Oh Basket Girl I hope you come up here.”

            Meanwhile in England Lilly is pacing around. _Should I stay or should I go?_ She wanted to see James really bad but she wasn’t an idiot. They make movies about people getting kidnapped and killed over things like this. Of course all three guys told her to go. Her heart told her to go. It was her head that was being stubborn. She paced back and forth. Before she realized it she was actually packed. She didn’t even remember packing but there she was sitting in her car on the way to Scotland. Operation Astro Boy fully underway.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time pretty baby! lol
> 
> So I"m sure you guys know what the color ultramarine is however. I wanted to post a picture of it here. I have no idea how to do that :( so here's a link to the image.
> 
> https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images;_ylt=AwrJ7JuWR6pcJQMA4M5XNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTE0b21rMHZmBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDQjY4MjFfMQRzZWMDcGl2cw--?p=ultramarine+blue&fr2=piv-web&fr=mcafee#id=110&iurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsc01.alicdn.com%2Fkf%2FHTB1RT4SOFXXXXa2XFXXq6xXFXXX8%2FUltramarine-Blue-T62-pigment-blue-29-for.jpg&action=click

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/pg7HvF3a_Iw this is also a link to the porky pig song mentioned.

Chapter Twenty-Three

James’ mood perked up when Raven told him she talked to Lilly and Lilly was fine. She said she was going to go spend Christmas with a friend and would call him tomorrow. James felt a little jealous because she wasn’t coming to see him but he knew she had three best friends she talked about all the time, Jack, Jake, and Lucas. He didn’t want to interrupt on their Christmas traditions. He never really had any, well except for saving the world, but since he became what he is now he hasn’t really done anything. To him Christmas was just another day.

James put up a brave face for everyone but deep inside he was lonely. He didn’t realize how much he actually missed Lilly. He missed their talks, texts and chats. He missed the smell of her perfume. She was an admitted perfume freak. She had over 150 bottles but this one special one James just loved. It was sweet smelling and just embodied everything that was his Lilly. He had no idea what the name was but when she wore it, it drove him crazy. Most of all he missed holding her hand. It just felt right. It felt like this hand was made for hers the way his other hand was made for Rose’s. He noticed the twitching starts whenever she’s not around. He was going to mention it to her but he didn’t want to scare her off. _Oh how the mighty have fallen_.

He missed her little nicknames for him, the latest one was Hedgie. He just got aggravated at something it took him too long to figure out. He started pulling his hair and when he let go it was all over the place. “Your hair sticks up all over the place like a hedgehog!” She’d laugh at him. “I love it! You’re my little Hedgie.” She even went and patted his head like she was petting him. Normally he’d be offended but the look on her face was so endearing and her smile so sweet he loved it. He smiled at her. She took the aggravation right out of him. He also loved that she liked his hair the way it was and wasn’t trying to change him. After dealing with Renee for six months this was refreshing. That night he was bored and searched for hedgehogs. It led him to online shopping which led him to a pair of pajamas with hedgehogs all over them and a stuffed hedgehog. He laughed because it was custom made and can put any text you want. So playing off the nickname he put “Hedgie’s Girl.” He went back and forth with himself on if he should order it. The Tardis sent him a message telling him to do it. They were really great friends and all the time doing silly things for each other. Besides the zodiac mug she also got him a mug with a single orange tiger lily on it. “This way you’ll always have tea with me” was her joke. He absolutely loved it and actually packed it with him. The zodiac mug was at his office. She was right he always would have tea with her in that mug. He still wasn’t sure about he pajamas. It was a little intimate of a gift however she told him she always gets herself pajamas at Christmas. She sits in them Christmas Day and watches the Marvel movies. _God I want to see her in those pajamas._

James smiled continuing the memory. When the pajamas came, he put them in an ultramarine blue box and went next door to her office. She was playing Christmas carols and putting up her little Christmas tree in her office. He stood back in the doorway and watched her prance around in her blue Santa hat. “And when those blue snowflakes start falling/That's when those blue memories start calling/You’ll be doin all right, with your Christmas of white/But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.” He couldn’t help but smile at her. She was so in her own little world adding lights upon lights upon lights to a tree that was about 3 feet tall. He looked around. She had her whole office decorated in multi colored lights. James remembered the movie _A Christmas Vacation_. Her office looked like the outside of the Griswold’s house. He was enjoying the show and was in no way going to disturb her. She had her hair in braids on each side of her head. She looked like a little girl. James’ heart thumped in his chest. He was so attracted to her. Finally she turned around and saw him standing in her doorway. She screamed and jumped and knocked her hat off. “Holy fucking shit James Noble! You scared the good girl out of me!” He couldn’t help but laugh till he had tears in his eyes. “That might not be a bad thing” he grinned at her. She realized what she said and then her face turned Santa red. “Shut up!” she turned around. He went up to her and laughed. He took some of the icicles off her tree and put them on her head and picked up her Santa hat. “I like the blue Santa hat” he put it on his head. Her eyes light up and she giggled like a little girl.

“Now that! That’s you!” she chuckled and took a picture of him. “Matches your suit.” Neither one of them could stop smiling like a bunch of dorks. Elvis serenaded them with “White Christmas” next. “I uh I hope it’s not too forward but I got you something.” His nervous tick of tugging on his ear still carried over into this body as well. “Oh you didn’t have too!” she beamed.

“I know but I saw it and it reminded me of you.”

“I like the box” she giggled. “This is my favorite color and it’s shiny. I love shiny, sparkly things” she giggled. “Have you ever been awake an looked at the stars about 4:30 or 5 am?”

“Yeah many times” he smiled at her. _Oh Lilly if you only knew sweetheart. I used to travel the stars._

“The color of the sky. It’s not yet dawn but it’s still not quite midnight. That ultramarine shade of blue. To me that’s the prettiest color in the universe. There’s no paint swab I’ve ever seen that totally matches that color. Ultramarine is the closest I could think of. That’s my favorite color and I love this box because it’s as close to it as you can get. What did you get me?” _Our first trip in the Tardis will be to see that up close and personal._ She grinned and opened it. Inside there was paper and she saw the stuffed hedgehog first. “Oh my God this is too precious!!! You get tea with me and I get to sleep with you.” He looked at her his mouth slightly opened. _That was not what I was expecting to hear._ Then it dawned on her what she said. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and her mouth slightly opened. Her face starting it’s spectrum of red. “Oh my God that did not come out the way I meant for it to.” James could feel the heat coming off of her cheeks. He started laughing hysterically. “Shut up!” She threw the hedgehog at him. He was crying and in fits from laughing. “You’re such a jackass” she laughed.

 “Oh my God Lilly I needed that laugh. The look on your face I swear sweetheart I will take to my grave. That was worth coming in here for.”

“I am never going to live this one down am I?”                                                                          j

“Not for the rest of your life” he kissed her forehead. “But yeah if you want to sleep with me I can make that happen.” He said it lustfully. She was as red as a tomato. He came up to her and put his hand on her cheek, “your place or mine?” he grinned. She took the hedgehog and hit him in the chest. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I’m going to prove you can die of embarrassment.” She put her head in her hands. He just laughed at her and kissed her cheek. “You’ll be fine Lils.” He looked at the hedgehog “I do look rather cuddly.” She was not going to be outdone. “Oh I bet you are” she laughed.

“You’ll find out someday” he winked and clicked his tongue at her. She was still all over the spectrum of red in her face. He took the hedgehog and bopped her on the nose. She took it and threw it at him. He laughed at her. “And when you do come to sleep with me you’ll like what’s in the package.”

“Do you say that to all the girls?” she was getting her feisty streak.

“Liliana!” now he was turning red and threw the hedgehog back at her. She bit her lip and winked at him. She pulled out the pajamas and looked at them. Then she started crying with laughter. “Oh my God James! You couldn’t have gotten me anything better. These are ADORABLE!!!! Hedgie’s Girl I love it!” she put them up to her.

“I uh I wasn’t sure if it was too personal but I saw those and I had to get them for you. I … I don’t mean to get forward.” His bravado melted and now he was getting the shy streak he never had as a full Time Lord. _Me shy? Since when is this happening?_

“Oh you are fine!” she laughed “I’m just touched that you thought enough of me to even get me something. I appreciate it.”

“Well you get me things all the time and I figured why not? And now you have your own little bed buddy” he winked at her.

“Oh shut up!” she took the hat off him and hit him with it. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a huge hug laughing and kissed her forehead. He lingered there for a few moments but she didn’t say anything. He was enjoying the closeness with her. “Twenty years Lilly I’ll still be teasing you about this.” _Maybe that will be twenty years I’ll actually get to be your bed buddy._

“Alright Hedgie and in twenty years when all that great hair is gone” she put her hand in his hair and tugged. _God that feels good. I can’t tell you how I want you to do that again._ “I’ll hand it over and be like remember when?” They laughed at each other. By now the cd had returned back to “Blue Christmas.” He took her hand and they danced around her tiny office laughing and singing. “Have you ever heard Porky Pig sing this song?”

“No I can’t say that I have.”

“Oh my God. Hold on I’ll play it for you.” She looked it up and played the cartoon pig stuttering through the Christmas classic. James laughed till he started coughing. They played it at least three times. They were in their own little world. They had no idea George was standing outside her door watching the two of them. He had a huge smile on his face. His Christmas wish was coming true. The girl he thought of as a daughter is finally falling in love.

 

James smiled at the memory. He looked at his phone and read the texts from the next morning.

_You’re right you are cuddly 😁😍😂🤣😜_

_Oh you have no idea just how cuddly I can be_ _😉_

_Come over and I’ll find out 😜😁😊_

_Don’t tempt me_ _😉_

“You have it so bad Uncle James” he looked at Serenity. “Have you told her you love her?”

“I … uh … I”

“Tell her!”

“It’s complicated” James sighed.

“Only if you make it complicated” she sat on his lap and gave him a hug. “I love you Uncle James” she kissed his cheek.

“I love you too Serenity. I love you too.” He gave her a hug. _The wisdom of an 11 year old._ He didn’t realize just how much he had fallen for her. _My tiger Lilly. I sure do miss you._ He was finally being honest with himself. He fell in love with his tiger girl.

He played games with Serenity, talked about the stars with Nathan and even made cookies with Raven but it felt like something was missing, besides his second heart. Around midnight James thought he would be tired but he was still wide awake. A thousand times he tried to send her a text and a thousand times he hit delete. _She’s going to her friend’s house. Don’t disturb her. Let her have her Christmas. When Christmas is over come clean. Tell her you really would want to be with her. Rassilon when did things ever get so complicated?_ He sat by the Christmas tree and listened to Nathan and Raven make some excuse they had to go out. He didn’t pay much attention he was entranced by the fire.

James sat there deep in thought. He was thinking about Lilly and feeling jealous over Lucas, Jack or Jake whichever was the friend she was going to see. He wanted to be the one she came to see so badly. _Rassilon, Theta what has happened to you? You let her in. How did she penetrate your heart? With that smile of course and those big blue eyes that light up whenever you’re in the room. God Theta you are a complete mess._ He enjoyed the fire and wrapped his arms around his legs. _Put on a brave face Theta. Don’t let them see you sad. It’s Christmas. Let them see you happy. You can do this. You always have to fake it when the world’s at a crisis. Pretend it’s a Dalek invasion. You’re brave and strong and can handle this._ He heard in the distance the door open but he didn’t care. He was getting tired and now that they were back he was going to go to bed. He felt someone sneaking up behind him. His hairs stood on end and then their hands were over his eyes. Normally he would be freaked but he recognized the perfume and the feel of the hands. Then he heard “guess who?” giggled in his ear. He turned around so fast Lilly was knocked on her behind. “WHAT?...WHAT?...WHAT?...” He was shocked. He had to remember he didn’t have a respiratory bypass any longer. _Breathe Theta breathe. It won’t do you any good to die on her now. Breathe!_  “Merry Christmas Jamie” Raven and Nathan chanted.

“Merry Christmas Astro Boy” Lilly laughed. He had to tell his heart to start beating again. Then he had to tell himself this wasn’t his house and to behave. He was on the verge of jumping on her and kissing her and shagging her senseless. It takes a lot to get a 900 year old Time Lord human hybrid surprised and his sweet tiger lily did just that. “Oh my God” he was astonished. He reached out and grabbed her. He caught himself before he kissed her within an inch of her life. He held her close to him. _My queen you are here!_ He held her close and refused to let her go. “Merry Christmas Basket Girl” he squeezed her instead to within an inch of her life. It took everything he had in him to not call her Raindrop. That wasn’t the time to have this discussion. He shut his eyes tight because he was trying to fight the Donna side from coming out. Finally he looked up to Raven and Nathan. They smiled and waved goodnight. James mouthed thank you to them as they passed by. “Lilly what…” he was at a loss for words but reluctant to let her go.

“Do you think I’d let my future baby daddy spend Christmas without me? Fat chance” she giggled.

“Lilly I’m so sorry about that”

“Jamie it’s ok love. We’re friends. We say and do stupid things all the time. Remember my hedgehog you got me?” He started laughing at the memory. “See I rest my case. You just got paid back” she laughed. “Just know 20 years from now this will be brought up at our daughter’s wedding reception” she smiled at him.

“Along with Hedgie?” he grinned at her.

“Oh God” she groaned.

“I … I … I can’t believe you came up all this way to see me.” He put his palm on her cheek. She leaned into his hand.

“You know I was kinda scared to come up here. I didn’t know these people and I was thinking I could wind up on Investigation Discovery” she started laughing. He smiled at her. He knew that was a station she watched that had all the true crime shows on it. “You know what made me feel at peace?”

“What?”

“Blue Christmas” they started laughing again. “That is our Christmas song let me tell you. I’m so glad I decided to come up here though. I needed this. I’ve…I’ve…”

“I’ve missed you my tiger”

“I’ve missed you too Hedgie” she smiled at him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. For once the universe gave him something. She put her hand on his cheek. He couldn’t help but smile at the look on her face when she realized he had grown his sideburns back. He could tell she liked them. Even more than that, even though he was part human, his sense of smell could still smell the pheromones she was giving off. She was really attracted to him. It fed his ego however he was sure he was giving off some of his own as well. He put his hand on her hand. He looked into her eyes. “They said you were going to see a friend for Christmas.”

“Yeah I did” she smiled at him. “They just didn’t say which friend did they?” she laughed.

They sat by the fire together for a little while. He made her sit in front of him while he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back and placed her head on his bicep. She was playing with his fingers absentmindedly and he was refusing to let her go. “Where’s the bathroom? He led her to the bathroom and he didn’t even think about it but he stood outside the door and waited for her. When she came out she had on pajamas with little hedgehogs on them. “They fit!” he laughed at her.

“I love them too they are so comfortable.” She wrapped her arm through his. “Come on Astro Boy. It’s cold out but the stars are in full bright. Let’s go stargazing.” She wrapped her fingers through his and led him outside.

 

Raven had made them hot chocolate and sandwiches. There were blankets in a basket and Lilly put her coat on over her robe. James laid the blankets out and laid on the grass. As much as they hung out together they never stargazed before. “A midnight stargazing picnic at Christmas. This is one fantasy I never knew I had until now” Lilly admitted as she held his hand under the blanket.

“Me neither” James admitted softly. “But I’d love to do this again and again.”

“Me too Hedgie me too.”

“This can be our Christmas tradition.”

“I like that!” she giggled. He squeezed her hand and smiled big at her.

They drank the hot chocolate and sat under the stars. It felt like the most magical place in the world. “When I was a little girl I’d take Jake and Lucas out. We’d sit outside. I would tell them Orion is the big hunter. He keeps the stars fed. He’s also Venus’ protector in the battle of Mercury and Mars for her affection. Every night depending on what constellation was out I’d give them an update on who’s winning. Of course they never paid attention. They were more interested in cars, girls and things. Every night I would look out at the stars and wish I could see Orion up close. Everyone is always raving about Mars. Mars this Mars that. I wanna go to Pluto. It was a planet then it’s not. There are times I feel Plutoed. Sorry I’m rambling” she kept looking up. James saw a single tear run down her cheek. “I was a neurosurgeon. You’ll never hear me say this again but I was THE BEST in the world. I’ve even done surgery, in secret of course, on heads of state that’s how good I was.”

“What happened?”

“I had to do a surgery on a friend and colleague. That was the day the Earth was pulled out of the Milky Way.” _And my birthday_ James closed his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this never mind it’s not important” she started backtracking. She scooted over and let go of his hand. She was retreating back into her shell. “Lilly tell me”

“It’s…it’s…it’s stupid and the news everything said it was…”

“Lilly tell me.” She looked at him with unsure eyes. “Trust me” he reached over and cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes and he saw tears start to trickle down her cheeks. He took his thumbs and wiped away the tears. Her breath caught in her throat at such a tender gesture. “Come here love” he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her.

“I guess I just wanted you to know. If you think I’m crazy or stupid and don’t want anything else to do with me tell me now and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to be bothered by me again.”

“Lilliana first you are not a bother at all. Second I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I think you’re the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. And fourth…”

“What’s third?” she smiled. He was always doing that getting ahead of himself.

“Ok third I believe you. I was there. I saw the planets. I thought it was the end of the world.” He realized she gave him an opening. He wanted to take it really badly but now wasn’t the time. He didn’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas especially after they convinced her to come up here. “What happened Lils?” He cupped her cheek.

“When the Earth moved my friend died because I wasn’t able to save her. All of my life James I worked so hard and the one time it really mattered … Well that was the day I became afraid of the stars. My one saving grace in my childhood became a monster, scarier than the monsters I ever dealt with.”

“What did you do?”

“I went away. I didn’t have contact with anyone important for a little over a year. Every night I would do anything to keep from looking up at the sky. I was actually mortified. I was in a real bad state. I would drug myself unconscious so I didn’t have to see the night time. It … it …it caused me to have a nervous breakdown. I saw her face in everything I looked at. She was yelling at me and screaming at me. She said it was my fault she was dead. It was my fault she couldn’t be with her husband and children. Remember when I told you about meeting my friend who gave me this jacket?”

“Yes”

“I never had a suicidal thought after meeting him, until I started seeing Liz’s face. Everywhere I went I would see her face. I would close my eyes and hear her screaming in my head. I started having the thoughts again. I went so long and I was so proud of myself but I just couldn’t cope. I had lost patients before and it was hard but I coped with it. However losing Liz was different. The thing is I know I could have saved her. I just know it! If those evil fucking bastards didn’t screw up with the Earth she would still be here! She’d be able to see her family and have Christmas again.” She started sobbing. James went to hold her but she just stopped him. “I… I… I got out the letter my friend wrote me. I read it over and over and over. I imagined what he would tell me if he was still around. I remembered our talk and had a dream one night that he came to me and told me he needed me. He wanted me to fight what was going on because he needed me. Called me Liliana. He didn’t know my real name. I gave him an alias. The look in his eyes though I’ll never forget. He told me to fight for him. That next morning I checked myself into the hospital. James you have no idea how many demons I have to work through. Even coming up here I had to work through demons. While I was away I was hospitalized for a good portion of that time. No one knows that part. God what is it about you that makes me tell you my deepest darkest secrets?” She chuckled nervously.

“Because you know in your heart you can trust me. I won’t ever tell.” _I think in your heart you know who I really am. You just don’t understand it either._ “So what happened?”

“After I got out of the hospital I started making amends with people. I was still terrified of the stars but I was getting better. One day my Capricorn streak kicked in and said enough is enough. I called George mostly to talk to a friend. He told me my job was always there for me but that there was a new astronomy professor. He told me he sat in your lectures and he felt like a kid again learning about the stars. He told me I should do it. After meeting you and getting to know you I did just that. You made me fall in love with the stars again. You made me a better astrophysics professor. You gave me my passion back Jamie.” She looked up at him and smiled. “That’s why I wanted to come up here and see you. I wanted to see the stars again but with you. You’re my Orion. When I get scared or lonely I just call you and you make me feel better, just like Orion does. I” she started blushing. “I didn’t plan on telling you this but I really missed you. It felt like my shining light went out. I know that sounds stupid it’s only been a couple days but I was so glad when Raven called and told me she wanted me to come up here.  Sorry I’m getting…I’ll just …” she went to get up. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back down next to him.

“Don’t” he said softly “don’t leave.” It had been a long time since someone said something to make him moved like that. “Lilly it’s not often someone renders me speechless.”

“Yeah I know” she laughed and cupped his cheek. He put his hand on her hand. He looked into her deep dark blue eyes and kissed her. She kissed him back and pulled him closer to her. She held on to him for dear life and he wasn’t about to let her go. James has been kissed by many women before, powerful women, Cleopatra, Madame De Pompadour, even Rose but none of them matched this kiss. This was the most magical kiss in all of his 10.5 lives. When neither one of them could hold their breath any longer he let her go. “Merry Christmas Lilly” he said softly to her. “Merry Christmas Jamie” she smiled back.

It was about 2 am when the snow started falling. They were outside still but neither one had said a word. It was a comfortable silence. Lilly laid her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. They stared up at the stars watching them twinkle in the sky. “This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had” she admitted softly. “I’m so glad I came up here.”  
“Me too Lils me too” he kissed the top of her head where a smattering of snowflakes had fallen. She snuggled closer into his side and the smile could not leave his face. Even though he was a while away, he could feel the Tardis in his head giving a self satisfactory hum. The new old girl new exactly what she was doing. This is what she had me wait for. He got to thinking of all the times he wanted to take off. He would have missed meeting her. Thanks old girl. 

It was getting chilly outside but as long as she was willing to stay out he would stay out with her. He didn’t want to ruin this moment by going inside. All of a sudden she jumped and grabbed her knee. “You ok love?” James sat up next to her.  
“Yeah it’s just Uncle Artur kicking in.” He had a blank look on his face. “Arthritis sweetheart. The cold is getting to it.”  
“You should have said something! We would have went in a long time ago.” Lilly blushed and turned her head away. “This is the best night of my life. I didn’t want it to end.” James smiled at her shyness and turned her head to face him. Her shy little girl routine always made him smile. It meant he would get to be the hero again and rescue her from herself. “It doesn’t have to end” he jumped up and pulled her up. “Come on lets sit by the fire in the fireplace” he gathered the items up and they put the blankets on the floor. James laid down and reached out his hand for Lilly. “Come on Blondie” he smiled at her. She giggled “Ok Ginger” she took his hand and laid down next to him. He put the blanket over them and wrapped his arm around her pulling her close. She put her hand on top of his hand and gazed out at the fire. “I’m so glad you came up here.” He whispered in her ear. “It’s been weird not getting to make your tea and see your beautiful smile. I don’t know what the future holds for us Lilly but you’ve absolutely made my Christmas tonight.” He looked over at her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing soft. He kissed her cheek goodnight. “Sweet dreams my Raindrop.”

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what could possibly make James not miss the tardis, stars or travelling? only true love of course! Its Christmas day

Even though she was on a hardwood floor, even though it was uncomfortable, when Lilly woke up she realized she had the best sleep of her life. She turned over and saw James sleeping next to her. She didn’t want to disturb him. His light snoring woke her up and she found it quite endearing. She realized the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. She giggled at how cute they were. His hair was like it always is sticking up all over the place and she couldn’t help but be excited the sideburns had grown back. She hated facial hair but something about his sideburns she just loved. Her newest obsession, even though she’d never tell him that, was his lower lip. It was so plump and pouty and just great as she found out last night. She fought as hard as she could but she couldn’t resist reaching over and scratching his right sideburn. “That’s gonna cost you a kiss” he said smiling but with his eyes closed.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you” she retracted her hand.

“Now that that’s going to cost more” he leaned over and tickled her. She laughed and fought him. He laughed and looked down at her. “God even when you wake up you’re gorgeous” he brushed the hair out of her face. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly. She got shy on him. “You need glasses love” she giggled.

“Actually I do have a pair I just never wear them” he shrugged

“Why?”

“Because I’m always around you.”

“What does that have to do with it?” Now James was the one getting shy.

“Because no guy wants a gorgeous girl to see him wearing glasses. It’s an ego thing.”  He remembered the first time he saw Reinette when she was all grown up. He stroke the harp and she came in. The first thing he did was take off his glasses. Ever since then he didn’t wear them around gorgeous women, well this him hasn’t. The full Time Lord didn’t care except for that one dalliance. The first time he wore them around Renee she wasn’t amused. Lilly laughed “sweetheart it’s me! It’s not like I’m Miss America or something.”

“You’re my Miss America” he winked at her. She giggled and blushed. She always did that when he flirted with her. He noticed she really seemed to like it when he winked at her. That was his special ammo for her. “You’re so cute when you flirt with me.”

“I like seeing you get shy when I do. It’s endearing.” He grinned that stupid grin he has when he’s being mischievous.  
“Still, do you wear contacts then?’

“No I don’t need them all the time I… I tried wearing them when I was dating Renee.’

“Oh I can only imagine” Lilly rolled her eyes. “She’d probably think Cary Grant looked hideous in them. Then again she’s an idiot and probably doesn’t know who Cary Grant is” Lilly laughed. “What happened?”

“She had a fit! She told me it was unmanly to wear them and they made me look like a dork” he shrugged his shoulders “so I quit. Personally I thought they made me look smarter but what do I know.”

“Like I said she’s an idiot. Do you have them here?”

“Yeah”                              

“Put them on”

“No Lilly I don’t…”

“Jamie come on! It’s me! You’re literally seeing me when I wake up in the morning. I don’t care about the outside. What I love is what’s in here” she put her hand on his heart. He took her hand and kissed it and smiled at her. “Besides something tells me you’ll look hot in them.”

“Really?” he giggled.

“Oh yes” she imitated his catch phrase. He recognized it and laughed. He leaned over and kissed her.

“I love how you’re picking up my habits” he winked at her again. He smiled as he watched her face turn red starting at the bottom of her cheeks and working its way up. “Ugh again? Are you two ever going to get up so we can have Christmas?” James blushed and turned to Serenity. Nathan stood right there mortified. “Serenity Starr Reynolds! That is no way to behave around a guest!”

“But dad it’s just Uncle Jamie!’

“I don’t care who it is! Now you apologize right now young lady.”

“I’m sorry” she said softly.

“Now go to the black room until I say so!”

“But dad I apologized!”

“I don’t care. There are still repercussions for your actions little girl.”

“Nathan it’s ok. She apologized” Lilly said softly.

“I’m not little! I’m 11!”  
“And the longer you keep sassing me the longer you’ll stay.”

“Ugh” she growled.

“20 extra minutes”

“What?!”

“Do you want to make it 30?”

“No”

“No what?”

“No sir”

“Thank you” Serenity marched down the hall. Nathan turned to James and Lilly. “I’m so sorry she’s going through a rude phase.”

“Rude and not ginger” James smiled _man that was 6 years ago today!_ Lilly slapped his back.

“I’m sorry Nathan” Lilly was now getting visibly nervous. “I can leave if it helps. You can have Christmas with your family.” James turned and looked at her. “What?” no way was he going to let her leave now. His single heart was racing. _No way in hell am I going to let you leave today!_ “Oh no. no, no we want you to stay. She’s just upset because the black room is like her timeout place. We knew if we sent her to her room she’d be happy and could play games do things it’s not a punishment. In 30 minutes she’ll be able to come out. Now let’s get ready for breakfast.” Lilly stood up and took James’ hand. James noticed the clamminess of her hand. He looked at her and could see her fear. He could see the insecure little girl again. _Oh sweetheart not now._ She looked up at him with scared blue eyes. He could feel her trembling as he held her hand. James looked at her. “You ok love?” She shook her head no. He pulled her closer to him hoping it would give her some strength. She spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear her. “Should I leave? I’m being serious Jamie. This is your family and Christmas is about family. I don’t want to…I think I’m going to go” she headed to the bathroom where her things were. James could see her fear. It was in her walk and her whole demeanor. He knew her well enough to know she was scared of something.

            James was stunned. His perfect Christmas was over before it got started. “Don’t just stand there Dumbo! Go to her! She needs you!” Donna’s voice rang in his ears. “What’s wrong with her?” Nathan asked. He noticed the change in her as well.

“I … I … I don’t know. I think she suffers from PTSD and she’s having a flashback. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Nathan.”

“Don’t be I understand better than anyone.”

“You lot go ahead and have Christmas. I’ll see if I can help her.”

“James if there’s anything you need.”

“Thank you” he went and stood by the bathroom door. He went to knock but he heard her crying.

“Why? Last night was perfect. Can’t I just have one birthday?” she sobbed. _It’s her birthday! How could I forget! I saw it on her driver’s license. Oh Raindrop I’m so sorry._ He closed his eyes and laid his head against the door. His heart was breaking at the tears. “Lilly” he said softly. She sniffed and he heard her try straighten up. “Uh yeah I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Can I come in?” Lilly started panicking.

“No! Please Jamie please I beg you don’t come in please” she started sobbing.

“Lilly sweetheart talk to me.” James was starting to panic now.

“Jamie just go spend Christmas with your brother. That’s what it’s all about. I’ll be fine I’ll sneak out and you guys won’t even know I was gone.” _What? My … you don’t know about… oh wait… she thinks Nathan is my brother._

“Leaving? Lilly please come out we need to talk.”

“Jamie please just go have Christmas with your family.”

“I don’t want you to leave it would ruin my day.”

“Yeah but … it’s Christmas. I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Why not?”

‘Because Christmas is about family and I’m not family.”

“So you can’t spend it with a friend?”

“No it’s intruding on family time.”

“But Lilly I’m your future baby daddy. I should count. I mean for what our five kids’ sake?”

“Five? You do know I’m an old bag now right?” He smiled. He could at least get her to make some kind of sarcastic remark.

“Lilly please come out” he was pleading with her.

“Where’s your room?”

“Across the hall.”

“Is there a closet in there?”

“Yeah of course there’s a closet in there. Why wouldn’t there be a closet in there?”  He didn’t realize his tone was like she was stupid which was a mistake. She started hyperventilating.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I … I … I didn’t know. Some of these old places don’t have a place for me to hide.” He noticed the tone of her voice. It wasn’t his feisty tiger anymore. “Why do you need a closet?”

“Can we go to your room?”

“Yeah whatever you need just please come out love.” Lilly opened the door. She timidly walked out. He noticed she was holding Hedgie the hedgehog he got her and she was curled in on herself. She looked down and wouldn’t look at him for anything. “Hey gorgeous” James reached out his hand. “Please don’t call me that” she said shyly and never took his hand and never looked at him. James’ single heart was breaking. Whatever happened to his feisty Lilly was breaking his heart. “Lilly I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t it’s just I know I’m not so I’d rather you not lie to me” she kept her head down but squeezed the life out of that stuffed animal. James was stunned this was Angel Rayne all over again. This was worse than Angel Rayne. Angel had a little spunk in her. This Lilly had no life at all. She was tormented by fear.  All of the progress she made seemed to implode on her. “My room’s right here” he opened the door. She timidly walked in. He watched her sit down in the closet. “What are you doing?”

“I’m fighting” she said softly.

“In a closet? Come on Lilly. This isn’t funny.” James had enough. “Nathan and Raven are going to have breakfast. Let’s not keep them waiting.”

“Go ahead” she said softly. “Tell them I’m not feeling well. Have Christmas without me. You guys are better off.”

“I’M NOT TELLING THEM THAT NOW COME ON!” He was getting frustrated. He wanted his girl back not this imposter. He thought by yelling at her it would break the spell. When that didn’t work he reached down and grabbed her hand. She looked at him eyes blown wide and scared. He’s never seen her this scared before. “No Jamie please! Please, please don’t do this to me! I trusted you please don’t hurt me. If you love me at all please don’t” she started sobbing and hyperventilating. James heart was broke. He’d never seen her this upset before. Now he was at a loss. “I trusted you. I trusted you” she rocked back and forth holding on to Hedgie for dear life. She was truly scared of him now. “Hey… hey I wouldn’t hurt you for anything in the world.” He got down on her level and looked at her. “What’s wrong Lilly? You said you were fighting. What are you fighting?”

“My demons. Please go have breakfast your family. Tell them I’m sorry.” She cowered in the corner of the closet.

“No” he said sternly.

“But please Jamie. I don’t want to ruin anything.”

“The only thing ruined is my heart if you leave Liliana.” He never called her by her given name. “Can I sit next to you?” he asked kindly.

“You…you…you want to?” she was actually surprised.

“Yeah my hand is acting up and the only relief is when I hold yours” he got a small giggle out of her.

“Would…would you…never mind” she lost her nerve. It was breaking James heart. He missed his funny, feisty, fierce girl.

“Liliana Patrick I would do anything in the world for you.” He sat down next to her in the closet. It was a tight squeeze but he wrapped his arm around her. She scooted closer to him but still had a death grip on her hedgehog. “Can you close the door?” he did as she asked.

“Now that you are safe tell me what’s going on.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. He needed it as much as she did. “Oh Jamie I never meant for you to see me like this. I’m so sorry. I should have known not to come up here.”

“Why?”

“I broke the rule and now I’m going to be punished.” She was almost childlike sounding.

“What rule sweetheart?”

“The rule about Christmas” she said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“I’m an idiot so remind me what’s the rule?”

“You’re not an idiot Jamie. You’re the smartest man I know and believe me I’ve met some smart people.”

“What’s the rule Lils?”

“Christmas is only for family. Even if someone invites you, don’t go because that’s ruining their family time.”

“What?...what?...who in the hell came up with that rule?”

“That’s what Matthew told me.”

“Who’s Matthew?”

“You’ve never heard of Matthew Patrick?”

“I’m not from America Lilly.”

“Still he’s extremely famous and he was the sperm donor that made me.”

“So your father would tell you that about Christmas?”

“He would rather die than to be called my father. He’d tell me girls like me get no gifts. He said Christmas was about family and since I wasn’t his family I had to go to my room. One time I tried to spend it with Lucas but he heard us laughing. He told me bad girls get in trouble and he took my bear and set it on fire on my bed. He told me when I could learn to behave I could have my bed back. Then he spanked me till I couldn’t sit down. He told me no matter what to never spend a Christmas with any one that wasn’t family. Since I have no family I never spent it with anyone until now and now look Raven and Nathan are going to be mad at me.” She was so soft spoken and sad it broke James’ heart. He could feel the tears falling down her cheeks landing on his hand. This brought out The Oncoming Storm. If Matthew Patrick wasn’t already dead, James would have found him and made him pay for what he did to his girl. Even his inner Donna was wanting to go after Matthew. She started shaking in fear. James was blown away. She was so scared that she ruined their Christmas because of something her asshole father told her when she was a kid. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tight as he could. He wanted to pay a trip to a Mr. Matthew and show him what evil men get when they piss off a Time Lord. “My precious, precious, precious girl no one is going to be mad at you. What he told you is so wrong. Christmas is a time of love and friendship. It’s a time to be with the ones you love sweetheart. You’ve never spent a Christmas with anyone? Not Jake, Jack or Lucas ever?” He could feel Hedgie the hedgehog in his chest. He went to take it away from her but she held on to it like a lifeline. “No I didn’t want to disrupt their time with their families.”

“Oh my sweet, precious girl that’s why Nathan, Raven and Serenity wanted you here because…because…because they saw how I was without my Blondie. They know Astro Boy need his Basket Girl because when he got up here he realized something big.” He had no intentions of telling her this, this soon but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. “What?” she looked at him shyly.

“I realized I love you Lilly.” She looked at him surprised. “You don’t have to say it I know it’s way too soon but I realized I couldn’t love you more if I had two hearts.” _And believe me I’ve had them I know what I’m talking about._ “And if you didn’t come up here I would have found out where you live and went to you. Please Lilly make my Christmas wish come true and stay.” He was pleading with her.

“Good job Spaceman” Donna approved in his head. The Tardis had a hum of approval as well.

“You really think I’m gorgeous?” She asked completely missing what he just said. He chuckled at her. _That’s what she chose to focus on?_

“Lilly I think you’re prettier than Aurora Borealis on a clear day at it’s peak.”

“Really?” she smiled,

“Absolutely” he said confidently.

“And you really want me to stay?” Slowly his tiger was coming back.

“Oh yes! More than anything.” She took his hand and entwined her fingers with his.

“Tell me again”

“Tell you what?”

“What you figured out”

“That all the time we spent together was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. You make me better Lilly and I need that. There’s not enough words in any language I know to tell you how much I love you.” She started crying harder.

“One more time please.”

“T’amo, j’taime, _ya lyublyu tyebya, ti amo,_ I love you my precious, precious, precious Blondie. _”_ She moved over and sat on his lap finally releasing Hedgie. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and cried her eyes out. “I love you too James  I love you more than you can ever imagine.” He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. “No one’s ever told me that before” she said softly.

“Now Lils I know I’ve heard Lucas or someone say it to you before.”

“Yeah I mean not like that and mean it.”

“I mean it with every beat of my heart my precious princess.” That got her to chuckle. He had never called her princess before even though he knew of her nickname. “That’s my girl. I heard a laugh.” She wiped her eyes and rolled off his lap.

“I’m sorry I had a meltdown on you today.”

“Sweetheart it’s ok”

“It’s just…”

“What?”

“Nothing”

“No tell me”

“It’s just when she got in trouble I just had flashbacks of my childhood. Someday I might tell you about it.”

“I wish you would. I’d love to help you heal anyway I can.”

“It just…I thought I was ok but apparently I’m not.”

“Sweetheart anything can trigger a flashback. It’s ok.”

“I’m just…I’m just afraid if you found out about me you’d leave.”

“Hey I’m not gonna leave sweetheart. Trust me I’m not that easy to get rid of.”

“I hope so…I kinda like having you around” she giggled. “You’re awfully cuddly even though you’re skinny as a rail.” She smiled at him. “There she is” he smiled at her.

“What?”

“There’s my Basket Girl. She’s coming back to me.”

“Yeah I am thanks Jamie.” She kissed his cheek.

“Oh no I don’t think so” he laughed and grabbed her and kissed her so passionately that the closet almost caught on fire. “Dayam” she laughed trying to catch her breath. “Remind me to have a meltdown on you more often if you’re going to kiss me like that” he chuckled at her and kissed her forehead. “Come on Blondie we better make our grand entrance.” He stood up and reached out his hand. She took it and stood up. They walked out of the closet to face the world once again.

 

While they were away Raven made breakfast. She had a full ensemble of eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, biscuits (American biscuits not cookies), gravy, the works. “Wow this looks great!’ Lilly sat down to eat. Raven and Nathan sat down and James sat next to her. They could tell she had been crying. Serenity asked if she was ok. “Yeah I’m fine. I just had a panic attack. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ruin anyone’s Christmas or make anyone upset.” She was starting to feel scared again. She started picking at her food and James squeezed her hand. “Lilly it’s ok. I suffer from them at times too. They’re not fun and can be extremely debilitating.”

“Yeah I was having a flashback of my childhood. Thankfully Thor was around to save me.” She looked at Serenity and smiled as she squeezed James’ hand. “I told you Hulk is so much better!”

“Yes but Thor is just” Lilly started fanning herself.

“Hey” James  protested.

“Oh sorry that was last night’s dream Thor was in” Raven started laughing. Serenity was a little too young to get it but Nathan and James giggled. “I like you” Raven smiled at her. “You have a sense of humor. But I’ll have you know, Captain America is where it’s at.”

“Yes you never know what’s under that shield” Lilly started laughing and winked at Raven.

“You guys do realize we’re still here right?” Nathan laughed at the two of them.

“Oh come on like you guys don’t have a thing for Black Widow.” Raven smirked.

“She’s my favorite. She kicks ass oh sorry um” Lilly laughed.

“Wonder Woman is better!” Serenity chimed in.

“Nah I’ll take Natasha any day. Oh Wolverine I can’t tell you some of the horrible movies I’ve watched just because he’s in it” Lilly laughed. “He could scratch my back any day” Raven and Lilly both giggled like teenage girls.

“I guess we don’t exist do we?” James turned to Nathan.

“Someone’s getting jealous” Raven laughed. Lilly reached over and patted his leg and chuckled “but you’ll always be my nutty professor.”

“Oh thanks I’m trying so hard to not be offended” he laughed. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re my um…um…my prince” she batted her eyelashes and for some reason that sent James into a tailspin. He started laughing at her and they were done. The four adults laughed and made jokes while Serenity just sat there clueless. “Is this one of those I’ll understand when I’m older?”

“Yes!” all four adults said at once.

            After breakfast was over with James pulled Lilly to the side. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine actually. Thank you for everything.” He smiled at her he hugged her tightly. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Why is there one missing?”

“Ha ha” he pinched her cheek. “Don’t run off without me.”  
“Well I don’t think Thor’s going to be paying me a visit on Christmas so you don’t have to worry” she winked.

“I met him once”

“Are you serious?” her eyes got big. What she didn’t know was he was talking about the real Thor not the movie star Thor.

“Yeah” he grinned he knew he had her good. “He was pretty cool guy. Bit full of himself though but most Gods are” he winked at her and left.

 

While James was in the shower, Lilly and Raven bonded over tea. “I have no idea what he does when he makes my tea but it tastes so much better than everyone else’s.”

“That’s because he makes yours with love” the dark haired curly lady smiled at her.

“Yeah I guess he does” Lilly couldn’t help but giggle. “So how are you two related?” she asked nonchalantly sipping her tea.

“We’re not” Raven said just as nonchalantly. “I met him when he came to one of my book readings. We’ve been friends since then. How about you? How did you two meet?”

“He literally ran into me” Lilly laughed. “He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and poof ran into me.” Lilly laughed at the memory. “What is it he calls you? Basket Girl? How did that get started?”

“Oh” Lilly laughed and finish rinsing off the plate Raven handed her. “This girl that can’t stand me came up and was hanging on him like a cheap suit. She introduced us and said he taught astrology and I taught underwater basket weaving. Like who would even attempt that much less pay college tuition for it” Raven laughed. “Oh if you knew Renee you’d know.”

“Oh God her”

“You met her?”

“No but she’d call Jamie all the time during the summer and was just berating him to death. I felt sorry for him. I almost went mama bear on her.”

“Yeah she’s something else” Lilly shook the excess water off.

“Oh there you are. Do you want to go play in the snow?” James was asking Serenity but Lilly had her back to him. “Why yes sweet pea I do” she laughed and then turned around. He had gotten a shower and instead of putting on his usual blue suit, which Lilly loved and is the only thing she’s seen him in. He came out in a pair of dark jeans, a dark denim button down shirt with the sleeves slightly rolled up and his glasses on. His hair was still all over the place like it always is. He was looking at Serenity when Lilly turned around. “Oh happy birthday to me” she giggled and bit her bottom lip.

“What?” James asked confused. Lilly started blushing and turned around. Raven elbowed her in the side and the two of them giggled like little school girls. “What’s the big deal?” Serenity innocently asked.

“You need to warn me before you come in looking hot like that” Lilly blurted out. Raven giggled at her as she started blushing at what she said. This time it was James’ turn to blush. “Lils its just jeans. I wear them all the time.”

“NO! you wear that gorgeous blue suit all the time. Once in a while you’ll wear a shirt over your tee shirt but it’s always the suit.”

“Someone’s been checking me out” James laughed and bit his bottom lip.

“Shut up” Lilly laughed and blushed. She turned around her back to him so she could catch her breath. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist. “It’s ok Lils. Personally I love those jeans you wear with the flowers on the leg and… they” he cleared his throat. “Fit nicely.” She put her head in her hands. “I can’t believe you noticed me.”

“Of course I did…or uh do!”  he kissed her cheek. It was flaming hot. She shyly turned and faced him.

“Flower jeans?”

“Yep” he popped the p.

“”I’ll make a note to remember that” she smiled. He grinned at her. He had a pair of tortoise shell rimmed square glasses. Lilly couldn’t help but smile at him. “Don’t ever listen to anything Renee tells you again. Those glasses are just so you. They make you look like the cool professor and very, very chic as well as other things I won’t mention” she smiled and winked at him. He smiled big at her. It was obvious he was happy. He got her approval. “Here let me see how blind those cute chocolate browns are” she took them off of him and he had to adjust his sight. She put them on and blinked a few times. He squealed like a little girl. “Now I know what you mean. You look so sexy in my brainy specs.” She looked at him and laughed. “Here honey you need these back” she put them back on him. “I like the brainy specs and you should DEFINITELY wear them to work. Just let me know beforehand because I’m sure I’ll be fighting some people of you” she kissed him. In all honesty they forgot where they were. “Oh aren’t the two of you just so cute!” Nathan smiled and caught them both off guard. They both blushed sheepishly then James remembered he was taking Serenity out to play.

 

In the afternoon, Serenity’s friend Kaylee came over to play. The snow had fallen and it began to accumulate. That meant one thing. It was on like Donkey Kong when it came to a snowball fight. The girls against the boys and they spared no shame. Lilly hit Nathan in the face with a line drive only to be picked up and thrown in the snow. Serenity and Kaylee built snow people and Raven went in to make hot chocolate. Lilly hit James on the arm, “you’re it”  and started running. He chased her down behind a shed and they fell to the ground laughing. He kissed her and the kiss started getting heated. Then Lilly stopped them. “We can’t not here… not…now.”

“I know Lils…I’m sorry I…”

“No it’s ok” she put her hand on his cheek. “I love you Jamie. I love you with all of my heart but I’m not ready for that yet.”

“I know sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. Part of him wanted to extremely badly but something inside told him not to. She wasn’t ready and he was scared he’d push her away and lose her. Truth was he wanted there to be no secrets between them before they took that step. But how do you tell the woman you love that you are part alien? He laid down next to her in the snow. She snuggled up next to him. “Thank you” she said softly.

“For what?”

“For everything, for being my friend, for loving me, for today, for last night for everything for being my true hero. This has been the best day of my life and I honestly mean that. For the first time in my life Jamie I feel like I have a family. That’s the greatest present anyone could have given me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart” she leaned over and kissed him but she took a great big handful of snow and shoved it in his face. “LILLY!” he started laughing. “I will get you back for that!”

“You have to catch me first pretty boy” she started running.

“Actually keep running I kinda like the view” he shouted and that made her squeal and run away faster. He started laughing at her school girl shyness then he fell back and looked up at the sky. For once in his life he didn’t miss the Tardis, he didn’t miss the stars, he didn’t miss the traveling. He had everything he needed in a 5’5” beautiful blue eyed blond. “Thanks Rose” he said to the universe “Thanks for choosing him.” He got up and walked back into the house. She still had snowflakes on her hair but she was dancing around with Kaylee and Serenity. _Having a daughter with you might not be so bad Raindrop. She could be our little snowflake._

 


End file.
